The Chief Concern — Electroplankton

Electroplankton

by Akiak

∞

– – –

Yippee obscure!

Okay…so basically I fell in love with this ‘set right from the opening paragraph. I’m one of the few Nintendorks stupid enough to have shelled out the 30 clams for this unique tech-demo of a DS game…and I can’t describe how happy I was to see Hanenbow as a stage in Brawl…and how equally disappointed I was to realize how dumb it was in that game.

So basically I’m really happy to see Electroplankton in Smash Bros. done right, even if it is just a hypothetical piece of writing on the internet. 😀

As for the actual moveset…

I wasn’t disappointed. The most amazing thing is that, if this were any other character, a lot of the given moves would be incredibly boring and generic. But because I had this beat system in the back of my mind while reading, and because there’s such a variety in the ‘Plankton–and since nearly every move changes to a different one…it all works, perfectly.

There’s nothing bad I can say here. I love Electroplankton.

…Wait, that’s not right. There’s gotta’ be something I can poke fun at constructively criticize…uh, hmm, let’s see…maybe…

Oh!

Yes, yes of course. The actual writing. So, since I’m a cool guy who’s already played Electroplankton, I know what all these little dudes look like. But nowhere in the ‘set do you show the reader this. The link you gave didn’t bring up anything more than a blue page with some copyright info on the bottom for me, and it wasn’t mentioned anywhere at the start of the ‘set that the picture you give has the ‘Plankton in the same order you name them just below it.

So with that in mind, I read through it again…and the descriptions can get pretty muddled. There’s not much I can help you with here: you just need to write more clearly, and keep yourself from going on about the little details. It’s by no means a deal-breaker, and I imagine people who are less picky about grammar won’t have any idea what I’m talking about…but it was the big thing I didn’t like about the ‘set.

Oh, and it would have been AWESOME for the way each move affected/didn’t affect the beat to be made more clear, rather than just an improper sentence tacked onto the end of each paragraph. Even just a color variation would’ve worked.

…

…..Yeah, seriously the only other nitpick I can think of is that the Final Smash was rather underwhelming. I really, really, really wanted to see all the different Electroplankton come together somehow. Don’t get me wrong–the idea is totally awesome and I certainly can’t think of a better idea…but…well, even if it was just that you altered it to include other types besides the Luminaria (not affecting anything besides visuals), then the only beef I’d have here would be with the semi-slightly-but-not-really technical aspects of the moveset as a body of literature.

Basically what you need to know is that you did a really stinkin’ good job on this. Far and away my favorite (non-Mendez) moveset of MYM4 so far.

THAT IS ALL