Posted by: Smash Daddy | August 15, 2009

Blood on Ganon's Wall — Oliver

Oliver by kirbywizard

The Most Beautiful Moveset?

The Most Beautiful Moveset? :@

Back again with another review, this time it’s for Oliver from the two latest Fire Emblem games. I don’t remember this character at all from the games, but from what you describe, he actually sounds very intriguing as a character and I’m sure I killed him. Anyway, I think this is better than Bear Hugger and the edits you’ve made have actually helped a lot in establishing that. You’ve not only taken my advice, but listened to many commenters and I’m glad you did. As you Oliver has some obsession with ‘Beauty,’ it would only be appropriate to start off with organisation.

Organisation:
No wonder you’re so hell bent on making a nice looking moveset, you’re actually pretty good at it for a relative newcomer. I like how you use the sprites from Fire Emblem and your placement of titles over units as well as the positioning of their health points is informed, but there are some flaws to this beauty of yours. For example, your images besides your unit pictures are weirdly sized, stock images or unimaginative. By weirdly sized, I refer to your “Come to Daddy” image which is not really needed – it’s coincidental that there is an image exactly as you would need for this pose, but it just clutters up the beginning of the moveset and who really can’t imagine Oliver doing such a simple gesture? It would have been more appropriate as a link. By stock images, I of course mean the collection of four images used in the stage description that are… Bizarre! The unimagination is the use of character icons in that one move, surely you could think of something nicer than just lining them up like that. For someone new to MYMing, your image work is actually standard quality, but it needs some minor tweaking to look “professional.”

My only real complaint is your boring use of fonts and colours. You have red, purple and yellow, all the moveset is the same font and there’s no differentiation visually between sections. Aside from the unit descriptions and images which are good, everything is samey with just a few colours and there’s way too much space of pure white text by itself. I know that you [intelligently] removed some units, so you could use them elsewhere in the moveset to make it look better – use your noggin. I also have a slight problem with your [B] coding – you centre-code the stage for no good reason, your use of bulletpoints is ill-needed altogtether and  you are inconsistent in centre’ing some sub-headers comparably to others – the Airs and Tilts, for example. There’s a problem with size too, your stats are longer than most other parts of your set. Overall, your organisation just lacks a theme more than anything else, it’s very bland, but it’s novice work for a newcomer. Be more thoughtful in future movesets.

Writing Style:
Onto a similar critique as organisation, writing style. Well, first of all, your spelling is fine, but you do mess up your grammar a lot in Oliver. Pretty much every move has an error or two – avoid this by proof reading or letting others proof read for you who know what they’re talking about. Examples are things like run-on sentences or inappropriate clauses. A sentence can have several commas, semi-colons or hyphens.

The soldier makes his way to the opponent and begins to attack with the Lance. Really useless and can be killed much quicker. It is a great way to get rid of him if you do not want him. They can be of some use, as they can actually jump, but only as High as Jigglypuff’s first jump.

In this quotation, taken at random, you possibly confuse the reader by winding up a series of clauses in a claustrophobic manner. If you’re describing something, describe it in as few sentences as possible:

The soldiers attacks the opponent with a lance; this unit is killed easily and best gotten rid of by sending him to attack. His use comes from his jump – as high as Jigglypuff’s first.

See, that’s exactly the same thing but in half the time to read. This is a pretty general complaint, but it’s present throughout the moveset. It’s no worry to me, though – you’ll come to understand writing style better as you go along. Aside from these minor issues, you do show that you have inexperience in putting together simplistic definitions:

Oliver’s third jump and filled with beauty. Oliver takes out a Rewarp staff ( it allows the user to wrap himself to any location on the map) and a warp symbol surrounds him and will warp him to a new location ( which will vary depending where the player is aiming his control stick).

Your implications are far too vague to start simplifying off words like “it is” and you overuse certain words to oblivion. You use the word warp in this explanation four times. There are many words for warp, in fact – teleport, move, dis-/re-appear, etcetera. Just look out for small mistakes like in these segments and you’ll do much better.

Moveset:
For a newcomer moveset or close enough, this moveset is quite impressive in certain parts. For one, your narrowing down of the number of units at Oliver’s disposal is a smart move and your implementation of Fire Emblem units is simplistic, but effective. Just summoning units out of the blue to do individual moves is an interesting, if obvious concept indeed. Your quantity in comparison to quality is, as was before the case with the unit moves, quite telling – your “beauty” rankings are very strange and each move difference indescreet. Try to focus more on creating fewer, more memorable archetypes in these sorts of moves. Even in your heavily improved unit-based move, there still seem to be way too many.

I would also avoid making too many comparison to Smash character. You reference counter in the down special, Zelda’s side special in the side special, Fox’s side special in the up special, Lucas’ up smash in the neutral air and so on – all in very specific ways, things like, “it controls” or “it works like that.” Try to come up with new ways to explain moves, rather than referencing other characters from Smash so much – it’ fine in terms of describing, say, the length or priority of the move, but not its aesthetics or mechanics. Similarly, your descriptions are a bit presumptious with the Fire Emblem knowledge – not many would know what certain spells look like even if they played the series religiously! Use your common sense when using relations like these.

The actual moveset itself is good considering the source material, although a problem I have – perhaps the biggest is that you have all the units in one move, but it practically does nothing. A good set to look at is Dr. Wily for someone like Oliver, Wily’s moveset has him use many, many different creations in all his moves and you could do the same. If you’re just summoning units out of thing air, why not attach them all to different moves? You could have some jumping out of the air, coming up from underground and they all serve different purposes anyway. They just seem wasted in one move and it’s the real highlight. Aside from the down special, the moveset really isn’t so remarkable, unless you consider how unremarkable Oliver is as a character.

Playstyle:
The most impressive thing about Oliver’s playstyle is that he even has one. The first paragraph of it describes units mainly and hardly describes anything not already covered, the second is very decent and the third is general. Not much to speak about here, but just try to write more.

This was a highly humorous, highly enjoyable moveset for me, so thanks, Kirbywizard. You’ve already made lots of other movesets and I’ll be moving onto those / already commented on them, but you’re welcome at MYM.

~ Just more blood on Ganon’s wall. ~

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Responses

  1. Wow thank you for the handy review, with this I am sure I can make even better movesets. I can’t thank you enough for the review.


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