Posted by: masterwarlord | February 5, 2010

MYM Survivor — Day 5

SURVIVOR

DAWN OF THE FIFTH DAY – GROUP 1

The group wakes up on top of their skyscraper to the sound of zombies persistently pushing against their barricade. Silver gets up and groans. “What made you pick this spot as our little hidey hole from the zombies, huh? No food, out in the middle of-“.

Bowser interrupts Silver angrily. “Look, we originally had a spot that was indoors with food and everything, but then the others messed it u-.”.

Jafar gets up in annoyance. “You were the one without the foresight to check for a back entrance, Bowser. . .”.

“Oh yeah? Well you were the one who saw it. You should’ve stopped it before all the zombies poured in!”.

Jafar just shakes his head and rolls his eyes as Silver speaks up again. “Well, I dunno about the rest of you guys, but I really don’t feel like sitting here for the rest of however long. Yeah we can just cower here, but no idea how long we’ll be here and then we’ll just be dropped in the next environment which’ll probably be even worse then this one even worse off. . .”.

Bowser hastily turns back to Silver. “Fine then, fine then! Let’s hear your diabolical plan to get past the zombies, huh, HUH?!? There’s nothing else for us TO do.”.

Silver rolls his eyes. “Maybe nothing your fat ass can do. . .Watch.”. Silver starts concentrating slightly and levitates up into the air, but then suddenly twitches violently and drops out of the air. He dashes over to the edge of the building and pukes over the side of it. Everybody in Bowser’s party bursts out into laughter. “THAT’S what you wanted us to watch?!?”.

Vaati abruptly stops laughing. “. . .Remind me why he’s puking up his guts again? He obviously hasn’t eaten that much. . .Maybe he’s turning into. . .One of the undead?”.

Lemmy hastily jumps up and down. “Oooohhh! He’sazombiehe’sazombiehe’sazombie! BURN HIM! Throw the plagued one overboard!”.

Anne sighs. “He’s not a zombie, you idiots. He just had way too much to drink with Popinski in a bar. . .”.

Silver twitches as he brings his head back up from puking briefly. “What does drinking have to do with this?!?”.

“. . .It’s called a hangover. I’m sure Soda was kind enough to tell you all about that?”.

Silver glares over at the still sleeping Popinski, who is cuddling up against an empty beer bottle like a stuffed animal. Silver twitches some more and levitates the bottle out of his grasp, then breaks it over his head to wake him up. Soda gets up and looks around hastily to see who committed the offense. Silver looks about warily with his hands behind his back, then points to Bowser. Everybody in Bowser’s group points back to Silver. “C’mon, you’re not gonna believe those guys over me, right, old buddy, old pal. . .?”.

Soda rubs his chin in thought. “Normally I wouldn’t, but you seem to be acting rather suspicious. . .What made you do that, hmm, Silver?”.

“. . .I’m practically puking up blood over here. Apparently has to do with the alcohol. . .You don’t think you coulda maybe, I dunno, told me about that?”. Silver twitches.

“. . .I dunno what they teach you in little hedgehog man school, but in Russia we know about that pretty early on. Besides, after you get some experience you won’t have to deal with that anymore. It was worth it for the drinking, aye?”.

“. . .Maybe I could tell if I could freaking remember it. Is that normal too?!?”.

“Easy, Silver, easy! It seems you little hedgehog men are just featherweights when it comes to drinking. How was I supposed to know that?”.

“. . .Yeeeaaaaaahhhh. Moving on. What I was gonna show you lot earlier. . .”. Silver turns back to Bowser’s group and levitates up and over to another nearby building. Bowser hastily runs over to his side of the building and shouts out to him. “So how do you expect us to follow after you, huh?!?”.

Silver turns back around. “Who said I expected you to follow me? I’m just going to go scout around and bring back some food.”.

“My ass! You’ll just abandon the lot of us. You don’t want anything to do with us.”.

“. . .Nevermind that Popinski and the chick are still here. . .”.

Vaati chuckles subtly. “You don’t seem to be on the best of terms with them either. What do you care?”.

Silver twitches. “Fine. FINE. If you STILL really don’t trust me even after I’ve gone out of my way to prove myself multiple times, you can freaking come along if you want to SO badly.”. Silver levitates up a hunk of the building he levitated over to and levitates it over to the other building with his levitation powers. “Get the hell on.”.

***

Level 46
Play as: Silver

This is entirely a platforming stage, but all seven other characters are on the map and you have to juggle them with platforms. They insist to constantly keep going and will try to make jumps they can’t make. There’s no shortage of platforms on the top of the buildings for you to throw around to make bridges, but you have to be a good ways ahead of them in order to get anywhere. Don’t be surprised if you have to grab someone out of the air and throw them onto a platform, either, or even be daring enough to jump off and use an aerial on them yourself.

***

The group gets to another building on the outskirts of the city. Morton goes to leap off the building to get out of the zombie infested city, but as he leaps up he just crashes into an invisible wall. Jafar chuckles slightly. “A shame we’re voting him off, he makes such a good guinea pig. So much for that idea, then. . .Where should we go instead seeing the zombies can’t get to us?”.

Morton gets up in pain. “Go back to the supermarket I say. Where else? If we can blockade ourselves in there we’ve got it made.”.

Vaati shakes his head. “It’s very close to the center of the city and they’re all swarming about now. There’s no way we could block off both sides in time. If we were gonna do it we should’ve done it yesterday – before we gorged on food. . .”.

“Hey, hey. No way we coulda known about that, and it’s not like you weren’t eatin’ either. . .”.

“Whatever. The point stands that that’s not an option.”.

“Fine. Why don’t we just stop on by, get some food, escape from the roof and hop between them like we just did then?”.

Silver is seen panting considerably, exhausted. “Easy enough for you to say! I needa rest before I can do much more of that. . .”.

Jafar strokes his beard. “If we can’t do any more rooftop travel, then we’d best either decide a course of action quickly or just barricade ourselves in again.”.

Anne is rather disengaged in the conversation, looking off into the distance. “Preferably inside. . .”.

Silver sighs. “If we do that, then we won’t be able to get out and travel across the rooftops again when I recover. . .Deal.”.

Lemmy hastily jumps up and down in front of his father. “Ohohoh! I’ve got an idea! Memememememe!”.

Bowser mocks his son by looking over at everybody else and refusing to acknowledge Lemmy before chuckling to himself. “Hmm. . .I pick. . .Lemmy.”.

Lemmy clears his throat and smirks to himself. “Well, yesterday when you lot –abandoned- me. . .”. Lemmy glares among Bowser’s group briefly. “I hid in a trash can and all the zombies left me alone. It seems the way they track us is smell.”.

Jafar rolls his eyes. “It’s more likely they simply weren’t able to see you. They were able to “smell” us fine in the supermarket with all of those various scents.”.

“Then how did they –see- us when we were inside the place, huh?”.

“…”.

“They can smell us over all that other crap. The reason why they couldn’t smell me is because I was so covered in the stuff it killed my normal smell.”.

Anne stares blankly at Lemmy. “So what do you propose then? Do you want us to. . .Bathe in garbage?”.

“Is that a problem?”.

“…”.

Vaati shakes his head at Anne. “Deal with it, you spoiled bitch. The little turtle might actually be onto something.”.

Anne glares at Vaati menacingly, though holds back her fist for once and sighs. “Fine. Let’s go find a junk yard or something. . .”.

***

Level 47
Play as: Bowser, Lemmy, Morton, Jafar, Vaati, Soda Popinski, Anne, Silver

This level has you traverse the zombified Germany and has far too many zombies for you to run past with not enough platforms for you to go over them all. However, there’s a few trash cans around, and zombies won’t come within ¾ a Battlefield platform of them. They’re not positioned as such that you can just get through the level by hiding by them and you can’t use them like you did in Lemmy’s solo level in the previous day. However, you can attack them to knock them forward. The problem is the trash cans only have so much stamina and explode into a mess of crap after too many attacks, so you can only move each trash can so far. Be careful which attacks you use to launch it. . .

***

The group arrives in the junk yard they looked at from atop the buildings. The zombies chasing after them look around stupidly, then go about their own business, a couple even attacking each other. Anne lets out a sigh of relief for Vaati to chuckle. “What’s wrong? Would you rather I carried you?”.

Anne turns over to glare at him again, twitching. “I thought I’d made it clear enough now that I don’t take any crap.”.

“What crap? I’m just apologizing for not taking some of the strain off of that body of yours. . .That skanky whored out body.”.

Anne goes to smack Vaati as per usual, but he dodges it and uses some wind to trip her. She goes to grab at his heels at getting up, but Vaati uses some winds to push himself into the air up onto a leaning tower of garbage. Anne hastily climbs up it after him, not letting up, then Vaati does a casual wind push to make the leaning tower collapse onto her, her stuck underneath a good portion of it. She attempts to push it off for Vaati to smirk. “No, no, stay down in the trash. It’s a good look for you – you’re in your natural habitat.”. Anne keeps trying to struggle out angrily, but is unable to get out from underneath the garbage’s weight. Vaati comes down to Anne’s side and extends out a hand, chuckling. “Do you need any assistance?”.

Popinski comes over and goes to smack Vaati away angrily, but he again dodges it with a gust of wind to get away. Popinski spits in Vaati’s direction and goes to take the garbage off Anne and goes to help her up, but Anne slaps Popinski’s oversized hands away. “I don’t need any help.”. She squints in Popinski’s direction, then goes to run up the garbage after Vaati again. Soda extends out a hand after her, then lets his hand droop slowly as he just sighs.

***

Brawl
Vaati Vs. Anne, Soda Popinski

Yes, you play the villian. Is it really that surprising when heroes are the minority in the roster? One would think this would be a walk off-stage, but there’s no blast zones and it’s a stamina match. At first only Anne is present. You start atop one of many towers of garbage, though, and can use your wind attacks to send crap out of the towers down at her. If she gets close to getting to you, you can either A – actually fight her (bad idea considering you have to fight Soda afterwards), or B collapse the whole tower onto her for some good damage and run to the next one. Even if she does get to you, you can just flee off the tower and bounce onto a new one via a Donkey Kong Country style bouncy tire. They can only be used once before deflating and there’s no tire next to the tower you start on, so they’re pretty convenient. Once Anne goes down, Popinski spawns in a drunken rage as if he downed all his soda. If you last long enough for him to go into a crash, though, he’s easy pickings to finish off.

***

Vaati buries Anne and Popinski in a pile of garbage and folds his arms, blowing some hair out of his face non-chalantly. Bowser turns to Silver and chuckles. “So you finally come over to our side then, huh? You didn’t help them out none.”.

Well, actually, my powers simply hadn’t recharged enough for me to do anything. . .Uhhh, yeah! Heh. I know you all know what really happened all those times. . .But I don’t care anymore, alright? I’m willing to move on if you are.”. Silver reluctantly extends out a hand to Bowser. “Whadda say, huh? My talents aren’t being. . .Fully utilized for those guys over there.”.

Bowser laughs and shakes Silver’s hand, squeezing a bit too hard. “Good to have a new minion in the Koopa Troop, bwa ha ha!”.

Silver stares up at Bowser in contempt as he laughs heartily with his eyes closed. “Minion my ass. This is absolutely sickening. . .But I obviously can’t stay on the losing side. Besides, not like I got particularly close to the others. . .After how drunk Popinski got me. . .Yeah. The chick isn’t that bad in comparison to the others assuming you don’t do anything stupid, but that’s not saying a lot. . .”.

“I won’t let you regret your decision. I’ll be sure to give you a decent rank. When this is all over, where do you wanna be positioned? Rogueport? Yoshi’s Island? The Beanbean kingdom? Blah. No need to waste a good recruit like you in the field. You can stay with me in the castle! Sooooo. . .What’s your name again?”.

“. . .Errr. . .Silver. . .”.

Bowser laughs again. “Silver? That’s rich! I’m sure you’ve got a more menacing name for all those cool mind powers you’ve got. Like, uhhhhh. . .Deathgaze! Yeah, Deathgaze! That’s a sweet name right there. Worthy of a Koopa.”.

Vaati comes over and shakes his head. “You do realize that only one of us is going to get out of us alive, right? Don’t make any plans about the great partnerships you’re gonna have after this.”.

Bowser chuckles. “With all the places he’s sending us, we’ll find a way to beat that twilight king. Only a matter of time till we get the power we need.”.

“. . .Don’t you remember? There’s somebody else in charge now. . .”.

“Then I’ll introduce my fist to his face instead!”.

. . .Actually, this guy might actually be beatable. . .He doesn’t have Ganon’s power behind him. . .But then again, he would’ve had to defeat the twilight king to take his position. Guh. . .”. Vaati turns to see Silver eating some bananas a bit too far past their prime. “Good lord. Do you know where those have been?”.

“The hell if I know, but I really don’t care. I’ve done worse, and for all you know they could send us to a desert next.”.

Bowser chuckles. “That’s the way, Deathgaze! A member of the Koopa Troop does anything to survive!”.

Silver smiles slightly at Bowser. “Surprised he’s receiving me as well as he is. . .This might work out better then I thought. Want some?”.

“Sure, why not?”. Bowser comes over and wolfs down a banana. He turns his head slightly and subtly snorts in annoyance, then turns back to Silver and smiles slightly. “Heh heh. Got him right where I want him. He actually thinks I LIKE him! That’s a laugh after all the crap that went down. His vote may as well be an extra one for me now, and once his use is over I’ll terminate him. We don’t need any do-gooders in MY group.”.

***

Morton and Lemmy are seen exploring the junk yard together. Morton turns his head over to Lemmy as they walk along. “Soooooooo sorry about leaving you behind earlier with all those zombies. . .I was rushing so fast for my own life I didn’t see that you got left behind.”.

Lemmy sighs. “. . .Don’t worry about it. . .It’s not like any of the others came back for me either. . .”.

A brief silence occurs. “You’ve only had a few short bursts of your usual. . .-Activity-. . .Is this really getting to you that much?”.

Well actually, I was only really all that much like that on the first day when I was fresh on sugar and recently when I got reloaded at the supermarket. . .Yeah. . .It’s really depressing. Only one of us is gonna get outta here alive. . .Even if I’m somehow the one to make it, I’m never gonna see you or dad again. . .”.

Morton smiles slightly down at Lemmy. “C’mon. You know you were never that close to me. I’m not that big of a loss, and you’ll still have Iggy.”.

“What about dad?”.

“. . .Why do you care? With him gone Kamek or Ludwig will get into power and bring a new age of prosperity to the Koopas.”.

“. . .Don’t say things like that. He’s our father. . .”.

“-Your- father. I’m adopted, remember?”. Morton folds his arms and looks away for Lemmy to sigh and walk off into the distance. Jafar peeks around from a pile of garbage and uses a spell to send a piece of the garbage flying at Lemmy at high speeds. He hastily ducks behind the garbage pile as Lemmy turns around and glares at Morton. “Did you throw that?!?”.

“Throw what. . .?”

“Don’t play dumb with me.”.

“I dunno what you’re talking about. . .”.

Lemmy squints in annoyance and goes to stomp off again as Morton gives a weirded out look and goes on his way, then Jafar repeats the process. Lemmy grits his teeth and grabs the garbage Jafar threw at him (Some Raiden and Cutesy merchandise) and throws it at Morton. . .

***

Brawl
Jafar, Lemmy Vs. Morton

A fairly standard stamina brawl between Lemmy and Morton, though Morton’s HP is significantly rigged in his favor. You’re not playing Lemmy though – you’re Jafar. Lemmy will never win on his own due to his lower stamina and a worse AI, so you have to help him. If he goes down, you lose. That isn’t as much a problem though as it is you don’t let either of the Koopalings know of your presence – if they ever face you and you’re not behind a pile of garbage (Which you start behind), you lose. That’s it. Jafar has few projectiles and none he can use from behind a wall that wall, so just how do you interfere? With his signature move, into Red Smoke. If you’re inside it, then you can’t lose by one of the Koopalings spotting you, even if they’re inside the cloud with you.

***

Morton is on top of Lemmy smacking away at him. He angrily starts up “I told you I-“ but gets interrupted as a fireball from Jafar flies into his head from behind, then Jafar poofs next to him and casually kicks over a pile of garbage to bury him, knocking him out in the process. Jafar extends out a hand to help Lemmy up. “You are unhurt?”.

Lemmy takes it and smiles up at Jafar. “Yeah, thanks, Jafar. After that, it’s pretty obvious you were right about everything. . .Sorry about my doubting you. . .”. Lemmy pauses briefly. “But what he said about dad doesn’t add up if he’s allied with him. . .”.

“Don’t worry. I heard the whole thing. . .Morton probably was just sucking up to his father in order to stay on his good side. The usual. . .With all your brothers I keep hearing about, I doubt you’re unfamiliar with that.”

“Heh, yeah. Have to keep reminding myself that Morton’s one of the younger ones like Jr. . .Guess even he isn’t immune to it.”.

“Well, quite. . .Now then, I couldn’t help but overhearing that you still seem rather fond of your father. Don’t you remember? He considers you useless. He wants to get rid of you. You must let go of your blood pact with him.”.

Lemmy lets out a very deep sigh and shakes his head. “It’s not something that’s gonna happen overnight, Jafar. I’ll vote with you, sure, you don’t have to worry about that. . .But I’m gonna be feeling the guilt of voting him off long after this little game is over.”.

You’re voting with me? That’s all I needed to hear. I think we’re about done here.”. A long pause occurs before Jafar changes the topic. “Well then, I found an old abandoned passageway that goes underground towards the center of the Junk Yard. Considering our current location is so utterly fascinating, would you care to investigate it with me?”.

Lemmy shrugs. “Sure.”.

The pair go over to this underground passageway Jafar spoke of, passing by Vaati, Silver, and Bowser along the way. They go to enter the trap-door for Bowser to glare over at them. “Hey, where are you two goin’?”.

Jafar shrugs. “Just exploring.”.

Silver shakes his head. “What could there be to explore in a random hole in a junk yard?”.

“I was looking down in here for a bit previously. . .It’s not just some random hole in the ground. It’s a secret passage of some sort.”.

Vaati rolls his eyes. “If we go in there, then there’s no telling when zombies could pop out and we could just get trapped. . .”.

“I already thought of that. . .Considering the zombies can’t come to the junk yard, the back way will be safe, and we can come back here if need be. I think of everything, remember?”.

Vaati smirks slightly and goes off towards the trap door. Bowser puts his hand to his chin in thought. “Where’s Morton?”.

Lemmy looks as if about to speak, but Jafar hastily interrupts him. “Morton? Oh, quite right, Morton. Morton was too eager to explore and went down ahead of us. We’d best make haste if we’re to catch up to him.”.

Vaati and Silver go to go along with Jafar, but Bowser puts up his pointer finger as he goes off into the distance. Silver raises an eyebrow. “Where you going, Bowser?”.

“Just gimme one sec. Gotta go pick something up before we go.”.

Vaati folds his arms. “What could you possibly of found that’s remotely worth taking along in a junk yard?”.

Bowser goes to pick Anne up out of a pile of trash. Vaati chuckles. “Ah, garbage. Only makes sense.”.

“This isn’t garbage! She’s smokin’ hot!”.

Silver rolls his eyes at Bowser while Jafar facepalms. Vaati stares blankly in disbelief. “There aren’t exactly a lot of acceptable things to breed with where you’re from, are there?”.

Bowser shrugs. “Guess you could say that.”.

“Look, in any world where humans are common, whores like her are a dime a dozen. Assuming you win you’ll probably be left in whatever world you choose and can use them.”.

“. . .Well then, she’s temporary. Considering we’re leaving musclehead back here and how good of shape she’s in right now, she’ll work fine. I’ll make sure she doesn’t get to do any talking back – I’ve broken the will of women like her before. She’ll make another fine voter.”.

“To vote off who? Okay, there’s Popinski, but who after that? We need some people on the outside of our group. We can’t welcome everybody with open arms or else we have nobody to sacrifice.”.

Bowser chuckles. “If you’re so eager about it, why don’t we sacrifice you, huh? All in favor?”.

Lemmy near automatically raises his hand without thinking about it. Silver, wanting to stay on Bowser’s “good side”, does so with little hesitation, considering he was such good friends with Vaati. Vaati glares at Jafar intensely, but even he goes along with the others, wanting to stay allied to Lemmy. Vaati fumes off in a rage while Bowser chuckles, leading the way into the pit. “C’mon. Let’s go.”.

Jafar looks extremely stressed as he follows after Bowser. . .”Without Vaati, I have nobody to vote off the overgrown child with me besides the undergrown one. . .Furthermore, even if I somehow manage to prevent Lemmy and Bowser from talking to each other about me and I stay allied to both of them, I’m not in a majority side. . .Vaati could ally with the boxer, Morton, and the whore. . .Bowser might be able to break her down, though I doubt it. In any case, though, I’m not the target. Bowser was the one who cut off Vaati, Bowser’s the one who’s going to have his way with Anne. . .The best thing to do is to get off this ship before it sinks and keep my only real remaining alliance with the small turtle.”.

***

Level 48
Play as: Bowser, Lemmy, Jafar, Silver

No zombies are down here, just some common video game underground enemies. Buzzy Beetles and what have you. The main draw of the level is the fact that there are. . .Land mines everywhere? Indeed, land mines. Feels a bit strange. . .Unless you want to blindly walk through the level and get blown to bits, you have to lure the enemies across the ground to blow up the mines/see where you can safely walk. Said Buzzy Beetles are particularly helpful seeing you can just kill them then lob their shell across the field, but they’re all patrolling the ceiling and are spiked so you can’t get them down. You have to lure them around until you get them into a bomb on the ceiling before they get blasted to the ground and reveal their vulnerable underbelly.

***

The group arrives in some sort of crude underground city lit by candles. This place actually –isn’t- abandoned, with some people actually walking around. Before Jafar can do much exploring, Silver hastily goes over to a patch of cabbage and starts plucking up some, eating them without much thought. He tosses some over to Bowser who sniffs it, but eats it reluctantly. Lemmy goes to take some, but Jafar holds him back as a man in a wheelchair (Dr. Strangelove) and some escorts approach, Jafar subtly saying “probably not a good idea. . .”.

Strangelove pounds his fist on the armrest of his wheelchair angrily. “And just what do you think you’re doing?!? We’ll never survive the next winter if you gluttons gorge yourselves on everything!”.

Bowser laughs. “What’re you gonna do about it, old man?”.
Strangelove points forward at Bowser for his guards to point their guns at him. Bowser drops his cabbage with little hesitation, though Silver just goes into his more ravenously until the guards point their guns at him. Jafar hastily comes in front of Strangelove. “You really must excuse them. . .You see, we just arrived here recently and were struggling to survive in the city above. Needless to say, after a few days of no food and being hounded by those monstrosities, some of us aren’t in particularly good mental health. . .”.

Lemmy raises an eyebrow and says “What’re you talking about? We’ve only been here for-“, but Jafar interrupts him. “See? We don’t even know how long we’ve been here anymore.”.

Strangelove motions his men to put down their weapons. “This is the first time we’ve had visitors from the outside in longer then I can remember. . .What news do you bring us from above? How much longer must we stay down here to outlast them?”.

Silver sighs. “Well, the city was crawling with zombies and there was no sign of-“

Jafar interrupts again. “Why, there’s quite the resistance movement going on above. It’s been for the most part successful – most of the world’s been cleared. We were part of the attack party to squelch the zombies at their source here, but we. . .Didn’t exactly get the back-up that was promised. . .”.

Strangelove looks quite excited at this. “This is wonderful news! We couldn’t hold out much longer down here anyway. . .”.

“Indeed! With your help we could probably take out the zombies before the attack party arrives. We must strike quickly before their leader animates more of the undead.”.

“Agreed. That traitor Romero’s been trying to hunt me down for quite some time now, but we’ll show him.”.

Yes. Go kill yourselves while you leave us with your base for the remainder of our stay here. How soon can we attack?”.

“I’ll have my men ready by tomorrow. In the mean time, make yourselves at home.”. Strangelove turns to Bowser and motions to the unconscious Anne slung over his shoulder. “Was it –really- necessary for you to bring that extra baggage down here? We already have a ten to one female to male ratio for reproduction. . .We’re struggling to feed them as is. We don’t need another.”.

Bowser chuckles. “Well, uhhhh. . .Can I use it before I get rid of it? I’ve heard you people have a really nice, uhhhh. . .”Reproductive” place to use.”.

Strangelove shakes his head. “You seem to have rather poor taste. Just abandon that parasite. It’s nothing compared to my collection that I’ve handpicked based off their attractiveness.”.

“What’re you talking about? This is prime time stuff right here.”.

“. . .It’s an old hag. Get rid of it.”.

“. . .Look, I don’t trust an old man’s taste in women exactly, alright?”.

“Fine. Don’t take my word for it. See for yourself when you get there, why don’t you? You be the judge.”.

Strangelove motions Bowser to come along. The other three go off to do their own thing, but Bowser grabs Lemmy and drags him along, chuckling. “C’mon, son. You needa see this. It’s about time you became a man.”.

Strangelove flings open the doors to a crude building to reveal some hot, sexy, naked. . .skeletons. Bowser’s eye twitches as he turns to Strangelove. “What the hell? You into necrophilia?”.

Strangelove is just as shocked as Bowser, then sighs. “We have priorities. . .There wasn’t enough food to go around to feed them and still survive ourselves. I didn’t oversee it myself, so. . .I assumed they were still living.”.

Bowser chuckles. “You still want me to throw away my “garbage”?”.

“Hardly. We’ll have to use her to repopulate the earth.”.

“Mind if I go first?”.

“Not at all. . .You’re probably the only man left alive who’d consider that acceptable. . .”.

Strangelove shakes his head as he leaves, then Bowser chuckles and throws Anne onto a bed. He goes to strip her as the camera shows it in a silhouette, Lemmy going wide eyed. Just as he goes for the ominous dthrow of doom, a super close up-shot shows Anne’s eyes opening and actually showing some fear.

***

Brawl
Anne Vs. Bowser

Anne wears her bikini alt here. Close enough, right?

Another stamina brawl, though this time there are actual walls. It’s a fairly standard brawl, but Anne takes 1.35X normal damage due to her. . .Current state. More importantly, there’s an ominous bed in the center of the arena, and Bowser’s constantly trying to get you onto it. If he grabs you on the bed, he’ll always dthrow, which is always an instant KO.

***

Anne’s just put her clothes back on and is now walking out as Lemmy stares blankly into the distance, traumatized. Jafar walks into the room and sighs as he looks over at Lemmy. “What. . .Just. . .Happened?”.

Jafar looks at Bowser on the bed, the chained skeletons, then puts two and two together. “Errr. . .Why don’t you ask your father about it later?”.

“He avoids the question whenever I ask him. Nobody will tell me about it. . .”.

Good lord. Do I have to play babysitter? You’re generally not at the right age for people to think you should be told, but after having seen that it’s pretty much inevitable. . .”. Jafar sighs. “You see. . .When a male really likes a female. . .Well. . .Uhhhh. . .They go to a factory and have them make a baby. Quite.”.

Lemmy squints at Jafar in annoyance. “That’s now how babies are made.”.

Jafar looks uneasy and sighs. “You deserve to know the truth. . .It all starts-“.

Lemmy interrupts Jafar. “Yeah, yeah. I know. The truth is that a stork brings in babies from the sky.”.

Jafar lets out a sigh of relief. “. . .Your idea is much better. Let’s go with that.”.

“. . .But that doesn’t have anything to do with anything. I already know how babies are made. What the hell were they doing together in bed?”.

Jafar groans. . .

***

Vaati is seen pacing about in the junkyard with his hands behind his back. “Goddammit. What am I supposed to do now?!? I’m locked on the outside of the alliance with nobody but the muscle man and that wench as my allies. . .Five against three. And I’m going to have to grovel so pitifully to get the other two to accept me after that I might not even be able to acquire their votes. Hell, I might not even be able to talk to the whore at all to even attempt it. . .”.

Vaati sighs deeply, then suddenly turns his head as he sees someone emerging from a pile of garbage. He raises his eyebrow as he sees Morton come out. . .”What are you doing here? Jafar said you went on ahead. . .”.

“Jafar’s an asshole. He’s turned Lemmy against me and left me here to rot. He probably plans to vote me off before I can talk.”.

“Your father just kicked me out of his little group due to me questioning his deity status, so it seems we rather have something in common. . .With you at my side, we have an even split. Four voters against four.”.

Morton takes a moment to put two and two together. “What about that hedgehog guy?”.

“With Bowser.”.

Morton folds his arms. “I’m not like you. See, I’m still allied with my father – it’s just Jafar and my bro that are voting me off. I’ll help you vote Jafar off, but then I’m going back into the majority group.”.

Vaati twitches. “You really think I’d just let you do that? Even if I would, there’s no reason for you to do that. Once Jafar’s gone things will be even. And besides. . .Jafar isn’t who we’re voting off. We’re voting off Bowser. With him gone, nobody will really mind letting me back into the fold.”.

“. . .So you can join the other group but I can’t? You forget that I still –am- a member of that group. Dad doesn’t know about Jafar’s alliance with my little brother, so I only have two votes against me. You’re not in a position to call the shots. I’m only voting with you lot if you vote Jafar.”.

“. . .Fine. Fine! You win. God. . .”.

Morton folds his arms and chuckles. “So where are our other voters, then?”.

. . .Why am I never the one in charge?  They took the whore along with them. The muscle man is still knocked out.”.

Popinski comes up behind Vaati as he says this, then lifts him off the ground and squeezes him hard as he finishes. “What’s that about me being knocked out, huh puny man? You’re going to regret what you did to my woman. Where is she?!?”.

Soda squeezes Vaati much too hard for him to answer, Morton deciding to speak on his behalf. “My dad took her off, now let go of him, will ya? We’re all gonna be voting together.”.

“We’ll be doing no such thing, turtle man.”.

“Well let’s see, the hedgehog betrayed you, so if you don’t use us you’ve got 4 voters against 2. . .”.

“What motive do you have for coming to us? Sounds like a trick. And besides, there’s no way Silver would betray us.”.

“We were both backstabbed. . .And even if you don’t believe me, you’re still at a standstill if Silver were on your side, which he’s not. You need us in order to do anything.”.

Popinski releases Vaati with slight reluctance, Vaati gasping for air as he hits the ground. Soda laughs down at him as he turns back to Morton. “So where’d your father take her then?”.

***

Soda, Vaati, and Morton arrive in the underground city together. Strangelove sees them and rolls over to them in his wheelchair, raising a brow. “Are you the only reinforcements the old man with the beard spoke of? Or did you get separated from the main group well?”.

Vaati hastily decides to be the group’s voice. “Old man with a beard? Was he carrying a snake staff?”.

“. . .I wasn’t paying that much attention to his staff, but I suppose it sort of resembled-“.

“Well then, there aren’t exactly a lot of old bearded men with staffs around, much less any people at all, now are there?”.

“True, true.”.

“I don’t know what he told you, but he’s a spy, as well as all those people with him.”.

“That’s a rather large claim. . .Have you any proof?”.

Popinski chuckles. “You’re not going to tell me you’d trust a puny man like him over someone who shares the great blood of Mother Russia?”.

“. . .I suppose not, though just what exactly do they intend to do?”.

“They’re working for Roberto in exchange for escaping this zombie apocalypse with their lives. Such cowardly men, no?”.

“. . .His name is Romero, you idiot.”.

“Errrr. . .Sorry, sorry. It must be my accent. . .”.

“You –do- realize that I am also Russian? I can pronounce RomeRo just fine. . .Your accent is phony.”.

“You dare insult my glorious Russian accent? If that somehow doesn’t persuade you, I shall prove my nationality through drinking!”.

“. . .We Russians are not all drunken stereotypes. Let me give you a piece of advice. . .When trying to spy on someone, the goal is to be subtle, not to stick out like a sore thumb. I trust you have the Soviet National Flag proudly displayed on those. . .Limited garments you posses?”.

“As a matter of fact I do. Would you care to have a look at it?”.

“That’s really not necessary. . .”. The camera flips to show Strangelove’s face as Popinski strips, his glasses falling off in shock. “Good god! Take them away, take them away!”.

The guards hold them at gunpoint as they take them away, though Popinski spits out a few remarks at Strangelove as being moved away. “You call yourself a Russian? You cannot appreciate the glorious manliness Mother Russia has bestowed upon us!”.

***

The trio are thrown into a cell alongside a skeleton. Morton angrily gets up the moment the guards leave. “Wow. WOW. How did you mess that up so bad?!? I mean really? I dunno how that’s even possible, considering your nationality had the potential to turn things around in our favor.”.

Popinski folds his arms. “I was just being a real Russian. Any real Russian would of welcomed me with open arms.”.

“And by a “real” Russian you mean gay?”.

Popinski gives Morton an astounded look. “That’s not what I’m talking about you weak turtle boy! I was referring to the Soviet National Flag!”.

“. . .It’s kind of hard to appreciate the flag when it’s being obscured by your balls. . .”.

“Nobody’s forcing you to look at them, you know. If you were staring at them so intensely, perhaps you have some soul searching of your own to do?”.

Morton’s eye twitches. “Just what are you trying to say?”.

Soda laughs as Morton’s eye twitches more. “I’M NOT FREAKING GAY.”.

Soda laughs more as Vaati shakes his head. “Nobody called you gay, you idiot. . .You’re only making yourself look more gay by getting so pissed about it.”.

Morton reluctantly calms down some as Vaati continues. “Now, if you’re quite finished, we should really move on with getting out of here.”. Vaati nods off to the skeleton. “Based off our roommate here, we won’t be alive for long.”.

Morton folds his arms as he props himself against the wall. “We can just wait until whoever’s in charge brings us outta this place rather then risk getting shot, ya know.”.

“I’m well aware of that, but I’m thinking they’ll probably come to shoot us before this is over, and if we’re still here there’s not a lot we can do about that, now can we?”.

Before they can continue, Bowser and Silver come into the room, the former laughing. “Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! When I heard the news I thought it was too good to be true. . .Outside the part where my own son betrayed me.”. Bowser glares at Morton and squints. “Though I was disappointed when I learned that my own son betrayed me and went over to his side.”.

“Jafar betrayed me first, dammit. I didn’t have a choice.”.

“Pffft, Jafar? He’s the only guy around here I can trust, and he’s not in a cell with a muscle head.”.

Before Morton can defend himself, Popinski glares at Silver, who looks rather intimidated. “I’m the one who should be talking about betrayals. What are you doing with that overweight turtle man, Silver?”.

Bowser interrupts Silver before he can say anything. “First of all, I’m not fat, and second, his name is Deathgaze and he works for me now. He’s had enough of your crap. Ain’t that right, Deathgaze?”.

Silver looks about reluctantly, but says a casual “Of course” without much hesitation, not wanting to appear unloyal to Bowser. Popinski glares at Silver intensely. “Don’t do this. You’re better then this.”. Silver just rolls his eyes and goes to leave while Bowser laughs and pats him on the back. Silver lets Bowser get ahead of him, then turns back his head as he goes to leave, levitating over the keys to the cell to Popinski and smirking at him subtly. “Gotta keep my options open. If that other Koopa Kid is with Popinski too, then we’re at a stand off. If Bowser’s side loses, I’ll be the one they least wanna vote off and can probably merge back into Popinski’s side without much problem. He and I go back. . .”. After waiting a bit for Bowser to be a slight ways away, Popinski opens the cell. . .

***

Level 49
Play as: Soda Popinski, Vaati, Morton

This is a borderline stealth level in that there are a lot of bomb traps all around that will cause enemies to swarm you if triggered, but the fact that the traps can also hit the Russian guards means killing them isn’t that much of an issue. Hell, there’ll be enough of them to clear the entire screen of traps for you, making the platforming quite elementary. . .But that’s exactly what you don’t want, as if you set off too many bombs (There’s a counter) the doomsday device will go off and blow up the entire city. The fact that there are some bombs you –have- to destroy doesn’t help matters as you need to use the upward knockback from them to get up some vertical sections, and this still attracts the guards to destroy all the more bombs. . .

***

Jafar and Lemmy are still seen together, though Jafar’s taken them a ways away from the city to ensure that nobody comes in on them. “And –that- is what your father did to her, to your mother, and how you were made. Any questions?”.

Lemmy seems absolutely petrified. “Wow. . .I never though it’d be. . .Anything like that. . .Does that mean I’m gonna grow up to like. . .Girls?”.

“. . .Well, unless you’re. . .Homosexual. . .”.

“. . .So there’s a way around liking girls? Thank god. . .”.

Jafar rolls his eyes. “Indeed, wouldn’t want to pick up any cooties or what not. . .Regardless of what you may think of them right now, when you grow up it’ll all change.”.

“Then I don’t wanna grow up! What about that homosexual thingy?”.

“. . .You –really- don’t want to be one of those. . .”.

“I do, I do! Tell me how!”.

“. . .It’s not something you have control over. You’re either born one way or the other, and you’re not at the age where you know which way you tend to lean.”.

“Well then I don’t have anything to worry about. No way I could do something gay like that.”.

“. . .You’ve been using the word gay without even knowing what it means, haven’t you?”.

“Well, everybody else uses it. . .”.

“Gay and homosexual are one and the same.”.

“. . .Oh. . .What about that word dad always uses when he’s pissed off? Trying to remember it. . .Starts with F. . .”.

“. . .It’s referring to what we were just talking about. . .Can we –please- move on from this now? I’m about ready to puke. . .”.

“Alright. . .But I really really needa use the bathroom.”.

Good lord. . .Of all of them to make an alliance with, Jafar. . .Come along. . .”.

Jafar takes Lemmy back into the city, then goes over to Dr. Strangelove. “You wouldn’t happen to know where one could take a leak around here, now would you?”.

“. . .We’ve only been living here for a couple years now. I should hope I know where to do that. . .”. Strangelove points off into the distance. “Go off in that direction a bit. You’ll know where it is once you’ve gotten there.”.

Jafar nods to Strangelove, but Lemmy rushes off very quickly in the direction. Jafar just sighs and calls out after him. “Come back here once you’ve taken care of your business. . .”.

The screen cuts to Lemmy running quickly off, going through some corridors as he exits the city. He shortly reaches a stream of running sewer water, the city being connected to Berlin’s sewer system. Lemmy looks both ways and shrugs, then decides to contribute to the system as the camera shows his upper half as god knows what happen with his lower half. . .But he suddenly shrieks and stops doing what he’s doing, the camera showing a view of him from the back to reveal Hades and Richard flailing about in the sewer water and climbing up onto the platform Lemmy’s on. They don’t seem particularly happy about getting pissed on. . .

***

Brawl
Lemmy Vs. Hades, Richard

You get 2 stock, but they’re both out at once so it’s still ultimately in their favor by a good margin. There’s only one small platform you’re fighting on while most of the stage is taken up by the stream of sewer water that goes as fast as the track on mute city. Considering there’s so little room you’ll have to place your traps very carefully, and the fact there’s nowhere to run from the undeads doesn’t help matters. You can set up a pipe on-stage so you can get back if you’re knocked off easy, but then you’ll save Richard and Hades as well. Not that it matters – Hades has an infinite recovery and Richard can do the same thing with his portal recovery.

***

Hades and Richard. . .Bite into Lemmy’s flesh? Lemmy screams horribly before it turns into a mindless groan, then he gets up as a zombie. Hades and Richard, apparantely zombified, extend out their arms and march forward mindlessly, leading Lemmy along with them. Jafar comes around the corner shaking his head looking down at the ground. “Good god, Lemmy. What’s taking you so long?”. By the time he looks up, the zombies are already upon him. The camera shows his point of view as all three grab onto him and bite into him as he blacks out. . .

DAWN OF THE FIFTH DAY – GROUP 2

Group 2 is all seen together in the restaurant Dingodile and Macho Man were holding out in the previous day. Hades look about every which way, then motions for Richard to come along as he decides to leave without much thought. Before they can get very far at all, Dingodile grabs Hades by the arm. “And just where do ya think you’re going?”.

“C’mon, pal. You know that I us lords of the undead and you mortals aren’t exactly the closest people around. We do our own thing.”.

“Well it’s about time for that to change. If you don’t wanna get voted off, you’re gonna keep your asses right here and help us. Everybody here wants you carcass roasted.”.

“No, I’m pretty sure everybody wants Zant dead. I’m actually gonna go do something important if ya don’t mind.”.

Dingodile does a mocking bowing motion. “Oh, the almighty one doesn’t ‘ave time for us mortals! Please, bless us with your all knowing knowledge! Tell us what you’re gonna do!”.

Richard chuckles. “The almighty ones tire. We shall tell you of our plan later. To stave off your hunger for knowledge until then. . .The meaning of life is to wait for us to tell you our plan later. That is all.”.

Hades puts an arm around Richard. “What my good buddy is –trying- to say is that we’re gonna finish off the zombies at their source. Trust me when I say we’re doing far more then you idiots could ever hope to do.”.

Macho Man puts his hands on his hips. “And just how are you gonna do that, huh? You aren’t any stronger then I am.”.

Hades attempts to explain, but is interrupts by Richard. “I’ll demonstrate. First, I’ll need a volunteer. Does anyone feel like dying?”. After a short pause, Richard folds his arms. “Party poopers.”.

Suddenly, a single zombie conveniently comes into the room. Richard casts some magic on it, then the zombie rips it’s brain out of it’s head and showcases it for all to see. “BRAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNSSSS. . .”.

 Hades chuckles as he pets the zombie on the head. “What with us being lords of the dead, we can control the undead. Really that big of a surprise?”.

Dingodile smirks. “Not bad, mate. Why don’t we all go together to finish em off?”.

Hades looks as if thinking distantly. “Lemme think about it. . .No. You’d just be dead weight.”.

Richard nods in agreement. “Indubitably. If you want to assist us in our noble endeavor, sacrifice yourselves so we can use your corpses too.”.

“. . .What he’s tryin’ to say is that we don’t wanna have to constantly be babysittin you lot so you don’t get turned into zombies too. It’s hard enough to convert ‘em all in time before they get to us.”.

Raven is completely unengaged in the conversation. “And what happens when they do get to you? You’re already undead. . .It’d just be a couple bites. . .”.

“. . .Do you really think we wanna find out?”.

Richard looks uneasy. “If an undead tried to turn an undead into an undead. . .We’d become unUNdeads! There’s a double negative there, you see. We’d become living again!”. He cringes. “The horror!”.

Dingodile just shakes his head. “It’s obvious you two have your heads too far up your asses to see anything but yourselves. Just go.”.

Hades rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Nice way to treat your saviors.”.

“Saviors? I reckoned you were devils, if anythin’.”.

Hades facepalms, then just goes to leave, motioning Richard to come along with him.

***

Level 50
Play as: Hades, Richard

You can still take control of zombies here via Down Special, and the level doesn’t seem particularly harder to clear then the last level. The problem is you need to get a certain amount of zombies to the end before being allowed to proceed, and killing 80% of the zombies in each group before comfortably converting them just won’t get you enough. You have to lure the zombies into pits (Obviously ones that can’t fly) where you can convert them without attacking you, but if you lure in too many the other zombies in the pit will kill your converted zombies faster then you can make more. Furthermore, you have to attack your own zombies to boost them out of the pits, so if they were even slightly damaged. . .

***

Hades and Richard can be seen reaching the part of the Berlin Wall broken down to create a link between West and Easy Germany, where Romero is seated on a throne. He’s clearly been there a while, as he practically looks attached to it, with very pale skin and a much lengthier beard. Hades rubs his hands together eagerly. “Jackpot. That old geezer is probably their leader.”.

Hades motions their army forward to attack against Romero’s, Romero barely turning his head in response. He rips an arm off the armrest of his throne, sounding quite painful, to motion forward his own army. “Who dares defy George A. Romero?”.

Richard clears his throat. ““I am Richard, Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master o-“.

“Silence! Your names matter not. You shall be but more nameless pawns momentarily.”.

Hades chuckles. “We’ve got the same armies, so what it boils down is that it’s two against one. You’ve already lost.”.

“Think what you will. The armies are what matter, and mine is at least twice as large as yours.”.

“. . .You think we got this army ourselves? We’ve got you to thank for that. We just converted your guys to our cause. We’ll just turn all the rest of your guys to our side and call it a day.”.

“So good of you to tell me that. Now I can easily bring them back where they belong.”.

Romero does a casual flick of his hand, causing a zombie next to Richard to lurch out at him. Richard does a similar motion causing it to stand back in place, then they repeatedly start casting spells to fight over control of it. Eventually Romero stops taking control of the zombie, but Richard keeps casting spells on it to change it’s allegiance, not realizing it. Hades just shakes his head and motions his zombies forward to attack.”.

***

Level 51
Play as: Hades, Richard

You expecting to convert all of Romero’s zombies to your side? Fat chance. He’s constantly converting them at the same rate you can (And that’s if you do nothing at all but that) and starts with twice as many as you. When you use Down Special next to zombies already on your side you can order which direction they go in or tell them to stay put (A detail I’ve neglected to mention previously in other Hades/Richard zombie levels) by pressing left/right/down. New in this level, if you input up after the Down Special any zombies in range will start stacking themselves up on top of each other, each of their heads functioning as drop-through platforms.

Your goal is to stack up 8 zombies next to the Berlin Wall in order to be able to reach Romero. Hades’ default recovery is limited severely here so you can’t just casually get up to him, though thankfully Romero prefers to convert zombies attacking rather then some idiots stacking each other on top of each other. Romero’s zombies are blocking the way to the wall, so first you’ll have to make a tower at your start point just to get there and then start converting zombies over next to the wall, trying to go unnoticed as you bring them away from the main pack. You’ll have to defend them as they stack up – if the one on bottom dies they all do. Even when you actually do go to climb the tower of zombies, you still have flying zombies to worry about.

***

Hades grabs the frail old Romero by the neck and laughs maniacally. Romero looks about at Hades’ many scars and teeth marks over his body. “You’ve been bitten more times then I can count. Why do you not succumb to the evil?”.

“Because I’m already an undead, old timer.”. Hades releases Romero and ignites himself in flame. “Perfectly natural living being, am I right?”.

“Well then, if you’re already undead. . .”. Romero does a casual flick of his fingers, causing Hades’ flames to go out and his arms to droop down. He starts drooling slightly as Romero pets him on the head, then casually sends him off with a dismissive motion for Hades to extend his arms out in front of him and walk in the stereotypical zombie fashion.

Romero chuckles and leans forward off his throne to look down at Richard, who’s still casting the same conversion spell on the same zombie. Romero uses the conversion on Richard, but he ends up casting the conversion spell on himself. He shakes his head in confusion, then continues. Romero scratches his chin in thought, then turns to Hades. “Stop him from doing that incessant nonsense, would you?”. Hades nods mindlessly, then goes over to Richard and holds Richard’s arms tightly behind his back. Richard glares back at Hades before Romero converts him. “You –so- cannot pull off the mindless zombie look.”.

***

Dingodile, Macho Man, Raven, Negative Man, and Zant are still inside the restaurant, having boarded themselves in entirely. The zombies can be heard groaning and banging on the entrances in mass, Negative Man practically petrified. “We’re all going to die. . .They’ll get through any minute. . .Then we won’t even have the peace of death as we’re turned into zombies and wander the earth forever. . .”.

Dingodile rolls his eyes. “Ah shaddup will ya? There’s no way they’re gettin’ past that.”. He pauses slightly as Negative Man rubs some tears out of his eyes. “Now then. . .Seeing we’re going to be staying here for the next two days, we’ll have plenty of time to sit down and chat. . .So let’s get this out of the way rather then procrastinating on it till last second. We’re voting off the smarter of the two undeads. The one that’s not Richard. Without ‘im Richard’ll be too stupid to do anything on his own, and we’ll vote him off afterwards anyway. Sooooo who’s with me?”.

Zant shakes his head. “I don’t care how much you’re trying to convince me. I’m already sold on the fact that you’re going to vote me off.”.

“Now Zant, look. . .You’re one of us now, and I intend to actually survive and kill off the deadweights first, not those I have a grudge against. Besides, if I were just gonna kill who I wanted to, I’d be votin’ Richard.”.

Zant just shakes his head and sighs.

“Then who –are- ya voting for, mate? If you’ve got such an inferiority complex, then may as well make a splash when ya go down, am I right?”.

“If you don’t stop pestering me with these insignificant matters, I’ll use my vote on you, fool. I’ve already accepted my fate, now stop trying to milk me for all I’m worth as I go down? I’m not some person you can casually manipulate.”.

Dingodile turns to Negative Man. “What about you, eh mate? You saw how wonderful your vote turned out last time, didn’t ya? Betcha wish ya could take that back. So you’ll vote with me, right?”.

Negative Man wails. “I don’t know who to vote for. . .Even if I didn’t vote for myself, I know you’re all secretly plotting against me to finish me off. . .”.

“Oh come on. . .By, errr, your own admission, you obviously ain’t much of a threat. You’ll vote with me, yes?”.

“Stop feeding me your lies! You’re only making it worse!”.

Dingodile twitches as he turns to Raven, getting quite pissed at this point and speaking in a very aggravated tone. “Alright, alright. So long as we at least have you, it can work. You, me, Macho Man against Hades and Richard. So long as the Zant and cheese block variables don’t screw us over, it’ll be fine. Just don’t tell me you also have a death wish. . .”.

Raven sighs. “. . .You could. . .Sort of. . .Describe it as that. . .”.

Dingodile’s eye twitches violently. “The hell is with you people?!? You all wanna freakin’ kill yourselves?!? Well then, pass the knife so I can cut myself till I bleed to death, baby, cause we’re all goddamn screwed.”.

Negative Man looks up at Dingodile. “Finally you understand. . .”.

Raven folds her arms. “Are you finished?”.

Dingodile pants slightly. “Yeah, think I’m done.”.

“Before you interrupted me, I was going to say I still intend to actually do something before I get killed off. There’s no way I want one of those undeads to be the single lucky person to live through this. I’ll vote with you.”.

Dingodile actually smiles slightly. “Good to hear not everybody’s here insane. . .”. Dingodile turns to the kitchen. “Macho?”.

Macho Man comes out of the kitchen. “Yeah, dude?”.

“You’re needed out here. Hopefully your positive influence can rub off on this lot that wanna kill themselves.”.

Raven rolls her eyes. “I don’t –want- to die. I don’t have any control over it. Regardless of this game, I don’t have long to live, so even if I did somehow win I’d just die a couple days afterwards. No reason I should waste that slot somebody else could take.”.

“Well, you weren’t exactly too specific earlier. . .”.

Zant folds his arms. “Well I, on the other hand, was. I’m not just mindlessly moping like that blocky fool. I don’t –want- to die either, but it’s obvious you’re going to vote me off.”.

“Uhhh, mate? You do realize with me, Macho, and the lass over here we’re the dominant group, right? We don’t –need- your vote, so you’re only screwing yourself over. You were given the chance to get out – you probably won’t get it again.”.

“What chance? You just said you can kill off the undeads fine. You’re perfectly open to killing me first and still killing them later.”.

“. . .If you’re expectin’ me to defend ya, mate, I ain’t gonna do it.”.

“I’m just waiting in the corner for my death. That’s all.”.

“. . .So what’s the difference between you and block man again?”.

Zant looks as if about to say something, but then stops himself and shakes his head. Negative Man clings onto Zant’s leg. “Stay here with me. . .One of us. . .One of us. . .”.

Zant looks down at Negative Man irritably before shaking him off. ”Good god, just what have I become? Am I really this pathetic. . .?”.

Actually somewhat socially conscious, Raven actually makes conversation. “So speaking of those undeads, when do you think they’ll be back?”.

Macho Man shrugs. “Well, there’s no way they’ll actually beat the zombies. If I can’t beat ‘em, no way they can. Probably won’t take much time for them to realize that either – they’ll come running back here before too long.”.

Zant shrugs. “They can convert the zombies. It’s possible.”.

Dingodile rolls his eyes. “Yeah, one at a freakin’ time. The others would all gang bang ‘em if they tried to turn them all individually. In any case, I can’t wait till they come to us and expect us to let ‘em in. They’ll just lure even more zombies here, and we’ll have to let some of ‘em in to let those numbskulls in.”.

Suddenly, the door bursts down in flame, catching everybody’s attention. The smoke quickly disperses to reveal Hades and Richard.

“Well speak of the devil, mates! Look who decided to show up!”.

***

Brawl
Dingodile, Super Macho Man, Raven, Negative Man, Zant Vs. Hades, Richard

Yes, you actually get all five of your stocks while the enemy team has to settle for a paltry two. Pretty rigged, yes? It would be, but those extra three stocks don’t hold much meaning when by the time you’ve lost two stocks the stage will be completely covered in the zombies swarming in from the entrance. There’s still enough of them on the first and second stock that the battle is still rigged in their favor even then. No, you can’t casually wall out the zombies either, as the flying zombies can get over the walls. Sure, you could put a wall right in front of the entrance to block it entirely, but this isn’t a stamina match – that entrance is the only blast zone. If you block it off in such a way they can’t enter at all you won’t be able to kill Hades and Richard, and when the wall inevitably comes down the zombies will swarm in like never before.

***

The group is seen running out of the restaurant frantically as the zombies chase after them. Raven goes to casually fly away once out, but the flying zombies quickly force her down to the ground. Hades and Richard can be seen stumbling after the party stupidly, both considerably beaten from the five on two match. Richard’s been reduced to a pile of bones, his limbs, torso, and head crawling/rolling after the group individually. His head goes over to one of his legs, then he has it kick him forward. He hits Macho Man in the back with it, but this doesn’t phase him.

Macho man goes to smack the head back from whence it came, but Dingodile chuckles and takes it away from him. “No, no, Macho Man. That’s letting him off too easy. Can’t let this opportunity go to waste, now can we?”. Dingodile turns to a zombie that’s more bone then flesh and rather small then stature, then smacks off its’ head with his tail and jams Richard’s skull into it in it’s place. Dingodile looks at the mini Richard proudly, but then Macho Man smacks it to pieces, causing Dingodile to frown. “Now what’d ya have to go and do that for?!?”.

“. . .If you haven’t noticed, we’re being chased by zombies.”.

“Well yeah, but was it necessary to ruin my work of art? Not like he could do anything in that scrawny body.”.

“. . .I’m sorry? We don’t really have time to argue about crap like this.”.

“Relax. I’ve already got our escape route ready.”. Dingodile opens up a manhole, then leaps down into the sewer. The zombies nearly upon them, Macho Man leaps down after him into it. The others see this and quickly go down the manhole as well, the zombies looking about stupidly on the surface as they go down. Unfortunately, the drop from the manhole leads straight into some sewer water. Raven casually flies to the side and Zant slows down his momentum with some limited levitation to do so, but the other three are being carried away in a fast current. Raven levitates Negative Man up out of the water, and onto the side, but by the time she’s done the other two are long gone.

Raven goes to fly after them, but Zant folds his arm and shakes his head. “Don’t waste your time. You’ll never catch up.”.

Negative Man nods in agreement. “Yeah. . .They’re doomed. . .”.

Raven is rather agitated. “What do you want me to do? Just let them die?”.

Zant shakes his head. “They won’t die. They’re in water – do you really think zombies are intelligent enough to swim? They’re in the safest place they can possibly be. And besides, how else do you think zombies find us out in the middle of nowhere? Smell. When they’re covered in sewer water there’s no way they’ll be able to track them.”.

Suddenly, Hades and Richard (Who’s fixed himself up) come down into the sewer after them, getting washed away in the direction of Dingodile and Macho Man.

Raven glares at Zant. “And how do you explain that?”.

Zant shrugs. “Well, they were already undead. . .I suppose they kept some of their intelligence in-tact. Why else would it only be those two who came and not the whole horde? Those two can handle themselves fine against the undeads – the only reason we had trouble with them before was because of the horde. They’ve been washed far too downstream while we were talking for you to do anything about it anyway.”.

“. . .So what do you want me to do instead of going after them then? What urgent matter is there that we must attend to here?”.

Negative Man looks up at Raven. “Stay here. . .I know you also know of your death. . .You’re the only other person besides him and I who know the truth. . .We must stick together. . .”.

Raven twitches slightly at this as Zant chuckles. “Well, if you really want to catch up so very badly, you’d have to go into the sewer to go after them, and I know a good little girl like yourself wouldn’t want to mess up her hair playing in the sewer, now would she?”.

Raven’s eye twitches considerably. “. . .Just for that, you two are coming with me.”. Raven goes to fling Zant into the sewer, but he manages to resist the pull long enough that he can send a projectile at Raven to interrupt it, causing her to get knocked into the water. Zant laughs at her as she gets washes away, then motions Negative Man to come along in the opposite direction the others went. “Let’s take the route where we don’t get pissed on, shall we?”.

***

Level 52
Play as: Zant, Negative Man

Unfortunately for Zant, this level has several impossible jumps for his run of the mill portal recovery (And Negative Man’s horrible recovery) where he’ll inevitably have to splash down in the sewer water. The sewer water functions like Brawl water, but skyrockets you forwards at the rate of Big Blue’s race-track and does 1% poison damage per second. You have to make sure you come out of the water sooner then later to make it to a drop-through platform before you’re whisked off-screen.

At the end there’s a section where you have to go into some sewer water and there’s several walled in rooms above you. You can go through the platforms from the bottom, but not from above. These rooms each contain Mario-esque pipes, only one leading to the end of the level while the others lead back to the start, some even leading to enemy encounters before taking you back to the start. Furthermore there’s some goodies to distract you in some of the rooms, and the platform you have to jump through to get to the actual exit is very small and requires precise timing less you land in one of the enemy encounter rooms (Did I mention they respawn?) instead. That paltry poison damage from the sewer water will start stacking considerably here as you go through the stream again and again. . .

***

Dingodile and Macho Man are seen flailing about in the stream of sewer water, trying to get to any of the platforms on the sides, but they’re too far up for them to get to anyway. Dingodile angrily shouts at Macho Man. “You’re always usin’ all that surfer lingo and crap, why cantcha swim?”.

“Dude! I didn’t swim in a stream of piss going god knows how fast! Sides, you’re not one to talk. If it wasn’t for your brilliant escape route idea we’d be fine!”.

“Oi. We’re safe from the zombies. That’s what matters.”. Dingodile gets into a reclining position as he’s swept along. “Relax. Maybe this would be a good time to take a piss? Nobody will notice.”.

“. . .I’d really rather not my. . .-Undergarments- get swept away. . .”.

“Oh what’s the matter, mate? Whatever happened to your manliness that you wanted to put on display for the whole world to see?”.

Macho Man smirks. “Well, alright. I didn’t know you swung that way. . .”.

Dingodile frowns. “No, mate. I’m not the one with somethin’ to hide here. . .You don’t wanna take em off because you don’t want me to see the lack of “manliness” there. Am I right? That’s why you act so “macho”, ain’t it? To make up for what ya weren’t born with?”.

Macho Man twitches before lunging towards Dingodile and smacking him across the face, then the two of them start fighting each other as they get swept down the stream. Hades and Richard who’ve been using spells and such to propel themselves faster catch up to them and join the brawl.

***

 Brawl
Super Macho Man Vs. Dingodile Vs. Hades, Richard

The stage is very awkward – essentially it’s jungle japes if all the platforms were removed, leaving nothing but a rushing stream of sewer water. While the stream isn’t so stupidly fast that everyone dies the moment the match starts, you’ll have to constantly keep jumping to the left as you’re swept towards the right. Considering there’s no stable ground, this also means you won’t be using anything outside aerials and specials here. You’ll obviously want to focus on the undead team – if not for the fact they’re allied while you and Dingo are unallied, for the fact they don’t take any poison damage from the sewer water thanks to their undead status. If Richard sets up one portal at the far left of the screen, he has an excellent “recovery”, and the recoveries of Dingodile and Hades are also infinite while you’re stuck with your standard one.

***

Hades and Richard get swept along further as they go unconscious, Macho still aggressively attacking Dingodile. “God, stop already, dammit! It was a joke! A bloody joke, goddammit!”.

Macho Man pants slightly as he stops. “You don’t joke about that sort of thing. That was pretty damn cold right there.”.

“I get it, aight? I was just tryin’ to lighten the mood was all.”.

“. . .If that’s your definition of “lightening the mood”, I really don’t wanna know what your definition of bringing it down is.”.

Dingodile just sighs as the sewer water starts getting more. . .crappy, quite literally.

“Oh god, the hell is that shit?!?”.

“. . .I’m thinking it’s shit, personally.”.

Both pause before frantically swimming against the stream, but ultimately get pulled into the crap anyway, the pull still stronger then they can swim against. After being pulled a bit into it, they finally reach some land that they can climb up onto – a good thing too, considering there’s some sort of whirlpool in the middle of this room sucking everything in. Both of them stare at it weirded out for a time before Dingodile sighs and starts shooting emptying his bazooka and the canister on his back of piss and crap and Macho Man starts wiping himself off. “Bogus. . .”.

The screen cuts to Raven being washed in to the area briefly.  Going through the actual crap is a bit too much for her to willingly do, much less considering that it isn’t going as fast. She flies up out of the water and flies over to where Dingodile and Macho Man are, the later rolling his eyes. “Guh. . .So lucky. What the flight of yours you don’t have to go through the crap.”.

Dingodile chuckles slightly. “She’s already feelin’ crappy most of the time anyway, ain’t she? What with, y’know, her dyin’ and all.”.

Raven shakes her head in annoyance. “God. . .He better not be as big a fan of puns as Beast Boy. . .”.

“Sooooooooooo where are the others anyway, exactly?”.

“Zant took Negative Man along with him and left. He was trying to get me to come along with him and abandon you two.”.

“Go figure, that dickwad. . .Guess he was right all along in that we’re gonna vote him off, heh.”.

Dingodile and Macho Man finish wiping the crap off themselves, but suddenly the whirlpool in the center of the room starts dispersing as it levels out with the rest of the crappy water before eventually rising up and forming a giant mound of shit – the Great Mighty Poo. He throws a giant piece of shit at the characters, covering them in it after a cartoony splat, significantly pissing them off. Dingodile holds up his bazooka and shakes it angrily at him. “Oh c’mon, mate, I just cleaned this!”. GMP laughs as he sinks back down into the ground and the whirlpool comes back in his place.

***

Level 53
Play as: Dingodile, Super Macho Man, Raven

The way you’ll have to change between rooms here is by going into this shitty whirlpools, and the poison damage is still present from all the other sewer water – and it’s now tripled thanks to all the crap. In each room the GMP will be coming up out of all the shit holes in-between platforms to throw shit at you, and if you attempt to attack him he just casually ducks into the hole and pops out of another one. If you attempt to use the shit whirlpool to progress to the next room, he’ll block it with his girth. You have to hit switches in each room to cause some fresh water to wash into the room, causing the GMP to flee the room through the shit whirlpool and allowing you to proceed to the next room. The GMP makes platforming difficult later on as he blows you back with his ominous opera voice while throwing shit at you the whole time, as well as bringing down tidal shit waves to push you back. Upon reaching the last room with no switches, the GMP washes you off-stage with his shit for an un-avoidable instant KO. Assuming that wasn’t your last stock, you’re given enough stocks after this to get back up to three again and the game immediately transitions into the boss battle with no cutscene.

***

BOSS: The Great Mighty Poo

Play as: Dingodile, Super Macho Man, Raven

You ultimately are on one tiny cute little platform Bowser’s width. That’s it. On either side of you there’s half Final Destination’s worth of shit (Which thankfully isn’t rushing along like the levels) and the GMP always stays in the middle of one of these shit pools, changing position between the two pools roughly every three attacks. Of course, the GMP is singing his theme throughout the battle in a similar fashion to his actual Conker’s Bad Fury Day fight. The GMP is completely solid, unlike the standard boss. If he gets between you and the main platform, he won’t dive under to go to the shit pool.

Attacks:

Throwing his Shit at You: By far the most common attack of the GMP. He’ll randomly use this attack in combination with just about anything else. The GMP has no real down time where he’s not attacking like most bosses – he just has periods where he uses his other attacks and throws shit. The shit deals 10%, is the size of Wario and does set weak downward knockback.

Sloprano: The Great Mighty Poo lets out a deafening opera cry, pushing you back with quadruple FLUDD power. There’s not much you can do to resist it entirely unless you’re already on the platform in the middle, in which case you can just grab the edge and wait it out. . .But your lower torso will be in the shit as you hang on the edge, making you take the poison damage. This can’t KO you unless you’re already halfway out into a shit pool. If the GMP is between you and the platform and uses this move, you’re pretty well screwed. He can also use the move to get into this position well by pushing you back a good distance, then popping up on the other side of the stage to block you off from the platform. You can still get over him, but it’s not easy, much less with his throwing shit doing downward knockback.

Fecal Geyser: The GMP gets shot up by a stream of poo from underneath him, his body a hitbox that deals 25% and high vertical knockback as he goes up. He’ll stay up at this position for a considerable while unreachable by most attacks, and you have to hit him to knock him down, as otherwise he’ll just throw shit from this hard to reach position forever. If you go underneath the GMP, he’ll hastily fall back down to spike you down for 40% and far more likely then not a KO. If he uses this when he’s in-between you and the main platform, then you have to knock him down before you can attempt to get back to safety or else you’ll just get spiked to your doom.

Dung Beetle: The GMP reaches into himself and pulls out a dung beetle, then lobs it onto the central platform. They have fast movement speed and turn around when reaching edges, dealing an annoying 7% and light knockback on contact. They occupy your one safe area and can’t be killed due to their infinite stamina – you have to knock them away into the shit pool. If you knock them into the shit pool the GMP is in, he’ll just fish it out of the pool and throw it back onto the platform, and even if you do that he’ll throw it back onto the platform once he dives down and reappears in the other pool. There’s no limit to the amount of dung beetles that can be present, though it’s generally easy enough to knock them all off the stage with one attack. Eventually it’ll get to the point you have to come down on them with an aerial though due to them covering the whole damn platform.

Diarrhea: The Great Mighty Poo enters a constipated pose as a farting noise is heard, then the “shit level” rises up to cover up the platform and leave you with no ground to stand on. You can interrupt this attack to prevent it from covering up the platform, though a favorite tactic of the GMP is to wait for him to be between you and the platform then to go into the opposite shit pool to do this move while you’re too far away to do anything about it. There’s no limit to how far up the shit level can rise, it being an instant KO if it goes too high. The shit level goes down 6X as slow as he can bring it up.

Chocolate Rain: The GMP smacks the ceiling, not having to reach too far to do so due to his immense size. This causes the ceiling over the opposite shit pool to start leaking down “chocolate rain”, and you have to go hit it with an attack to stop it. While you’re busy plugging up the leak, the GMP will use Diarrhea if he’s in a particularly evil mood so the shit level rises anyway. . .

Absorb: The Great Mighty Poo absorbs any extra shit he’s made, healing himself for more stamina based off how much he drains. If you’re swimming in the shit, you’ll be sucked towards him at the rate of Mario’s dash, and if you get absorbed into him he’ll spit you out for 26% and high knockback after he’s done absorbing the shit.

Undead Twat: At 50% health, the GMP will reach into himself and pull out Hades or Richard at random then throw them at you where they’ll begin to fight you like normal. They’re not allied to the GMP in that they can hurt each other, but they still focus you exclusively. The best way to kill them off is to have the GMP absorb them, as if he does he won’t spit them out. Of course, this means you have to let the GMP get up the shit level –and- heal himself. . .


Responses

  1. #liquidblast

  2. Bloody hell, there is only one Rool. Unless the other one is Plorf, someone’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.

  3. Excellent stuff, MW. I loved all the character interactions again – mostly, loved Romero and Strangelove’s cameos, as well as all the vote dealings. I do wonder if Lemmy is dead or not.

  4. Despite not being at this for a good bit, you still manage to write a very good story with what you have, and the fact you characterize each survivor in their own personality well yet in a mature realistically thinking way is just astounding.

    Im a fan of all the alliance shifting this episode. Very much a fan of the whole Jafar/Lemmy thing, and Morton actually having a personality makes him a lot more of an interesting character. Kill Anne as soon as you can write her out in a good way though, youve already used every possible use of her besides actually getting her raped.

    Group 2 has a lot more personality. Dingodile is easily the best written of them all with a perfect dialect and personality. His fading relationship with Macho really shines in this. Zant reluctantly swallowing his pride and teaming up with Negative Man was a great move and Raven is slowly but surely becoming more important.

    Strangelove and Romero were perfectly done BTW. Great polar opposites. I expect them to clash 1 on 1 right before the groups are sucked into a portal ;).

    While I didnt mind the large amounts of sexual content here, try to keep the gay talks/attempted rape/ball-showing/etc scenes to a minimum next time.

    Overall, great. Please continue onward. Ill wait.

  5. Hey, waitasecond – do you really call Strangelove RUSSIAN in this? Whaaaat? That’s unflattering, inaccurate, ouuutrageous!

  6. Great chapter, as usual. I’m still kinda pissed that Mustang was voted off first. I’d have loved to see how he would have handled the zombies.

    But anyways, I’m thinking Jafar will be next.

  7. I retract my statement on both accounts.


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