Posted by: sundancethekid | October 22, 2011

ISSUE NO.1 •••BONER-MAN••• Oct. 2011

Published by Darkhorse comics, in association with Sundance productions and lolchillinz inc.

THE HARDENING

(Part 1)

“Peckerwood”

No answer.

“Peckerwood!”

No answer.

“Dadgummit, where is that sonovabitch? PECKERWOOD!”

The old man put down his pencil and slowly got off his chair. The enlistment forms could wait. As the old man slowly limped toward the door, he stopped and looked at himself in the mirror. He adjusted his beret and dusted off his jacket, “Bastard’s prolly lollygagging somewhere…” The old man opened his office door only to be greeted by a half eaten turkey sammich, half a bag of chips, KIDZ BOP 7, and a stack of unsorted papers. “So this was his much needed lunch break, eh?” The old man grumbles as he opens the trailer door and walks outside. It’s a perfectly normal day in Chodesville.

As the old walked the path to the field, he heard someone call his name behind him.

“Colonel Buster!” said the voice. Buster turned around and greeted the young man. “Private Johnson, what a surprise.”

“You haven’t happened to see Peckerwood around here, have ya?”

“Well, no, sir. I haven’t seen him all day, sir. I’d bet dollars to donuts that he’s under that tree near the minefield, though.”

Colonel Buster thanked Johnson for the tip, saluted him and went on his way.

As Colonel Buster made his way into the clearing, he noticed an indeterminate figure lying under the oak tree that stood in the ceneter of the meadow. “Damn, hippy.” Colonel Buster quietly walked up near the figure, a tall average joe looking man with a buzzcut.

“PECKERWOOD”

“Huh, what?”

“NAPPING AS USUAL I SEE.”

“Well, you see Colonel Buster, sir…I was eating my lunch and I accidently a turkey sammich”

“YOU WHAT?”

“A turkey sammich, sir.”

“Dammit, Peckerwood. I don’t know why I keep you here. You do nothing but eat, nap under this damn oak tree, and fiddle around with the computer. God knows what you do on that damn thing. All I know is that every time I use your computer it keeps asking me if I want to be spanked even though I haven’t done anything wrong. Tell me one good reason why I shouldn’t dishonorably discharge your ass right now.”

Buster stood there as Private Peckerwood got on his knees…and begged. “Please, Colonel! I have no where else to go! I flunked outta high school, the military is the only place I got!”

The Colonel knew he was right. Peckerwood  was as dumb as Plorf…whom he had never heard of (WARY). The old man decided to give him one last chance. “Get up, son. Ain’t right for a man in uniform to be on his knees. Let’s go see if we can’t get some use outta you”

The Colonel led Peckerwood to a remote part of the base. “Colonel,” said Peckerwood, “Where are we going? I’ve never been to this part o’ the base before…” “Shush, boy” replied the old man.  The two stopped in front of an old abandoned shed.

“What’s this, Colonel?”

“It’s a shed you cunt.”

Advertisements

Responses

  1. It needs something at the top like “the OFFICIAL comic of MYM”

    (smirk)

  2. “I accidentally a turkey sammich.”

    (Y)

  3. What does this all mean?


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: