Posted by: SirKibble | January 12, 2012

Kibble’s Bit — Raspberyl

She's got a lollipop and she's not afraid to give it to you as a charitable contribution of sorts!

Well, Crash, I guess I should begin by saying hello. Upon looking over your brief history of posts, it looks like you made a couple movesets in MYM9, while I was absent from the contests, making Raspberyl your third. So you’ve had a little bit of a break from moveset-making, but obviously still have an interest in it. That’s the first thing that jumps out to me, before almost anything else–you really wanted to make this moveset. I’m guessing it was a passion for the series and the character that drove that, and that’s something I find very respectable. Mind you, it shows throughout much of the moveset when you really like a character and are excited to make them a moveset. Such is the case with Raspberyl.

Section I: Impressions

In any moveset, it’s important to impress upon your reader’s mind whatever values you’re carrying into the moveset with you. Suck them in, so to speak, and get them to feel a part of what you do for the character or series. You begin with some music links, which I think is a nice touch. I think you’d be better off putting them in a playlist or something, though, so your reader doesn’t have to scroll up and grab another link whenever a song ends. What you’ve got right now encourages an initial dip into Disgaea (which, I should add, I’m almost totally unfamiliar with, so these served to kind of set the tone for me), but a playlist encourages your reader to submerge themselves in the world of your moveset. Of course, music isn’t necessary or anything, but if you’re planning to use it again in the future–which I do think is a great idea–I recommend using a playlist.

The picture is nice and large, and while some may quip about having it on the standard white background, I don’t think that’s any sort of big deal. You describe her even before your full-on summary as “the sweet, charitable, delinquent demon of Evil Academy.” That’s a pretty effective hook, as it doesn’t make sense right off the bat, and then your full overview serves to clarify. Not too much more to say there, so I’ll move onto the physical appearance of the moveset. Your organization is effective, but not quite the most reader-friendly. It’s not hard to read, per se, but a couple little touches could make it that much easier. First, use a couple more colors. Right now, your headers are the same color as your move names are the same color as your highlighted sentences. On the other hand, as a balancing factor, they are all different sizes, but even changing the shades of magenta (erm, I guess the color probably is better referred to as “Raspberry”) would make a difference. Personally, I like centered headers as well, but I see that as a far more minor thing. You’ve accomplished the purpose of making the sections of the moveset stand apart, and it’s inviting enough that once someone gets reading, there won’t be any serious problems.

Now, let me talk about character for a second. Raspberyl, you describe as a delinquent of Evil Academy, which means she’s actually the opposite of what delinquents are to the rest of us. She’s charitable and offers service and generally is a good girl. You don’t say it, but given that Disgaea is an RPG, I suspect she’s not all peaches and sunshine, though. So she’s more of a good bad girl than just a good girl. She helps people out and goes to class and whatnot, but she’s far from perfect and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. She especially likes getting her hands dirty when it comes to disciplining (or maybe it’s more like corrupting) the honors students and other more evil creatures. That’s the sense I get, anyway. That she’s basically a good girl, but a fighter all the same. Since I’m unfamiliar with Disgaea for the most part, it’ll be up to you to see how well what I understood Raspberyl to be matches up with what you understand her to be and what you were trying to portray her as.

Section II: Attacks and Things

So then we dive into Raspberyl’s actual moveset. She attacks with this book of hers, which apparently contains rules and guidelines for being a delinquent. Oh, and contains the power to make fire and orbs of pink light and such. These orbs serve to incapacitate foes for a frightening period of time, the primary purpose of which is to use those various moves she has that require lots and lots of time to use right. She has a few other moves like that throughout the moveset, things that space her from the opponent or put them at bay in one way or another. Interestingly, she sports a different type of setup than a lot of other characters, who place “traps” around the field. Raspberyl just needs sufficient time. Time is her setup and she spends the early part of the match trying to buy it. She actually does well against characters who have other forms of setup via traps and props, because she can destroy them and earn a few brownie points (er, excuse me–RADS) in the process.

She has a balance of functional and abstract moves, perhaps a bit too heavy toward the abstract. An example of this might be found in the Up Smash, which is, for all intents and purposes, a very high jump. That’s it. Now, I don’t know about you, but I generally hit Up Smashes in a match because I’m ready to skyrocket my opponent off the blast zone, or at least push them into the air for some follow up juggling or something. What I’m saying is that I think you may have overstepped the bounds of rationality in favor of having a move fit the playing style. Sure, it does her good to jump up out of the way of her opponents, but it messes with the fundamental nature of the Up Smash in a way that I find hard to overlook. I don’t mean to hound you about it, though–I was probably the most guilty of stuff like this out of anyone back in the day.  Just something to think about.

Looking past that, you seems to have a pretty good grasp  on piecing moves together to form a playstyle. Despite the fact you didn’t write much of a playstyle section and said you couldn’t do it very well, the way you actually put the moves together is rather good. Raspberyl’s sub-playstyles, which could basically be defined as Spacing (via the book toss and some other moves) and Setup (both in the form of her extremely laggy powerful attacks needing time and her important accumulation of RADS) come together to form something solid. In short, despite the fact you may not feel totally confident in it, you seem to know well enough what you’re doing and how to do it.

The only other real complaint I had as I read through the moveset was some of the times and other balance issues. Three seconds is an absolute eternity in Smash Bros. She can buy that with about a second to herself, less if the opponent comes in close. If she takes the full second, she’s got a three SBB-long attack to get it with. That’s pretty darn long for something like this. Those examples, of course, are both from the Neutral Special, but there are a handful of other instances of it throughout the set. It’s no dealbreaker, for sure, but I must admit it bothered me.

Section III: Conclusions

So, let me say first that what I read did in fact seem to match most of my original impression of what Raspberyl would be. And indeed, I felt a connection to her by the end. That’s something I personally look for a lot in a moveset–the opportunity to connect with the character. Your writing style, even if occasionally lacking in a couple details, is very effective in that regard. It was relaxed, but not overly so, something I sensed was appropriate for Raspberyl. It makes the moveset more fun to read when you start liking the character, so kudos on that–I think you did a great job there. Beyond that, you have a solid grasp on what MYM expects from movesets, and even if I seemed a tad critical in some of the above paragraphs, it’s because I think you’re seriously on the right track.  You have a lot of potential, Crash, and I don’t mean that in a way that’s to say you haven’t already tapped into a good chunk of it. I really enjoyed this set, and I want to see more from you in the future.

I don’t know that I have anything more to say at this point, but I felt like this section should have another paragraph. Hope you enjoyed the review, and if I was totally off-base with something or you wanted to discuss something further in-depth, I’d love to hear what you have to say!

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Responses

  1. I don’t know if Crash reads the bunker or not, so you might want to consider linking this in the thread.

  2. I PM’d him with a link to this already. 😉

  3. I figured he’d probably check back since he did request the review here in the first place, but it sure won’t hurt for him to be notified. Thanks for taking care of that, Smady.

  4. If I could do that emote with the adoring eyes and the gaping jaw I totally would.

    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ❤


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