Posted by: katapultarr | February 5, 2012

Whiskey and Green Tea – Chaptre 2

On an entirely different subject from the previous chapter, Wolf Man and THE REAL Fruit Brute were sitting next to each other on a bench watching a game of good old fashion American baseball. What relationship do these two share with each other? Why, that should be more obvious than the glaringly large amount of typos in a n00b’s moveset!

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FRUIT BRUTE – Welcome back home brother. You want some Fruit Brute cereal?
WOLF MAN – You’re STILL trying to sell that crap even after it went out 30 years ago? You should really go out get a proper job, like I did.
FRUIT BRUTE – Except your job revolves around shady deals and killing people.
WOLF MAN – That’s still a hell of a lot better than prancing around like a hobo trying to sell cereal that’s been God-knows-where without success…I’m almost ashamed to even call you my younger brother.
FRUIT BRUTE – For YOUR information, that was one-time thing. I’m not trying to sell my cereal anymore but take it away from all those whose hands it has fell into.
WOLF MAN – Wait, are you implying that people are ACTUALLY eating your cereal?
FRUIT BRUTE – They were. You see, once my cereal was taken off the shelves various American retailers ended up selling it around Japan for ridiculously cheap prices; it eventually got to the point where the cereal got a cult following and was made in secret factories, even to this very day…
WOLF MAN – Isn’t that a GOOD thing? I mean you’ve had some success man, but it seems to have fell on you!
FRUIT BRUTE – You couldn’t possibly be more right. Not only did I NOT get any of the royalties from the cereals that sold, but the actual cereal itself was changed into an actual HEALTHY breakfast that improves physical and mental capabilities!! You know it’s always been my dream to take over the world via making little kiddies’ teeth rot in despair when they become adults by getting them addicted to my cereal before Ronald McDonald could…oh, but do you know that THE worst part is?
WOLF MAN – Humor me why don’t you?
FRUIT BRUTE – THEY’RE FEEDING MY MOTHERFUCKING CEREAL TO DISABLED PEOPLE IN A SCHOOL FOR DISABLED PEOPLE!! IF THAT CONTINUES THEY’RE GONNA END UP MAKING ME LOOK SOOOOOOOOOO RETARDED!!
WOLF MAN – But you already are, both physically and mentally. Seriously man, you only have FOUR FINGERS…(oh wait now that I think about it, so do I!)
FRUIT BRUTE – WELL NOT ANYMORE!! I’LL USE MY WEREWOLF POWER TO TRANSFORM!! FRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIT!!
WOLF MAN – You’ve got to be shitting me! Nobody in our family’s had the werewolf potential for generations!
FRUIT BRUTE – WELL BROTHER, I HAPPEN TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 

Much to Wolf Man’s terror, his brother was suddenly being covered in that DBZ Super-Sayain esque glow that indicated that his power was growing at astounding rates! In this case however, his appearance was becoming far more feral from before, and not to mention his old saggy clothes were being torn and replaced with hairy man fur; oh, and there also appeared to be a change in the number of fingers he had…

The transformation eventually came to an end, and Fruit Brute stood tall, towering over his now measly brother who stood before him with some degree of fear in his feral heart…

WOLF MAN – I-Impossible! With the werewolf potential…you now have FIVE FINGERS!! – No seriously people, the picture at the bottom of Fruit Brute’s moveset shows he has that many fingers!
FRUIT BRUTE – THAT IS CORRECT, MY PATHETIC LITTLE BROTHER! I AM NO LONGER THE LITTLE BROTHER YOU ONCE KNEW, BUT RATHER, I AM….A GOOOOOOOOOD!!! – The new and improved Wolf Man entered a feral stance as all the baseball players who were playing from the start ran away in fear, not bothering to call the police.
WOLF MAN – Big talk from a little wolf! What do you plan to do now then?
FRUIT BRUTE – SIMPLE. I PLAN TO USE MY SUPER-POWERED NOSE TO SNIFF OUT ALL THE REMAINING FRUIT BRUTE CEREAL IN THE WORLD, STEAL AND EAT ALL OF IT’S NEW-FOUND NUTRITION FOR MYSELF BEFORE TRULY BECOMING GOD!
WOLF MAN – And you plan to do that all by yourself? You’re a big target for the hunters, you know!
FRUIT BRUTE – FOOLISH BROTHER. YOU GREATLY UNDERESTIMATE ME. I’M FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU OR ANY OF YOUR PUNY MAFIA BUDDIES. BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TRY AND CATCH ME, THEN BY ALL MEANS TRY!! 

With that, the almighty Fruit Brute used his incredible manpower to leap away from his acclaimed brother and in search of his first victim…in the meantime, Wolf Man was left all along, realizing just what he had to do.

WOLF MAN – Well, I WAS hoping to take a break from my mafia work and spend some quality time with by little brother, but nooooooo. That little shit just HAS to go and fuck things up like he always did…

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WOLF MAN – And that’s what happened between me and that excuse of a brother I had. 

In a small yet luxurious-looking room, Wolf Man had described to Mello the events of which had occurred a single day ago, with this event having occurred slightly before the events of the 1st Chapter for information’s sake.

MELLO – I see. But exactly how this concerns us mafia and why we’d want to help you take down your super-powered brother are questions you should be asking yourself. We don’t stock up on Fruit Brute cereal here, you know; we eat chocolate…lots of it. – With that, Mello took a bite of his chocolate bar and felt 2% stronger despite the obvious caffeine it had in it, but that’s just weird Death Note logic kicking into overdrive.
WOLF MAN – True, but you do owe quite a bit for my services to you. Without me you wouldn’t have stood any chance of sniffing out and smuggling those super-powered chocolate bars you’re eating right now here into this country.
MELLO – You have a point…except we ALREADY have the chocolate here with us, and you’re not really helpful to us in any other way. But I’m not one to turn my back on comrades and such; if we’re gonna capture this Fruit Brute fellow, we’re gonna need a plan. Why don’t we….kidnap an innocent girl?
WOLF MAN – You never change, do you? In any case, I’m fine with any method you use to complete this mission, but I’m curious…exactly HOW do you intend on pulling this off?
MELLO  Well my friend, we’ll obviously need an eye for an eye here, which is why I’m going to call up some friends I happen to know…you’re familiar with the Feminists Organisation, correct?
WOLF MAN – But WHY them of all people!?
MELLO  That’s simple; you said the Fruit Brute cereal was popular in Japan, correct?
WOLF MAN – Yes.
MELLO  And how long would it take for Fruit Brute himself to get to that little island?
WOLF MAN – Judging from the immense strength of our werewolf ancestors, about 7 days at best.
MELLO  7 days have not passed yet, Fruit Brute cereal exists there that Fruit Brute himself would want, and I happen to know a few hoes in the Land of the Rising Sun…you know what I’m getting at here?
WOLF MAN – Lemme guess….you’re gonna call up a few members of the Feminists’ Organisation to collect Fruit Brute from all over a certain school for disabled people, have them dump it into a truck they enchanted to attack anyone who gets near and have said truck teleport all the way to us here in America when it gets a captive so some manly men will feel obligated to save said girl and their Fruit Brute before ultimately leading said werewolf to us to which we can finish him off , but in said process you end up giving the Feminists’ more power so you can end up joining with them?
MELLO  You read my mind…except I’m only kidnapping the girl for fun and because the organization wants her rid, but otherwise she is completely unnecessary to the plan.
WOLF MAN – That sound waaaaaaaaay too scripted, man. And tacky too. How do you know it’d work just like that.
MELLO  First, I’m motherfucking Mello and run a competent mafia group capable of outsmarting lots of other people. Second, I’m INCREDIBLY well-informed thanks to my friend Matt who won’t be making any appearances in the SM onscreen.
WOLF MAN – Oookayy. 

Wolf Man stood in confusion as Mello reached for his mobile phone and attempted to make a few calls…

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Back in the same underground area where Kenji and Hisao fought off the fierce truck monster, Invidia and Princess Kraehe (bloody impossible to spell) were standing on the sidelines, observing a good amount of productivity going on with the importation of food and all coming from various trucks that came in and out of the port…there were also a lot of heavily-armed security guards for some reason…

PRINCESS KRAEHE – You do realize I left the Feminists’ Organisation after that good-for-nothing Ayano took it over and turned it into a playground for children, do you not?
INVIDIA – Except things are different this time, Kraehe. Are you familiar with the mafia organisation run by Mello overseas?
PRINCESS KRAEHE – And what of it?
INVIDIA – They proposed a plan to help us get rid of Ayano for good by having her be taken as their hostage; following along with their plan will prevent us from gardening any suspicion from the other members of the Feminists’ Organisation who do actually support Ayano, as well as give us both Leadership in the organisation as its most prominent members and make our relationship with Mello’s mafia all the better for future projects. Also, if the mafia would ever try to betray us we can simply use the fact that they took Ayano hostage in the first place as a way to fire up her supporters into attacking their organisation, which would start a war and get rid of her supporters for us at the same time.
PRINCESS KRAEHE – Your plan does have some promise to it, I’ll give you that much.
INVIDIA – You don’t need to know all the details just yet, but for now all you need to do is get rid of all the guards around this area and secure a truck to corrupt with your Raven Blood; I’ll take it from there afterwards.
PRINCESS KRAEHE – I’ll do just that, but the moment I see this exercise as a waste of time I’ll take my leave.
INVIDIA – You may do just that if you wish, but I assure you, this’ll be the best investment of your time since Ayano took over the Feminists’ Organisation… 

Doing her best to assure Kraehe to her side, Invidia finished off by teleporting out of the area and leaving her dark comrade to pull off what she needed to do…

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Verse 2.1 Begin

This level has you play as Princess Kraehe, and is actually a bit more serious in tone compared to the previous ones and makes them look like a complete joke. The only enemies on this stage are heavily armed guards who are surprisingly difficult to take out what with their amour and machine guns, though Kraehe does have some advantages to make the level easier: for one, she can use her Up Special to create obscuring smoke that makes it impossible for the enemies to see or detect her, and will cause them to stumble around in confusion; while it does indeed take while to create the smoke, it actually lasts forever in this level, or at least until Kraehe goes to another area and has to make another. It’s always a good idea to make some smoke before advancing forward so you can catch your enemies off-guard, though the enemies can end up coming at you at different angles to the point where you can’t always rely on it. As for her other Specials, Kraehe can use her tacky raven feathers to make the guards bleed and actually create a massive pool of blood to have them all swim and drown in if there’s enough space between obligatorily obstacle boxes in the level, but otherwise the blood is obviously a trap you can manipulate with your Raven Blood…which you can use to corrupt soliders and convert them to your side for 10 seconds before they automatically die if you made them bleed. Kraehe can also use her Grab to automatically kill a guard if he’s alone due to he wanting some sexy action in his life, though if there are other guards they’ll be able to save him from his un-virgin doom (you can also make Raven Knights to distract a guard, with one or two generally being enough to kill one enemy). To put simply, this level requires a lot of planning and trickery to progress through, with you needing to find a truck at the end of the level and corrupt it with your Raven Blood to enchant it, which ultimately explains why it turns evil and what not in the end of Chaptre 1. That is all really. Oh, and while you only have about 3 stock to complete this level with and a character who’s not all that amazing in close combat I guess, Invidia does appear to you every 20 seconds or so for 5 seconds in order to assist you, where she’s invincible and can help you out if you’re in trouble; sometimes she’ll even guide you around the stage like a lost child!

Verse 2.1 End

Having recently corrupted the truck, Kraehe and Invidia had resorted to hiding and keeping an eye on Kenji, Hisao and Ayano as they made their way towards the corrupted truck that apparently contained their Fruit Brute cereal…

INVIDIA – I took the liberty of telling that boneless mass QWOP information to trick Ayano with so she would come here with those two men. And now…. – As Invidia finished her words, the truck had just swallowed Ayano and turned into a monster!
PRINCESS KRAEHE – Your plan seems to have worked…providing Ayano really is taken to the mafia afterwards we’ll be able to take control of the Feminists’ Organisation right away. In that case, working together with you was truly worth my time.
INVIDIA – Now, let us return to our club room so we can prepare to the attack the lone Kenji when he’s off-guard and drinking whiskey all by himself! – Invidia then teleported herself and Kraehe away from the area as Kenji and Hisao had recently defeated Yatteryaru Death.

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We cut to Kenji, who is currently consuming a good deal of whiskey and pretzels all on his own in his room, as it to stave off a kind of depression. What he didn’t expect however was for Invidia and Princess Kraehe to suddenly appear in his room…except he was legally blind so he unfortunately couldn’t tell on his own until he heard their voices…

INVIDIA – Kenji…the mortal enemy of the Feminists’, the only thing standing between our goal of World Domination…it is time for you to die.
KENJI – BITCHES AND WHORES!! – as soon as he heard the voices, Kenji got up on his feet in an instant and attempted to point at where he thought their voices were coming from…his crude words were apparently a secret code of some sorts, as the moment he spoke them concealed machine guns suddenly popped out from all areas of the room and aimed themselves at the two women! They weren’t worried however…not even one bit.
INVIDIA – I knew you’d try and pull off a trick like this…which is why I brought the little Princess here with me. Now watch. (oh wait, you can’t!!)  – After speaking those words, Kraehe intercepted each and every last high-tech weapon with her Raven Blood, which caused them to be corrupted with a misty black and aim themselves towards Kenji!
KENJI – HOLY SHIT! – Surprisingly enough, Kenji managed to dance around the bullets that were fired from his own weapons, albeit in a rather crazy manner you’d expect from him. His dexterity was high!
INVIDIA – While we could just have your own weapons finish you off for good here and now, I’d rather kill you myself…

Invidia slowly advanced towards Kenji, who knew of the danger and decided that he had no choice but to use THAT weapon; he frantically dug his hand into a drawer that was conveniently located behind him before eventually picking up a….Pokeball!?

KENJI – Go, Buizel! – Kenji tossed the Pokeball at Invidia, which inflicted some good damage and knockback on her before revealing said Pokemon Buizel, who made that annoying-ass noise you may or may not have heard it say in the English Dub of the Pokemon anime. *shivers*
INVIDIA – You gonna try and beat us with a shitty little Pokemon like that? What are you, 3 years old?
KENJI – That’s where you’re wrong! You see, this Buizel is in fact very manly, and acts as a substitute for my bro Hisao; when I high-five him, this happens…

Kenji suddenly did just that with his Buizel, and suddenly they were engulfed in a brilliant flash of light that blinded Invidia and Kraehe!

INVIDIA – I-IMPOSSIBLE! I’VE BECOME LEGALLY BLIND JUST BY BEING EXPOSED TO THAT AESTHETIC LIGHT!!
PRINCESS KRAEHE – ME TOO!
KENJI – That’s not all, bitches! While you won’t be able to see it in your sorry states, my Buizel has in fact become MANLY! HE. IS. MY. BROOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 

True to his words, Kenji’s Buizel appeared manly, but in an abominable state that made Longachu look normal! It was almost as if some hacker had taken Hisao’s “skeleton” and given it Buizel’s palette! Had the two bitches truly seen this, they would’ve probably been blinded by it anyway.

KENJI – You ready to slam jam!? 

Kenji and “Hisao” pointed towards the two bitches with supreme confidence they didn’t have before…it was ON!

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Verse 2.2 Begin

This match is simple in that you each have One Stock as you play as Kenji and “Hisao”, who is obviously Kenji’s Buizel! He does everything Hisao does surprisingly however, but if he tries to summon Hisao’s bitches and whores he will instead summon another Buizel that has Buizel’s moveset for 10 seconds! Oh, and you’re fighting both Princess Kraehe and Invidia by the way, but they’ve both become legally blind in the exact same manner Kenji is, which can be quite convenient for you. Also, Kenji has a number of manly items sprawling on the floor, and he can initiate a manly picnic to inflict some manly knockback on his two bitching enemies. This is actually quite easier than you’d think it’d be.

Verse 2.2 End

Invidia and Kraehe were both shocked at their defeat as they laid slammed at a wall, and Kenji’s machine gun traps de-corrupted due to Brawl laws. They were not to die however, as instead they teleported away in retreat, though they were still legally blind! Afterwards, Buizel transformed back to normal and got back into it’s Pokeball before Kenji went back to drinking whiskey without saying a word, because that would be rather annoying to type up.

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Back at the mafia’s base, Mello and Wolf Man were pondering over what to do with their little orange-haired hostage Ayano, who was gently laid besides the many boxes of Fruit Brute cereal they had collected at the same time whilst unconscious.

MELLO – Now we have the Fruit Brute cereal necessary to lure out said mascot and destroy him…we also have a little girl who apparently goes by the name of Ayano Minegishi, and WAS the leader of the Feminists’ Organisation not long ago; they wanted her to be rid because she was apparently TOO feminine. We don’t have any use for her however since she doesn’t seem to be able to fight.
WOLF MAN – Though she does carry around a LOT of Green Tea….we could get her to work for us and make endless supplies of it for extra profit.
MELLO – Not a bad idea Wolf Man; it’s inconceivable that such a feminine female WOULDN’T have been the one responsible for making these in the first place. Plus, we can also treat her like a housewife since this is America and all and she’s feminine. 

While the two were talking, Ayano did eventually come to conscious like a princess who’s slept for thousands of years…it was almost adorable, though she WAS a Lucky Star character!

AYANO – Huh? W-Where am I? – Cliche stuff, but it expressed her feelings and grogginess all too well as she rubbed one of her eyes in weariness.
MELLO – You’re in safe hands, little lady. – He lied. Kinda.
AYANO – Really? Last thing I remember was…that’s right! The back of that truck suddenly slammed shut behind me, and I was in total darkness for a moment before losing consciousness…though I can’t help but think that someone was calling my name before then…
MELLO – I’m sure you’ve been through a lot, but thankfully we managed to save you from your fate and brought you here – Mello had to be careful what he said to Ayano if he wanted to sway her to his side since he wasn’t 100% sure what had transpired during Invidia and Kraehe’s sabotaging or what the feminine female had actually been through or knew.
AYANO – Thank you very much…I was so scared back then…
MELLO – You were trying to collect these boxes of Fruit Brute, correct? – Mello pointed behind where Ayano was, which made her turn around and realize that all those boxes were indeed behind her!
AYANO – You managed to collect them all? T-then that must make you…the police! – The girl’s case of ditziness more or less shocked Mello, but he knew he could easily turn this to his advantage now that he knew Ayano didn’t think he was suspicious at all…
MELLO – That’s right! We’d been working on capturing the culprit behind the theft of the Fruit Brute cereal; he would often kidnap girls like you and make them work in factories where they had to slave away for the whole day without any pay or proper nutrition…when we raided their factory most of them were dead!
AYANO – That’s horrible! I’m so glad you managed to save me before that happened! – Mello almost felt like laughing at the girl’s mis-interpretation of the situation and his rather obvious lie, but he had to keep a calm posture as to not make himself seem suspicious to her.
MELLO – We’re currently trying to apprehend the other members of the organisation, so I’m sorry to say but we can’t quite let you go back home until we’ve managed to arrest them all; it’s for your own protection since they may want to try and silence you since you know their secret. – Mello lied even more. He was starting to like doing this…a lot.
AYANO – So I’m supposed to live here for a few days until you arrest all the other criminals?
MELLO – Correct. But don’t worry, we’ll take good care of you with our shelter and professional guards who will protect you with their lives.
AYANO – You’re too kind… – With those final words, Mello couldn’t help but turn around and grin a rather evil grin at Wolf Man…oh, how much fun lying to a child’s face was!
MELLO – (I’m da man!)

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Meanwhile, Invidia and Kraehe had just retreated into the darkness of a building that was too dark to see the insides of, especially after they had just gotten pwned by Kenji’s overwhelming manliness.

INVIDIA – FUCK! I didn’t think that asshole had THIS kind of ace-up-his-sleeve! Now I’m blind forever!
PRINCESS KRAEHE – I’ll never trust you again…consider our friendship over.
INVIDIA – No dammit! We can still fight back! We have…
PRINCESS KRAEHE – Have what? Invidia, we’re not feminine or cute like Ayano; nobody would sympathize with us, especially after all the people we’ve killed. She only got into Yamaku High in the first place due to suffering from the disability of not being able to grab things or KO people…a horrifying disability indeed; it can only bring well-deserved despair upon that damned bitch whose probably dead by now. We might as well be, too…

??? – Or do you?

A rather annoying voice that sounded like a little boy’s suddenly echoed across the room; although the two bitches could not see, they could still hear the voice, and sense a faint presence that had the strange effect of dominating the entire room…

??? – Your blindness, and willingness to conquer could be returned to you, as well as much more if you were to make a contract with me…

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Responses

  1. You should put House and Burgermeister in.


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