Posted by: masterwarlord | June 8, 2012

MW mockingly stereotypes everyone – Phoenix Wright


Phoenix Wright was a rookie defense attorney when he started out, and was mocked by all the prosecutors throughout Los Angeles, most directly Manfred Von Karma. Some of his early wins were by flukes, and Phoenix even was accused with a murder charge from Redd White, causing some general suspicion in Phoenix’s direction. Von Karma’s criticism actually drove Phoenix to improve, though – Phoenix began winning case after case, pulling massive comebacks, managing to win the respect of Von Karma, though many other prosecutors were still in denial over this, and many grew to loathe him. What few losses Phoenix has are often massively blown out of proportion, and many challenge him with the sole intention of adding to the loss tally on his record. While a good natured person, Phoenix is one to act without thinking, regularly offending people – he’s less formal than the prosecutors with no idea how to be politically correct. Because of this, he sometimes has to resort to silence, rarely being seen in the law world when not doing a case.


Maya’s strange clothing and behavior means she rarely strays from beside Phoenix Wright, or far from his Law Offices. At first the cultural barrier between Maya’s Kurain upbringing and modern living meant she felt ostracised, but she eventually settled into an isolated lifestyle, surrounded by a few close friends. Despite her becoming honesty, Maya resents those who mock her unique outlook on life, resenting the Dahlias and Furio Tigres of the world who are quick to make fun of others. Her unique talent of spirit channeling means that she can successfully get the better of them without putting herself in a vulnerable position. The ability to summon the spirit of her sister, expert defense attorney Mia Fey, is particularly useful, as even in death she hates the crass nature of Dahlia and those like her as much as Maya and Phoenix do.


Mia Fey was one of the most feared defense attornies during her time. She, Godot, and Manfred were said to make up the “big 3” of the law world, and there was a void that took a long time to replace after she was gone, Godot constantly saying to Manfred  that the law system of Los Angeles was doomed without her – this is the point Godot’s optimism stopped and his dark philosophical nature began. Eventually, though, years later, Maya learned how to channel Mia, bringing about a return of sorts, though not in a particularly big way. Because she was not truly alive, she had little impact on the law system, though she of course supplied plenty of moral support to Phoenix and her sister Maya, doing whatever she could in her power to help them.


Pearl is a very naïve figure who rarely if ever knows what’s going on, having lived a very sheltered life. She typically looks up to her cousin Mia, obviously far more-so before her death, and Godot gets along with her surprisingly well. As is, Pearl just does whatever she can to help her friends, but she was destined for so much more. . .Her mother, Morgan, was setting her up to be the new elder of Kurain by setting up a plot to murder Maya, the next in line. Pearl could’ve been respected and important, but the plan failed and Morgan was captured, and now all she’s destined to be is a mere cheerleader for Godot. Perhaps more importantly, Morgan was the one who helped Pearl train her Kurain channeling technique, and without her Pearl cannot advance in it at all.

Darth Meanie

Prosecutor Edgeworth was one of two prosecutors raised by Von Karma, and while he was considered a prodigy and followed Von Karma’s ways, he was eventually set up by Gant giving him some false evidence, causing him to take a nosedive and leave Manfred’s ways of prosecuting. He is despised by the general public, and because of this he went back to prosecute in his own country. He will still show up when he is needed by his friends on very rare occasions, but he has very low tolerance for the people of Los Angeles and will leave as soon as possible. He has an extraordinarily complicated relationship with Phoenix – Edgeworth finds Phoenix generally annoying and dislikes his connection to the law, while Phoenix thinks Edgeworth will go too far too extreme of measures. Despite this disrespect towards one another, they have put themselves into the line of fire for each other numerous times. Phoenix and a select few other people want to bring Edgeworth back to prosecuting in Los Angeles, but he seems to have moved on with this phase of his life.


Detective Gumshoe is a rather whimsical fellow who doesn’t take things too seriously most of the time despite having to constantly witness murders and apprehend criminals. He’s not exactly the brightest guy around either, but when he gets going he’ll never stop, going out of his way to find the vital evidence needed. He was at his best back when Edgeworth was still around – the two of them made a nearly unstoppable team. [REMOVED DUE TO LEGAL ISSUES]


Manfred Von Karma is completely and utterly obsessed with his perfect win record, and will do anything in his power to keep it – save for quitting his job as a prosecutor, which would be an even worse end, in his eyes. He is so obsessed over his win-record that he went berserk when a mere single penalty was applied to his record, and has gone to extreme measures to prevent them in the future. He is even willing to forge evidence if it is necessary, and works very closely with Gant to ensure that the law system keeps functioning and that the true criminals go to jail no matter what. Von Karma is revered throughout the system and is pretty much what all people think of when they think of “prosecutor” – he’s largely the only person that’s been there from the beginning and stuck along for the entire ride.


Godot was an outstanding defense attorney back in his time, and with his charisma was typically more well-liked than the overly negative Von Karma among his peers. The two had a bitter rivalry, but once Mia was killed Godot lost his motivation as a lawyer and quit his position, falling into obscurity. He became overly pessimistic about the law system and realized how flawed it was, and slowly was driven insane – the results of this are provided by his many bizarre philosophical statements. While they almost always come off as insane, some of them have deep ulterior meanings. He also started to drink during this time, sometimes going through his philosophical monologues, causing him to be taken significantly less seriously. Some of his fellow lawyers, most strongly Grossberg and even to some degree Von Karma missing his old rival, felt as if the period were they were waiting for Godot’s return would go on indefinitely.  He eventually came back as a prosecutor, though this was largely a façade – he had an agenda to try to right the “flaws” he saw in the law system at absolutely any cost. . .

Smash Daddy

Damon Gant, as the leader of the police, holds an incredible amount of influence with his title alone. In addition to this, Gant has even more power via his control of the prosecution system, able to have the prosecution forge absolutely any evidence they see fit to imprison whomever Gant wishes. The most notable user of this system is Manfred Von Karma, whom Gant is a very close and long-time friend of. Gant uses this evidence to help many up and coming prosecutors further their careers, helping them win those essential first cases as well as win victories against their bitter rivals. Gant takes many fresh prosecutors under his wing to try to get them into his little circle, and his charismatic nature helps him easily accomplish this. Naturally, Gant has many people very suspicious of his activities, but they can never pin any evidence on him when he has such complete and utter control over the law. The only notable scandal that came about was Gant attempting to rig a political election to place yet another one of his puppets into power, but this happened to be one of the very few instances where the people against Gant were forging evidence rather than him, making –everybody- look bad and causing it to be largely swept under the rug. Rather than politicians, the next person Gant seems to be looking towards is Phoenix – having control over both the defense and prosecution could prove useful. . .


The third member of what has essentially become an order of power between he, Von Karma, and Gant, the judge will hand-wave almost all evidence through the court-room no matter how obvious it is that it was forged. The judge does not realize this, though, and believes he’s doing a great job – after all, he’s very old and wise, and has a massive amount of experience. However, the judge is often kept out of the loop, rarely looks over evidence, and is certainly starting to show his age as many things slip his memory – he’s somewhat unpopular with the general public, and his skill as a judge has been called into question many a time, much less when he’s been serving such an incredibly long term. Von Karma is the person who is keeping him there through indirect means, though (This was Von Karma’s attempt to seize power before Gant ever came along), and it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s a longtime friend of both Von Karma and Gant.


Lana Skye was a cop alongside Gant until an obvious murderer, Joe Darke, was captured by him. Darke escaped while in custody, though, and fought another prosecutor and was knocked unconscious. . .But he also managed to take out the other prosecutor. Ema Skye, Lana Skye’s little sister, was also in the room, and fainted from shock. Gant came in and saw all of this, and came up with a brilliant plan – he murdered the unconscious prosecutor and made it look like Ema did it, putting the “evidence” away for safekeeping. He waited for Lana to show up, at which point he offered to frame Darke for her to “help her out”. She agreed, and Darke got thrown in prison for Gant’s crime. Gant then brought out his “evidence” that Ema did it and used it as leverage against Lana, forcing her to become his puppet. Gant then proceeded to put his puppet into a position to become the head prosecutor, giving Gant yet another public figure in power under his control alongside Von Karma and the Judge. As for Lana herself, she’s always been thought to have had a very cold personality and is generally very unliked, more-so after her association with Gant.


Joe Darke was originally a fairly ordinary businessman – so ordinary that almost nobody took note of him. However, eventually he ran somebody over on accident – desperate, he killed somebody who saw him do the crime. However, another person saw him kill that person, and then yet another person saw him kill that person, and so on and on until he’d killed a good 5 people. He was eventually captured by Gant – the chief of police found Darke absolutely detestable for his crimes and everybody knew he did them, but they could not find evidence to link him to the crimes due to him having killed all the witnesses. Gant then decided to kill two birds with one stone and frame this insufferable individual for another murder, getting him the verdict almost everyone wanted.


Bruce Goodman was a cop who worked with Von Karma in the same way Lana and Gant worked together – the difference was Goodman was rather hopelessly stupid and didn’t realize what he was doing, and nobody else showed any faith in Goodman. Because of his general incompetence as a police officer, Gant absolutely loathed Goodman. Goodman eventually started working with Von Karma less and less in order to try to dig up some dirt on Gant, returning Gant’s hatred tenfold and becoming rather elusive. He eventually came dangerously close to figuring out about the incident where he framed Darke, at which point Gant had to put him down – not that he minded.


Gant has been trying to get Mike Meekins to do some form of work for the longest amount of time, attempting to reach out to him, but to no avail. Meekins is hopelessly stupid, and the best he can do is mindless paperwork and provide some unwanted company around the police station. It’s been so long since Meekins has gone out on an actual job that not even he can remember when it last was, and it’s gotten to the point where he’s working for the police station for free, living off of coffee from the machine. Of course, Meekins never complains, much less thinks about looking into another job, he’s far too stupid for that. To be fair, it’s not all his fault – as a child he was regularly sent off to an “autism camp”.


Gant tried to take Marshall under his wing, and it was largely because of him that he got as far up the corporate ladder as he did. Despite this, Marshall suddenly turned on Gant for no discernible reason, infuriating Gant. Marshall was a rather annoying person to have around at the police station due to his obnoxious cowboy persona – it had gotten to the point where he actually thought he –was- a cowboy and brought in a bunch of western themed objects into his office, and it was all he’d talk about. Regardless, he thought highly of himself and thought that Joe Darke’s trial was fishy. He tried to figure out just what had happened, and in response Gant demoted him to his original, lower, position that he was in before he helped him. Now very bitter about this, Marshall refused to do any work in the office, becoming almost as much of a leech as Meekins, but doing just enough to prevent himself from getting fired. In any case, unlike Meekins, he wasn’t doing just nothing – he was trying to find dirt on Gant to connect him to Darke’s case. . .


Angel Star was yet another police officer – she worked very closely with Marshall – too closely. They were going out. Little did Marshall realize, Angel slept around, and when Marshall realized he was furious with Angel. Angel was also involved in the investigation of the Darke case, which resulted in her getting completely fired from the police by Gant due to how low her initial position was. She avoided the station entirely after this, sleeping around in order to try to get information on what really happened in the murder from her many boyfriends. The real reason Marshall is looking to figure out the truth in this case isn’t because of Gant, it’s because he wants to find it before Angel does largely out of pride.


Redd White considers himself absolutely “Fantabulistic”, using said word and others to “show off”. His massive vocabulary largely contains many words which are rarely used for the sole purpose of ensuring that as few people understand him as possible, making him appear more intelligent. White likes to surround himself with women and likes expensive jewelry, and with all his money he’s pretty much set up for life. White has dirt on tons upon tons of people, largely through his countless connections he’s gained from his seat of power, though rarely actually uses it unless it’s advantageous to him, in which case he will start blackmailing. Perhaps his most notable case of blackmailing was an attempt to forge evidence that Gant rigged an election against him when he ran for mayor, which he then sent to Godot to prosecute – White’s never one to put himself in the line of fire, you see. Redd White did win the campaign for mayor regardless, as the votes were already in when the scandal came out, and as mayor absolutely refused to read any bills that came his way.


April May sleeps around with just about everyone, and is generally well liked because of it – almost nobody gets left out, not even Von Karma, though the most common people she sleeps with, her “sugar daddies”, so to speak, are Matt Engarde and Redd White. While she spends more time with Engarde, she gets particularly lovey dovey with White, being a constant tease whenever she’s around him. She is an agent who goes out to get information to feed to her two superiors, having gotten a good deal of information through Von Karma about Gant. She is surprisingly discreet about this, though – so few people realize what’s going on that she manages to retain her popularity. Gant has been offered the chance to sleep with her directly a couple times, but he constantly he depises her for her nature – this grudge has earned him the ire of many people who are “friends” with her, even Von Karma in the past.


The bellboy is seldom seen in public, though once in a blue moon he becomes the centre of attention due to the odd scandal occurring in his hotel. These are generally assumed to be the work of Redd White, the main propietor of the chain of hotels, who uses the publicity to campaign for his political ideals, giving the bellboy far more attention than he would otherwise receive. The overly frank and enthusiastic bellboy in the face of murder sends chills down the spine of everyone he encounters, except White, who considers him one of his most beneficial acolytes. The bellboy did once try his hand at being a lawyer, building up a huge case against von Karma with White’s financial backing and mass support – but the case was so flimsy that von Karma laughed it out of the courtroom in record time, and the bellboy never attempted to make one again.


Marvin Grossberg is the owner of Grossberg law offices, a massive law firm that both Mia Fey and Godot both worked at. Grossberg was particularly close to Godot before he left, meaning that when he came back Grossberg was very sympathetic towards him regardless of his change in composure, giving him far more credit than he deserves. While Grossberg can see the reasoning behind Gant and Von Karma quite well at times, even being in full agreement, his mouth is kept tightly shut by Redd White, whom has massive dirt on him. This caused Grossberg to turn into a largely neutral party and desperate to avoid anything even the slightest bit politically incorrect. There’s no doubting how big of a player Grossberg is, being the head of the biggest law firm around, but despite his massive presence, he’s pretty much always in the background. To make matters worse, he’s looking to get out of the picture entirely via retiring, thinking that his associate, Godot, may have had the right idea.

Chris Lionheart

Larry Butz is a rather annoying and incredibly talkative man who lives in his own delusional world. He is absolutely obsessed with getting laid, and has been dumped more times than even he can remember. This has caused Butz to become incredibly emo, and he is constantly seeking advice to improve his dating skills and for people to hear out all of his stories of people who have dumped him. Ever since he joined the police department, Butz has done absolutely nothing to contribute. His general nature would be annoying enough, but Butz specifically seeks out both Gant and Von Karma to try to tell them about his dating troubles, bogging them down for several hours at a time, much to their annoyance, though the quantity of people that feel sorry for him in the force makes Gant hesitant to fire him. Butz tells his story to so many people that April May felt so sorry for him that she provided Butz her “services”. . .Butz still believes May is his girlfriend, and nobody has the heart to break it to him. Eventually, Gant couldn’t take it anymore and fired him anyway, at which point Butz attempted to emphasize his “artistic” side. While nobody liked his paintings, he regularly tried to show them to people, even while still in the force, and now that he had to actually sell them for money life became significantly more complicated for him.


While Franziska Von Karma bares the Von Karma name, she’s considered somewhat of an outcast in the Von Karma family, as she was birthed from one of the many whores Von Karma’s screwed during his life time. Manfred attempted to raise her as a prosecutor anyway, but showed large amounts of bias towards her. Franziska left the family as soon as possible with strong resentment towards her father, though surprisingly became a prosecuting prodigy, actually managing to be successful, much to Manfred’s bewilderment. Once this happened, Manfred tried to associate himself with her again, but she would have none of it. To be fair, though, Franziska’s bias towards Manfred may not even be particularly strong – she’s a surprisingly hateful person and constantly carries around a whip, even taking it into court. If you say anything that even mildly upsets her, regardless of whom you are, she lets the whip do the talking. She’s intelligent enough to realize that this is rather damaging to her prosecuting career, though, and thus remains rather anti-social, not giving herself a chance to show off this aspect of her personality.


Winston Payne was originally known as the “rookie killer” – he was a feared prosecutor back when Mia was still alive and Godot was in his prime. He only took cases he knew he could win, though, and was notorious for picking on newcomer defense attorneys – he was never truly respected. Eventually, after a crushing loss, to one of the newcomers he was so notorious for stomping down no less, Payne became an absolute mockery. He rarely showed his face in public after this, largely just showing his face around the office just to contact his drinking buddy Godot.


Will Powers was at one time a huge TV star, the star of the Steel Samurai, beloved by little boys everywhere. Even Manfred secretly liked the show when he was in his teenage years, though he obviously considers it repugnant now, a memory he’d rather forget. As Will grew older, though, the show’s popularity waned, and he was a popular scape goat to pin blame on for the show’s failure. While a sequel to the series was made, Will Powers was left without a job. He was rather depressed after this and showed very little interest in acting, considering the Oscars and such he failed to win largely pointless, regularly mocking them despite striving for them in his past. Will is largely only still in the business because his fans want him to be – he’s incredibly apologetic and easily pushed into things.


Dee Vasquez was the producer of Global Studios, the studio Powers worked at. She was largely respected during her time, being credited as the reason the studio was successful, forcing people to actually get off their sorry behinds and work. She was in a relationship with Powers at one time, largely due to how submissive he was, but Powers eventually realized just how sick of a person Vasquez was and got out. This caused Vasquez to attempt to attempt to not only cancel the show and ruin Powers’ career, but to frame Powers for murder. . .


Cody Hackins is a rather annoying brat whom was rather eccentric and talkative, being the constant center of attention whenever he was around. He wasn’t particularly useful for anything, and the most people can remember about him is that he was a fanboy of many different obscure series that nobody cared about. Most notably, he was a fan of the Steel Samurai and Will Powers. He was such a huge fan that he’d regularly sneak into the studio to see Powers. While most who did this were chased out, Hackins did this so many times that Powers eventually took pity on him and let him come in freely. Powers was very benevolent and was largely in the business for the kids, so he was happy to have Hackins around, regularly posing for him and signing autographs. They eventually became actual friends, and sometimes came up with ideas for new episodes of the Steel Samurai together – of course, Vasquez universally rejected them.


Oldbag has been around for an incredibly long time. In her younger years, she was a court bailiff. She saw very few people of note during that time due to them not even being born yet, but she did see Von Karma in his youth as a fresh lawyer. . .And she saw many embarrassing mistakes of his, to say the least. When she came back into Von Karma’s life years later, she joined the police force, and regularly mocked Von Karma in front of other people for his early failures. Oldbag is insanely talkative, and frequently visits the rumor mill. Sometimes she generates her own rumors, and the fact she holds a massive amount of grudges doesn’t help when she does. On the opposite side of the spectrum, she idolizes some people based off how she remembers them years and years ago, regardless of how they’ve changed. Despite all this, she’s a surprisingly competent police officer. She didn’t know Gant back in the past, so he was able to influence her over to his side to some degree, whom also took her out to the shooting range. Even Gant can get annoyed with her, though, as she’s an almost impossible variable for him to control and will mouth off about anything at the most inconvenient of times.


Sal Manella is the definition of a geek, but not just that. He’s obsessed with Japanese culture, or as he calls himself, a “weeaboo”. When he starts talking, it’s almost as if he’s conversing with people in a completely different language than his own. He’s a massive pervert, and his constant sweating always makes him the creepiest guy in the room, making things rather unsettling for everyone involved. Originally serving as the co-manager of Global Studios under Spadefox, years and years later Matt Engarde came along as the star to the sequel of the Steel Samurai. Manella was the head of the company at this point, and became close friends with Engarde. Despite Engarde’s exterior, he even has a geeky side of his own, watching some of Manella’s beloved anime – Engarde can actually understand Manella’s incoherent babble.


Matt Engarde shows off a rather flamboyant personality to the outside world as a defense mechanism – it is this personality that got him April May as one of his many girlfriends. He appears very stupid to the outside world because of this personality, but he is actually deceptively cunning, thinking of himself as some sort of god on earth. He is an incredibly paranoid individual and very attention seeking, seeking to kill his competition, Juan Corrida, even when he already is beating said competition out. Corrida originally worked alongside Engarde as the sidekick in the Steel Samurai, but Corrida eventually learned of just what kind of person Engarde was and left to pursue his own career. Insistent on making him come back to his side, he monitored Corrida’s every move with hidden cameras, watching them almost day and night. Eventually, out of sheer hatred and incomprehension out of how he wouldn’t come back to his side, he hired De’Killer to assassinate him without involving himself, and brought on Godot as prosecution for the case. The important thing was that Engarde did not want to be involved in absolutely any way – he couldn’t afford to shed his harmless personality or get involved in politics, as for one it’d make him lose some of his popularity, but for two out of laziness. He’s rich and famous, why bother? During this period, Engarde was placed under house arrest out of suspicion aimed in his direction, which infuriated him with De’Killer’s inability to pin the murder on someone else. Afterwards, Engarde constantly monitored De’Killer, Manella, Adrian, and even May, very rarely letting anyone but May out of the house, fearing that either they would turn on him like Corrida and/or leak some information out to the public.


Shelly De’Killer is a feared assassin, yet an incredibly elusive one at the same time. He very rarely does jobs, but when he does, they come down incredibly hard. Perhaps what’s most notable about De’Killer is his strange loyalty to his clients, doing absolutely anything to remove any blame from them that he can. He will even put himself into harm’s way to accomplish this, as his reputation obviously doesn’t matter – he’s a well-known killer. That, and he can escape from just about anything entirely unscathed. Recently, he has started doing multiple murders for Engarde, taking residence in his home as his butler, at his beck and call to serve him his wine in-between murders. Strangely, De’Killer is very interested in politics, and what Gant and Von Karma are doing to the law system, having a strange sense of honor about him, but does absolutely nothing to participate in it, what with him being busy as a law-breaker.


In the past, Juan Corrida wasn’t known by many people in the law world, mostly just being known by Engarde’s inner circle. He didn’t particularly mind this, as he didn’t really care what people thought of him, having a very “mellow” personality. Later on, he became the Jammin’ Ninja, the star of his own television show meant for incredibly young children. What’s most tragic about Corrida was he was most well known in his death after he was murdered by Engarde. Not only did he have a very bright future ahead of him when he died, there was a massive amount of controversy over his death with fingers being pointed every which way as to just who his murderer was – Engarde didn’t particularly mind the chaos, he enjoyed it, in fact, just so long as nobody so much as glanced in his direction.


Adrian Andrews is an incredibly submissive woman. While not actively seeking out people to whore herself out to like May, she won’t exactly resist if somebody wants to do it – even Von Karma banged her at some point down the line. In any case, she stays primarily with Engarde, being his co-manager alongside Manella. She is an incredibly clingy person, and before Engarde came along Adrian really couldn’t find anybody to tie herself down to – the introduction of Engarde brought a good chunk more order to her life she desperately needed. She attempted to cling to May originally, her lesbian lover, but she was involved with too many people to the point she wasn’t reliable enough for her.

Chief Mendez

Yanni Yogi was originally a respected court-bailiff that everybody got along with. A very charismatic man whom had just got married – the only person who found him annoying at the time was Manfred Von Karma, who was frequently the butt of his jokes. Manfred attempted to set up Yogi to take up the blame for a murder while simultaneously ruining Edgeworth’s life in one of his most brilliant moments. While Yogi was eventually found innocent, Manfred wasn’t found out as the culprit, and Yogi got off via an insanity plea. Yogi had to keep up this insanity act for such a long period of time afterwards that his wife left him and killed herself, and he became generally hated by the public. This caused him to go into a depression, and he had to keep up the act so long that his “real” persona became the act while the insanity became his main personality. Nobody ever tried to contact him again until years and years later, at which point he was so insane he thought he was a porn star.


It’s almost impossible to pay attention to anyone else when Furio Tigre is in the room, as he shouts out in his obnoxious Brooklyn accent and tries to intimidate the weak minded. He is the definition of “the vocal few” personified into a single individual, and has surprisingly strong influence over the judge. While he doesn’t exactly hold too many grudges (Though he does still hold them), he’ll screw with people just for the hell of it and likes making butt monkies out of people. Whenever things don’t go his way and the mafia don comes around, he’ll typically try to change the topic at one of said butt monkies’ expense. Tigre also runs a little business called “Tender Lender” where he loans out excessive amounts of money. . .But anybody who can’t pay up when the time’s up will be the subject of his wrath, leading to very few if any people to actually make deals with this loan shark in the modern day, save perhaps Von Karma, who can actually afford it. One of his favorite butt monkies is Phoenix Wright – despite having never met him, he disguised himself as him and intentionally lost in court, going out of his way to damage Phoenix’s record. Tigre can actually come up with some pretty elaborate plans to get even with people, despite his outwardly stupid-seeming persona, though it doesn’t require much pushing to make him topple over and ruin said plans.


The food at Trés Bien was once said to be the best served in Los Angeles by many, but as times changed rapidly, Jean Armstrong did not, and the city folk have grown to almost unanimously consider the restaurant one of the most revolting. Armstrong, stubborn as a mule, went into denial over this, at the cost of his business’ success, to the point that he started leeching money off of Furio Tigre. In return, Tigre has Armstrong on a leash, and the latter will do anything he says. The chef still has friends from the good old days, but even they politely refuse to eat his food, and many have tried to help him cook an edible recipe, but find he is too entrenched in his outdated values to learn anything new. Every once in a while Armstrong encourages a storm of excitement as he claims he’s making a “comeback” and is about to brew up a new menu, only for these plans to fall through and his tiny remaining fan base to dwindle ever further.


Victor Kudo misses how things were back in good old Japan. Back in his day, they had actual good high paying jobs for sensible things like knitting and basket making. Nowadays, you need some knowledge of that useless high-tech garbage to get anything done, or else you’ll end up flipping burgers! Kudo is largely considered a leech in his family for not being able to get with the times and contribute, and they’ve tried to shove him into an old person’s home more times than he can count. Whenever he does leave the house, he always goes over to Redd White’s place for “work”, though he mysteriously doesn’t come back with any pay. Why does he go, then? To stare at April May’s cleavage.


Glenn Elg is somebody that almost nothing is known about – he’s not particularly close to anybody, and he has above average intelligence as a computer programmer. After his death, the main reason anybody remembers him is just for the virus that he made – MC Scarmiglione. His other programs were rather mediocre, largely making him a one trick pony. Eventually, he was murdered by Furio Tigre after a deal gone bad.


Dahlia Hawthorne appears to be harmless, and can easily be brushed aside by those who aren’t paying attention. Many people consider her a friend of theirs, to the point you will get vilified for daring to attack her. While she retains light friendships with but a handful of people for the sake of her reputation, though, she’ll go into. . .Deeper, more meaningful relationships with a select few. Then, when they least suspect it, she’ll throw them under the bus and use them as part of some plot of hers. Why does she do it? It would seem she does it for money in most cases, but she’s already filthy rich. Why would she care about money? No. . .Dahlia doesn’t have a reason. She does it for her own sadistic pleasure.


Terry Fawles was somebody that almost everybody hated – he was a convicted murderer, and aside from that his assaults were typically on young defenseless women. Considering how overwhelmingly stupid and easy to mock he was, he was incapable of saying anything in his defense, only making matters worse whenever he opened his dumb mouth – even in the rare instance he wasn’t responsible for the crimes he was accused of. To truly understand how gullible Fawles is, his death is the best example. Dahlia had seduced him into doing absolutely whatever she said. He had incriminating evidence that could pin a murder on her instead of himself, but out of sheer loyalty to Dahlia committed suicide. Fawles didn’t even realize he was doing this to save Dahlia from taking the murder charge – he killed himself entirely because Dahlia told him to, and for no other reason.


Luke Atmey is a man whom had rare moments of genius, but considered the things he could use his genius for a waste of time. Instead, he sought ulterior ways to make use of it – practical things like police work were far too practical, so he became a private detective. Atmey is one for the abstract, a guy who does it for the art, even if he’s the only one who appreciates it. If there’s obvious evidence to prove his case, he will specifically not use it unless absolutely forced to, instead going into overkill by trying to prove his targets guilty in the most abstract and indirect ways. Eventually, he accidentally did enough things beneficial for mankind that he got hired onto the police force by Gant anyway, being heralded as an ace detective. Von Karma and Godot have both seen Atmey many times in the past before he was so beloved, though, and are rather disturbed he’s suddenly getting so much praise – most of it comes from people who are unaware of his former unorthodox methods.


Ron Delite likes to role play as the infamous thief Mask De’Masque solely for the fun of it – the thievery is largely just a bonus. He’s so obsessed with the role that he gives it out to whoever he feels like. Ron is incredibly bipolar, and is easily influenced one way or another at the drop of a hat with seemingly contradictory opinions. Does this have to do with his bizarre role playing? Who knows. What –is- known is that Ron is a massive fan of Luke Atmey’s work, and went along with a plan to get himself framed for some of Atmey’s crimes (Detective work alone is not extravagant enough for the great Luke Atmey) in the background due to his sheer gullibility.


Moe has been around the circus for a decently long amount of time, and ever since he showed up he’s been a constant presence. He’s very observant of everything that goes on, and as such has some degree of dirt on just about everyone. Regardless, people disregard him because he’s considered “that stupid clown” who tells lots of unfunny jokes, thus allowing him to collect even more information. That said, Moe is not a hateful person, and will very rarely if ever actually use this information against anyone. Just be very careful if you plan to piss him off. . .Despite his usually jokish nature, he also has a very serious side, and will show it to people if they can get him to open up.


Ben, the puppeteer, was originally a talkative man who would babble on incoherently about his favorite topics if given the chance. Eventually, though, he became a ventriloquist and joined the circus, at which point he constructed his puppet, Trilo, whom was his exclusive vehicle to communicate through – Ben would nary say a word without Trilo around. Trilo, on the other hand, is incredibly talkative, annoying, will never shut up, and, despite being a puppet, makes sexual advances on those around him. Needless to say, the pair are considered incredibly creepy and typically avoided, and have become a rare sight in modern days.


The Ringmaster was remembered very fondly after his death. He knew exactly how to run the circus, and was very kind to and thus beloved by those around him. The main catch is that his circus was starting to get outdated in his later years, and his death indirectly saved the circus as the new ringmaster, Moe, hired on the much-needed famous magician Max Galacta. Nobody holds this against the Ringmaster, though, as he was simply a product of his time. That said, he was a bit. . .Odd, to say the least, attempting to force his 16 year old daughter into an early marriage with Trilo.


Richard Wellington was one of the most amateurish of criminals, Von Karma easily able to put him away without a second thought. Despite this, he thought incredibly highly of himself, and insisted that other people simply could not understand his “vision”. He is incredibly snobby about this, and will go on about this without cease given the chance. He committed his various robberies despite already being stupidly rich, further making one question Wellington’s sanity. When he was finally released from prison, he went out of his way to leave the area and joined a new gang of hitmen, collecting over 20 of their phone numbers, wanting to find a place he could be respected. . .By finding people even stupider than he was.


Director Hotti is a very odd and eccentric individual, whom isn’t terribly close to anyone. While people who don’t know him may just label him as anti-social, he’s rather a creepy fellow if you get to know him. He takes in countless patients and claims to be the director of the entire hospital, but in actuality he’s a miserable doctor, doing very little to help his patients, and is just looking to oogle the female ones. He considers his job some sort of insane game, attempting to pair attractive females up in the same room and see what happens. Perhaps the most bizarre thing is, at least to males, Hotti is completely and utterly open about what he’s doing. Not only that, he –brags- about it.



  1. “she’s an almost impossible variable for him to control and will mouth off about anything at the most inconvenient of times”

    Inconvenient for who, MW (smirk)?

  2. Chat presence ahoy

  3. Hilarious

  4. “She’s a surprisingly hateful person and constantly carries around a whip, even taking it into court. If you say anything that even mildly upsets her, regardless of whom you are, she lets the whip do the talking.”

    …I honestly don’t know where this came from. No, don’t answer that.

  5. This was a pretty amusin’ read, Warlord! I particularly liked FA/Dave’s(Perfect combo), Rool’s, Kat’s, DFM’s, Khold’s and, unsurprisingly, my own.

  6. huh, i didn’t know I had a serious side (HIPPO)

    Oh wait

    I only HAVE good sides

  7. Very amusing article that also feels disturbingly accurate.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: