Posted by: katapultarr | August 12, 2012

MYM13 Story Recap – Part 1

BubbleMan.EXE had just been forced out of a time portal and into a barren wasteland where dark clouds covered the sky. It was the year 2320, an era of civilization in which the apocalypse would come in a few years, and the darkened skies were only a foreshadowing of worse to come. To be honest though, Bubbleman didn’t want to be sent on this mission by Dr. Nick – he was the kind of Navi who preferred to chillax in his hometown while shooting missile-filled bubbles that floated up to the sky. Some of his friends thought he was tacky for it, but most liked him for it despite his cowardly nature – he even got 29th place in the 6th Annual Best Navi Tournament once.

The first thing Bubbleman did upon seeing what was around him was actually look around for some clues – he knew what to expect and wanted to get out as quickly as possible, after all. After a bit of searching, he found two rap robots Sawtooth and Squarewave up on an ancient-looking stage in the middle of nowhere presumably, uhhh…rap battling with each other.

“Those two aren’t any navis I’ve seen before…” Bubbleman thought to himself, watching them while hiding behind a rock. The two robots looked menacing, but Bubbleman being a robot and all thought he’d get along pretty well with them. Not to mention he would need all the help he could get. He jumped out from behind the rock to approach the two rapping robots, but was quickly discovered no thanks to how much he stood out.

“Have some Faygo, yo!” Sawtooth pointed in a questionably characteristic manner, commanding his little buddy Squarewave to toss a can of Faygo to Bubbleman…it was impossible for him to tell whether the act was a greeting or an actual attack on him, but once the can burst open the answer was as clear as the inside of his bubbles. His circuits began going out of control, an agony akin to a human having a seizure or a heart attack.

“ARRRRRRRGH!!!” Bubbleman screamed in pain as he remained shield-broken for a good 3 seconds. The rapping robots’ body language appeared as if they had made a huge mistake, and tried to mend it with words.

“Sorry man, forgot that stuff does robot people in.”

“IT’S NOT OKAY! YOU ALMOST KILLED ME WITH THAT STUFF, AND I HAVE AN AFFINITY FOR WATER ARRRGH!” Bubbleman did not take kindly to being splashed with Faygo, and took out his rocket launcher in order to DESTROY these two incompetent robots; perhaps the apocalypse was in fact brought out by sheer stupidity, and by ridding the world of such people it wouldn’t happen. None the less, Bubbleman was angry and out for robot blood. Sawtooth and Squarewave were intelligent enough to realize this, and got into their own fighting stance…

The events from before had been witnessed by Athena via using a giant crystal ball, clearly showing contempt for the lifeless beings’ squabble. She was residing in an open area that looked like Mount Olympus, where the skies were clear as day as opposed to the previous scenery, living the perfect life as a goddess. Before she could see the results of the mechanical battle to the death however, she caught sight of a mysterious figure in white pajamas flying towards her residence at the speed of sound. The goddess didn’t seem fazed, moreso annoyed at this figure whom she clearly knows from ages gone past….he took off his white hoodie and revealed himself as Junahu!

“Howdy hoes!” he greeted the goddess in his usual greeting. “I’m Junahu (clearly), and I have the pleasure of announcing New “MYminis” here! MYminis are like, little contests within a contest….” the man continued babbling on confidently, annoying Athena enough so to make her want to kill him on the spot. It didn’t take long for him to leave however, and she realized he would just go and babble to other people and slow them down to further her own plans.

With that out of the way, Athena called her servant, Cold EnchanterThe man of ice appeared before her in a flash of ice, bowed to her ready for any mission. Before she could tell him what his next mission was however, the two suddenly heard an imposing voice echo across the room…

“SHINING… BROWSER…. CRASHER” It took a full 1.5 seconds for those words to be uttered, which was probably an inaccurate measurement of time given the pause between each word, but nothing could be done: the entire room suddenly flashes, and both Athena and Cold Enchanter felt as if they’d lost something!

“What’s this!? I can’t seem to teleport!”

“And I can’t place Ice Counters on people!”

It didn’t take too long for the two to realize that they’d both lost one of their Specials. Their pondering didn’t help either, as the mysterious being just started the sequence again…

“SHINING… BROWSER… CRASHER” – another flash, and another Special lost.

“Destroy the intruder at once!” Athena ordered. Cold Enchanter immediately realized he was on thin ice here, but it wouldn’t take long for someone of his skill level to track the offender, especially when it was obvious where their voice was coming from. He made some ice to surf on, and quickly found the intruder hiding behind a rock nearby: it was none other than the infamous FlashMan.EXEThe navi looked panicked that he was suddenly found out, giving Cold Enchanter enough time to dish out some punishment.

“You really can’t do anything outside disable our Specials, can you? Once you’re found there’s nothing you -can- do other than light up your own death…” The Enchanter coldly pointed out before the ground beneath Flashman turned cold, and that’s when things whited out for the unfortunate soul…

—-

Garble and his gang of gangster dragons had just sneaked into a certain castle by flying through the window. They had clearly come ready for a certain task, and that task was to break into a vault full of treasures and steal all the gems…they were delicious to their kind. Garble led the way, using his fiery breath to burn down a wall that was blocking their path. On the other side was a bubblegum-haired female dressed in a labcoat doing scientific experiments, none other than Princess Bubblegum… and she looked restless.

“INTRUDERS!” She yelled.

“Don’t mind us, we’re just breaking into the castle to loot all the gems!” Garble boldly declared. Not that he would want to hide anything being a dragon and all, but at the same time he obviously didn’t know this scientist was the princess.

“SEIZE THEM!” Bubblegum pointed at the dragons while looking behind her, as if expecting a guard or two to show up…until she realized they were all on strike from that last terrible incident she caused. Garble laughed mockingly at the scientist and put her in a head-lock just like what he does with people he grabs.

“If you don’t want ya precious lab smoking up in flames you might wanna tell us where you keep all the goods.” Garble threatened.

“I DON’T THINK SO.” All of a sudden, a booming voice came out of nowhere as another wall was broken down, revealing two evil robots Soundwave Superior and his servant BeastMan.EXE. Soundwave pointed at Garble, ordering Beastman to jump at him in a feral rage, knocking him back a little and pushing Bubblegum to the floor.

“What’re you supposed to be, Robot Price!?” Garble asked angrily.

“FAR FROM. I AM HERE FOR MY MASTER, AND YOU PRINCESS, HAVE SOMETHING WE WANT.” Soundwave said menacingly. He then fired out some soundwaves across the room, forcing Bubblegum and the dragons to cover their ears (for 5 seconds!) as nearly every beaker in the room broke and splashed an untold amount of liquid across the room. That was apparently apart of Soundwave’s plan, as the moment Bubblegum, the dragon gang and Beastman were soaked they suddenly shrunk to the size of toys! Soundwave just happened to be out of the range of said liquid, and laughed evily while waiting for it to subside – he wasn’t named a cunning tactician for nothing. Afterwards, the unshrunken evil robot grabbed hold of all the other helpless characters and flew off to another part of the earth with them for some dastardly reason.

We cut to the front lawn of some guy’s house among a generic suburb (take a good guess…). Inside said house, the great and evil Larfleeze was shrunk to the size of a toy and in stasis, stuck inside a plastic container as if he was some DC Comic collector’s whore toy worth thousands on Ebay…and now you know why the world isn’t being threatened by him. He used to be really powerful, but then some amazing hero person came and defeated him.

We see Soundwave flying above said house with all the shrunk characters inside a jar (minus Beastman for obvious reasons), which he dropped through the chimney and into the house where it broke…on the head of The Thief! Aside from nearly killing him, some leftover shrinking liquid that was inside said jar happened to inconveniently rub off on him…the next thing he knew he was standing next to a whole bunch of weird cartoon characters and it seemed that the couch they were all standing on was now far bigger than them.

“How did everything suddenly get so big? Seems this place is more dangerous than I expected…” The Thief had come to this house expecting an easy mission involving the theft of some rare toys, and it was -supposed- to be unguarded minus the dog which he managed to evade.

“Who the heck are you and where did you come from?” Garble bluntly pointed out, because nobody else would.

“I should be asking the same of you.”

“We were shrunk down by my potions and thrown in here by a Transformer robot.” Bubblegum explained like some insane fool.

“YOUR potions?”

“Yes, but it was all in the name of SCIENCE!”

“And now I’ve been dragged in this mess with the lot of you. Wrong place, wrong time everyone.” Before Bubblegum or Garble could ask what the hell that meant, they heard scary footsteps come closer and closer…it’d seem that the shattering of the jar wrought his attention. In time, the man showed himself: Ashens.

“How’d these get here? I’m sure I incinerated the last of those terrible toys…” The British man reached out for the 3 tiny tots, only for Garble to roast the tip of his finger with some good old dragonfire.

“Hands off!” the dragon yelled, not fazed by the fact that the man was many feet taller than he was.

“I tried to warn you. That’s Ashens, a Youtube goer who reviews terrible toys and incinerates them. And now he considers us terrible toys based on how small we are.” Thief explained.

“That punk better not lay his dirty hands on me or else he’ll be the one tasting incineration!” Garble boasted with more of his endless bravado.

“Be careful. The more you provoke or injure him the more convinced he’ll be that you’re a terrible toy.”

“That totally makes sense…” Bubblegum added. No one had any more time to waste chatting, as Ashens reached out to grab one of the three who -looked- the most terrible: Bubblegum! She obviously couldn’t do anything to escape given her terrible stats and need for a tether recovery, and kinda screamed for help kinda didn’t to not look like a wuss.

“A toy that coats your hand in bubblegum when you pick it up? It’s like they -don’t- want you to pick it up in the first place!” One of Ashens’ hands was rendered unusable due to the sheer volume of bubblegum on Bubblegum’s hair. This was a great opportunity for the other two to get some damage in…were they actually inclined to work together as a team.

“You made a lava pit in the hole of a couch. The HOLE OF A COUCH. How the flying fuck does that even work?” Thief complained as Garble looked pretty proud of the progress his fat friend was making.

“He kinda breaks the ground beneath him to make the lava because, you know, there’s lava in the ground deep beneath the earth. But I see where you’re getting at…” Garble too started to question why lava was oozing out of Ashens’ precious couch. He’d better sue those couch designers for all they’re worth after this.

Ashens attempted to do the most logical thing anyone would do after having their hand soaked in bubblegum: wash it off at the sink. He couldn’t get there in time however, as Garble just sent his flying dragon friend to bomb that arm and rescue Bubblegum, who conveniently flew back onto the couch along with the other two.

“Hope that gum sticks, sucker!” Turns out rescuing Bubblegum was not Garble’s intention with that attack. Ashens’ anger only grew at the prospect of toys that talked back to their owners, deciding that he needed to finish this review off once and for all…with a knife? Where the hell did that come from!? Ashens looked puzzled at this prospect, and the sudden tap he felt on his shoulder didn’t help either. He turned around, and much to his shock some hobo guy was standing right behind him with a stern look…Mike Dawson.

“Did you murder Rita?” He asked bluntly.

“Shouldn’t you be the one explaining yourself? Breaking and entering like that?” Ashens asked. It was his house, after all.

“I’m the one asking the questions here. Did you murder Rita?”

“Who the hell’s Rita? Sounds like a Japanese name.”

The 3 tiny characters realized this argument would go on forever. They decided to use this time to escape through to another room, where Bubblegum came to a stupidly obvious revelation…

“Guys, I have a growth potion on me that can turn us back to normal.”

“You do!? Then why the heck didn’t ya use it before then!?” Garble asked angrily.

“Could have saved us a lot of trouble. Using it now would save us the trouble of facing later, unnecessary risks.” After Thief’s words, Bubblegum took out a large ward of the potion…and sprayed it on herself only. She grew back to normal, but left the other two still tiny!

“Hey, what’s the big deal!?” Garble complained, but Bubblegum could barely hear his voice, if only because he was so loud.

“Hehehe! You actually think I’d help someone who tried to raid my castle? I might consider turning you back if you let me do whatever I want to do, but for now you’re gonna stay that size!” Bubblegum explained maliciously.

“What about me?” Asked Thief. He was ignored however. Bubblegum stormed out of the house on her own, presumably having some way to return to the castle on her own. Garble and Thief were left on their own, but just before there was nothing they could do the two of them saw a tiny little mouse hole they could fit in…could give them safety from the giant humans.

Both went through this hole, but what awaited them on the other side was the entrance to Bowser’s Castle! Random or what. Even more random was how the two had apparently returned to normal size upon coming here, because their size was properly proportioned to a certain purple-robed Magikoopa attempting to leave the castle: Kammy Koopa

“This Bowser’s Castle? Sweet, I’ve always wanted to rough it up one on one with that guy!” Garble exclaimed. Kammy heard this, and flew down to where the dragon and the thief were. She asked the two who they were, but they only replied with battle stances that would mark the start of an epic saga….which you’re not gonna see. Kammy got into a battle stance too, summoning a whole bunch of Magnemite from different corners of the area to attack…

We cut back to Cold Enchanter, who was sent there by Athena to retrieve a certain something that would give them both back their Specials, but the truth was he utterly detested the goddess and wanted to form a team to destroy her. That wasn’t happening right now however, as he was currently in the middle of arguing with one of his spell-casting colleagues on a vacant roadside. The colleague in question happened to be Madolche MajoleineHow did this happen? Well, the latter was flying by and crashed into the latter, damaging the ice man’s back quite a bit from the bluntness of the forked-broom. He was magical however, meaning he didn’t take as much damage as say, Old Man Geo would have (yes he was the first thing that came to mind).

“Same as ever I see. Do you ever watch where you’re driving, or do you let your so-called “magic” do all the work for you?”

“Please. I actually work hard and please others with my power, unlike you lot with your self-serving “Spell Counters”.”

“Pfft. More like kill with kindness. You all think you’re safe in that self-indulging land of yours, but one day you’ll see how truly terrifying the world is. Dark Holes, Bottomless Trap Holes, Solemn Judgements. They’re all impending terrors waiting for you to slip up.”

“Terrors your kind brings. If everyone were like us there’d be no wars or violence, and no reason to fight.”

“I’d RATHER have those things in the world than conform to your childish ways.”

“Suit yourself. Go rot in a graveyard for all I care.”

While the two were throwing random insults at each other, they failed to notice one impatient navi sitting on the sidelines waiting for them to finish. DrillMan.EXE could have used the bloody time to set-up some of his traps, which he actually did…no wonder there were so many cracks in the ground near him.

“Mark my words, one of these days a Heavy Storm will blow your precious Chateau away, and you won’t be able to shit to prepare for it. Hell, maybe a Dimension Fissure will open nearby and suck away all those candies, and that pussy Puddingcess of yours. You’ll never get them back.”

“Nobody gets away with insulting the Puddingcess! I’ll put a spell on you so bad you’ll wish you were never born!”

“Your kiddy magic is no match for my Ice Counters. Say your prayers.” Warned the Cold Enchanter as he prepared to move towards the witch…

“I DON’T THINK SO.” Drillman called out, saying the exact same line Soundwave did long ago. The two spell-casters turned their attention to the machine-type monster…uhh, navi.

“I’m DrillMan.EXE, and I have an unquenchable thirst for power. And as a result of all these things, I will conquer this fight. I would encourage the two of you to surrender. Or I will use all my energy to help you die. I’m perfect.”

“Can’t you see we’re in the middle of a fight here? Leave at once.” Cold Enchanter said coldly.

“Are, you scared?” The navi tried to induce fear into the two magicians. It seemed it wasn’t working however, as Majoleine ignored him by eating a Madeline Dessert on the spot! Drillman looked shocked for some reason.

“Don’t eat that! You will get diabetus.”

“That’s right. Someone finally pointed that obvious fact out. Thank you.” Cold Enchanter added.

“Shut up you old fart.” Majoleine didn’t care about Drillman’s opinion. This made something inside the navi snap, and I mean it made him REALLY ANGERY. An earthquake came out of nowhere, and suddenly his eyes glowed red.

“Die.” The ground beneath Majoleine and Cold Enchanter collapsed, sending them to the depths below. Wherever that was…

The two magicians were under the ocean because there was apparently some underground, and whether by a huge blessing or downright curse Aquaman happened to be swimming by! The two spell-casters weren’t in THAT much trouble given Cold Enchanter simply made an ice barrier of sorts while Majoleine had a random spell that could let her breathe underwater because she randomly had a solution for everything. That didn’t stop Aquaman from lending a helping hand however.

“You two appear to be in trouble. I guarantee you sucking on my nipples will make you feel better.” He kindly offered.

“Uhh, no thanks.” Cold Enchanter rejected in a friendly tone.

“I’m a witch. I can make myself feel better with magic.”

“Don’t be like that. I’ll grant you both one wish.”

“Can you really do that?” Cold Enchanter looked a little surprised.

“My nipples can do anything. Summon sharks, water, bring out a trident, you name it.”

“Can they destroy a god of death?” Cold Enchanter asked in mild curiosity.

“Nope.”

“Jerk.” Cold Enchanter looked disinterested and floated away. Majoleine followed him for some uncharacteristic reason.

“Why are you following me?”

“Well, I was just thinking. You know, maybe you’re right about our kind being too sheltered. We’re so used to living in luxury, no fighting, everything’s done with conventional magic. We don’t bring too much attention to ourselves, but that doesn’t mean something won’t come along and destroy us. Your opinion held great insight, and I’m sorry I wasn’t aware of it. I want to make it up to you, learn your way of life so we I can teach it to my kind.”

“Where is this coming from? I can’t believe you’d change so suddenly, if at all.” Cold Enchanter asked in disbelief.

“It’s never too late for anyone to change. You’re all alone, and I can help you…” Majoleine continued mumbling. Cold Enchanter paid no heed to it, only looked over the witch’s shoulder to see Aquaman giving him an awkwardly timed thumbs up and a wink. Did he do this to Majoleine? Cold Enchanter suddenly got the feeling he was using his nipples to mind control the witch for his sake, and that the Enchanter’s wish had in fact came true: he wanted Majoleine to be his bitch. Turns out that Aquaman’s nipples can hone in on people’s thoughts. With that in mind Cold Enchanter thought about a portal to Madolche Chateau, where he wanted to use Majoleine to convince all the other residents to rally up with him and do amazing things. He’d be invincible by spreading his Ice Counters all over the world…

And much to his excitement, a portal to the chateau did indeed open up. And it filled with water too, because that totally makes sense.

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Responses

  1. > “You two appear to be in trouble. I guarantee you sucking on my nipples will make you feel better.” He kindly offered.

    My fucking sides

  2. (h)(h)(h)(h)

  3. Please never change, Kat

  4. Awesome. People like this.

  5. Aquaman for president.


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