Posted by: katapultarr | August 19, 2012

MYM13 Story Recap – Part 2

Two of the greatest cunning villains known to the video gaming world, Ghetsis and Young Xehanort were in a dark lobby of your imagination discussing their individual evil plans. And boy, were they EVIL.

“So you’re the one Master Xehanort sent to assist my Team Plasma? He always was one to plan ahead of his time.” Ghetsis said in a praising sort of way.

“I’m only required to follow the course of destiny placed for myself in the future and nothing more. My future self will see great potential in the Pokemon of which you wish to take from the inhabitants of your world, and it’s my role to ensure that happens.” Young Xehanort said in a monotonous manner. A boring kinda guy, really.

“For years I’ve plotted my much-deserved takeover, but some random fucking child of destiny always seems to get in my way. To ensure that never happens again and we succeed in taking over all worlds, I looked into the most universally popular sport that nobody can resist: baseball. And to further ensure we win, I also brought all the timelines and parallel versions of the greatest baseball player together so people would have a familiar face they’d want to see: Randy Johnson.

“We even knew of him on Destiny Islands. He was a true champion…until I realized I was better than him with my Keyblade and awesome magical powers. He doesn’t have those.”

“True, nor does he have Pokemon or my perfect brains. But he does have skills. All the worlds are starting to converge now, and soon timeholes will open up to the biggest sporting event in all histories!”

“And I assume you have someone as equally talented to play against this pitcher.”

“Of course. Ashens.”

“And here I thought it was going to be me.” thought Young Xehanort.

At The Stadium (no, not the MYM one), Randy had the liberty of standing on an open field with a huge crowd watching him. A crowd of random CPUs. Standing on the other side of him was indeed Ashens, who had been murdered by Jack and brought back to life with one of Bubblegum’s anti-knife-killing potions. For you see, Young Xehanort had intended to visit Ashens to bring him to the big game, only to find him dead. Opposing him was Mike Dawson, who he had no trouble disposing of. He then followed Bubblegum, who obviously didn’t get very far from the house, took her back to the castle and forced her to make the potion. No, he did not kill her like you’d think I’d make him do. Bubblegum decided to join up with Xehanort anyway, because she obviously had nothing better to do with her lab all destroyed. Not that he needed her or anything, except maybe if he was hungry.

“Don’t know what the hell’s going on, but I’m game!” Ashens said, all fired up. Why, you ask? Because Young Xehanort got all his incarnations like Ansem and Xemnas, and henceforth every Heartless and Nobody in existence to subscribe to Ashens’ Youtube Channel and like all his videos. He was now a bigger hit than Bieber, and with less haters too – that’s how Ashens agreed to play for Xehanort, the man who got anything he wanted.

“Get ready for this man!” Randy called out in his powerful American voice, throwing a fast one at the prepared Ashens…or so he thought, given the incredibly suspicious-looking nature of the baseball he was holding. It was purple, a terrible novelty item designed NOT to be used in a real baseball game! And unfortunately for poor Ashens, while he did get the homerun with his amazing god YTP skills, the bat worked against him and made the ball pull a painful ricochet…to his face. The force of the perfect play was too great for his face to handle, and he was blown back with a concussion to add. He did not immediately get back up, and that’s when people started to actually worry.

“Wake up Ashens, wake up!” Randy ran up to the British body, shaking him about as if hoping that would wake him up.

“He dead! He dead!” Bubblegum somehow appeared next to him, sobbing as she held a beaker with Randy’s autograph signed…fun fact: she was secretly his biggest fan. Before anyone else could grieve, a pedestal appeared out of nowhere with Ghetsis ready to make an announcement! What diabolical things was he going to say?

“Good morning. I’m Ghetsis Harmonia, and I’d like to take a few minutes to talk to you about Ashens….he died. I’ll start off when I was first diagnosed with diabetus. I think the most important thing he said to me was: ‘Ghetsis, the more haters you get, the faster and the better you will feel.’ And ladies and gentlemen, I DO feel better.”

“Geto down at once!” Bubblegum pointed condescendingly, as if ordering the shooting of his horrible man.

“Don’t talk to me like that! I’m Ghetsis Harmonia.” Having lost ALL her patience (and energy),  Bubblegum appeared next to the pedestal and uppercutted the old fag into the sky with surprising strength, obviously due to a potion.

“People, we need to learn from this death and abolish all these crappy toys! As to not ruin Randy’s reputation, of course! But first, none of you saw ANYTHING!” Bubblegum finished off with a maniacal laughter before an entire team of candy people came out of nowhere with machine guns to massacre the entire crowd. After all, she didn’t want this to turn into a scandal to ruin Randy’s reputation…not that those people’s lives matter, ahahahaha!

“Not bad Bubblegum, not bad.” Young Xehanort appeared beside her from a corridor.

“Now for our REAL mission! We must find the factories that make those terrible toys and BURRRRRRRRN THEM!”

“And I brought just the dragon for that job.” Xehanort gestured to a corridor, and out came Garble with his dragon gang.

“Finally, out of that stinking castle! It felt like Mario Pinball Land’s Bowser Theme was gonna play in there at any moment!” (HR, you will totally get that joke)

“Too much for you, prick?” Bubblegum asked, somehow having magically found about Garble’s venture into the castle. Probably from Xehanort.

“Yeah yeah. I would’ve made it up to the big guy too if that so-called “Thief” hadn’t proposed we take so many freaking detours. Apparently he forgot I can FLY. Oh well, he got his Game Over.” Garble didn’t seem to care that Thief had allegedly bit the dust.

“I have a few more guests for the two of you to meet. Come, meet them, and then we shall start our mission.” Xehanort gestured to another corridor, but this time Cold Enchanter walked out with Madolche Majoleine on a leash of ice. She was still being submissive to him, because Aquaman’s nipple powers were that strong.

“What do you want me to do next, Master?” Majoleine asked in a submissive tone.

“Put Ice Counters on these guys.” The witch accepted the orders. She pointed at Bubblegum, and an icicle embedded itself in her chest, sticking out disturbingly without any kind of blood, uhh, bubblegum loss.

“Hey, this actually feels good!” Bubblegum said in an ecstatic tone. The witch then slowly pointed towards Garble, but he suddenly flew into the air rather urgently.

“You’re NOT embedding one of those into me! I have a 4X weakness to ice!” Garble shouted defiantly.

“Master wants it, so I’ll give it to you. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Like hell it will!” Garble blew a large breath of fire far surpassing his Neutral Special at the witch, comically burning her to cinders and melting the leash of ice. She quickly recovered using some kind of magic, but appeared to be clueless as to where she was.

“Where am I? Last thing I knew I was underwater with…YOU! Why do I feel really uncomfortable!? It’s your fault, isn’t it!?”

“Impossible. I didn’t think dragon fire was -that- strong…to dispel Aquaman’s nipple powers is an amazing feat.” Cold Enchanter thought coldly to himself. He wasn’t watching what was going on however, and started to feel sick in the stomach. He knelled over, as the comical pain was too much for him.

“That’s your comeuppance! Accept it!” the witch said with a proud pose. She too, didn’t watch what was going on in her pride and failed to notice that Cold Enchanter had gotten better.

“Enough.” Young Xehanort said with a strange hand-wave, presumably having dispelled the witch’s magic with his stronger variant.

“Who the heck are you?” Majoleine asked.

“My name is of no importance. What does matter, however, is what you seek. Why are you here?” Xehanort pointed to the witch.

“I kind want to kick that gay guy’s ass.”

“I’m not gay!”

“Can’t you two just shut up and make like friends? Nothing annoys me like people other than myself yelling at other people!” Garble complained, trying to break the mold.

“Why don’t we all go along with the nice man?” Bubblegum suggested. “BURNS THE TOYS!”

“First off, I don’t even know who you are. Why did you bring me here when I had everything planned out?” Cold Enchanter asked Xehanort in suspicion.

“You and the witch believe your ideals strong enough to mount your wills to live, but is that really so? Test your strength against me, and see otherwise.”

“I sure will after you interrupted my perfect plan!” Cold Enchanter fired some icicles towards Young Xehanort, who merely teleported behind him and pulled off a fancy combo to finish him off in one go.

“You let your guard down!” Majoleine chuckled as she remained in mid-air, attempting to use some random magic to insta-win….same thing happened to her. Both spellcasters laid on the ground, completely and utterly defeated from the sheer secret boss comboing.

“Do you understand now? One gains experience by travelling and learning from what’s around them. Only from there can they become a secret boss who OHKOS like myself.”

“You’re just cheap!” Cold Enchanter said accusingly.

“For once, I actually agree with him.” Majoleine said.

“Which is why the two of you should join up with our cause so you may have a better understanding of why I am cheap.”

“Very well.” The two of them agreed.

“I want to join up too. I, Randy Johnson, wish to avenge the death of Youtube goer Ashens by destroying the toy factory that made the terrible toy that killed him. Allow me.”

“You may join too. And that makes…6 of us. Come along.” Xehanort opened up a corridor, and everyone walked through it…

Super sexy Ace Trainer JOE! was strolling down the streets of some random town, minding his own business while opening a Wonka Bar he brought from the stores. He expected brown shit inside, but much to his amazement he had picked up none other than one of 5 Golden Tickets stored inside one in every billion or so Wonka Bars.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO ADD AN OOMPA LOOMPA TO MY TEAM! WOOOOOOOOOT!!!” JOE! cheered so loudly, people thought he was going to be the next Justin Beiber with that pretty face. Did you know he was actually 20 years old? The games LIE.

JOE! eagerly took out a Pokeball containing one of his 6 beloved partners, Alakazamand threw it on the ground ahead of him!

“Alakazam, Teleport us back to the bro shed…I’m gonna need a lot of Luxury Balls if you know what I mean.”

“Dude, get some exercise.” The Alakazam thought to itself before obeying its orders.

Probably like, a few days later or something, JOE! was outside the grand chocolate factory waiting for its grand opening. Willy Wonka then walked forward majestically, guided by a bunch of Oompa Loompas who looked just about ready to punch the shit out of anyone who got near.

“Ah, so you must be the single lucky winner lucky enough to get a tour of my grand chocolate factory!” Wonka said with as much vigor as he could.

“Uhhh, just wondering, aren’t there supposed to be 4 other winners besides me?” JOE! asked naively.

“Nah, I lied so I could make more money from the Wonka Bars. Plus it’s cheaper to hold a tour for only one person instead of five.” Wonka said bluntly.

“Some gentleman you are…” JOE! thought with a dumbfounded look on his face.

“Oh, and before I forget, here’s a complementary treat for you. It’s a surprise!” Wonka took out a silver gumbal and threw it JOE!’s mouth, which he caught and ate. Needless to say, he liked it.

“Okay let’s go.”

Then, skipping some potentially epic bits, Wonka and JOE! finally got to the end of the tour. They were back outside the factory or something, cus I can’t be bothered looking up the movie.

“Did you enjoy the tour little boy?” Wonka asked nicely.

“Yeah, I did. Thanks man.”

“No you didn’t you ungrateful prick.” Wonka thought with a pissed look on his face.

“You say something?”

“No, no. In any case, I have yet another surprise for you if you’d lie on your back and look up into the sky.”

“Are you really that desperate to rape me?”

“YES.”

“Fuck you man, I’m leaving.” And then it happened. JOE!’s body suddenly turned halfsilver as liquids poured out onto the floor like a bad case of sweatting. Before JOE! could figure out what was happening, a silver cage suddenly formed around him, causing him to be trapped like a 10th placing Rattata.

“Haha! How do you like that, you little shit! That was my cageball, a new type of gumball that causes a cage to form around the eater if they say the word ‘fuck’! An excellent way to punish those naughty children who use that foul word so casually, and the only way out? Oh, you’ll find out later on…” Wonka had a sinister face as he walked past the front gate, where two greedy businessmen greeted him: Clayton and Stromboli.

“Gentlemen, we have ourselves another child slave. But this one is special, as Ghetsis wants him for -that- task so go easy on him. Stromboli, you get first dibs on the kid since you won last week’s competition of Disney Rumble.”

“Ah, I’ll make him into a fine performer I will!” The fat antagonist took the cage and placed it in his traveling caravan, heading off to who knows where…

JOE! was stuck in a cage inside the traveling caravan of which was surprisingly spacey. He wasn’t frightened however, as he had Pokemon. Of course. He decided it would be a good idea to bust open this cage and expose this scam for what it was, and the best Pokemon for that job would be his Feraligatr.

“Feraligatr, use bite!” The Big Jaw Pokemon tried to bite through the cage, only to get shocked in the process. Seemed that would do no good. It didn’t do that other brown shit furry sitting in a cage at the other end of the room any good either; poor Bigfoot looked really sad, and it was easy to see why.

“Rawwwwwwwr!” He roared a sad roar. Awww.

“They must be trying to sell that poor guy for money! Not on my watch, for I’ll save him and find just what’s going on behind that ass Ghetsis’ latest evil scheme!” 

So he thought.

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Responses

  1. Even when he is not on screen, Aquaman is amazing.

    Also I wish I had a better understanding of how to be cheap D:

    • Maybe in the future son, maybe in the future. We all have inner cheapness in us…

  2. Wonka slayed me lol

  3. For those wondering why JOE! didn’t use Alakazam to teleport out of the cage, Bigfoot’s woop woop negates teleportation.


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