Posted by: katapultarr | August 26, 2012

MYM13 Story Recap – Part 3

Gatsaf Shepherd was out in the fields you see in his card art doing the obvious – herding his sheep.

“Ah, it’s a wonderful day and I’m awesome.” He was really happy, but why wouldn’t he be when he was surrounded by tons of cute little sheep? Just look at all those sheep in his artwork man! That was about to change however when he saw a familiar figure gaze at him out of nowhere….it was his arch-nemesis, The Shepherd!

“…You!” Gatsaf’s expression changed from gleeful to serious in an instant as he held a balled fist at the impostor.

“Long time no see, Gatsaf. Been enjoying the company of those cute little sheep?”

“What…No! Just how bad can you be!?”

“That’s what I want to find out. My company’s an animal that’s trying to survive – struggling and fighting just to keep herself alive….which is why I’ll go to any lengths to ensure it doesn’t die. You see Gatsaf, THAT’S why I want your sheep – to power my invention, the wool!” The Shepherd pointed at Gatsaf.

“Thneed wasn’t realistic enough for you, eh? Fine, I’ll face the ghosts of my past and battle you to the death!”

“Nonononon…you got it all wrong. Gatsaf, I want you and I to work together – think about it, the world treated us like shit in the past, so why should we take that? Together, we can get revenge on those who dared to trample on us!”

“What’s there to get revenge for? You just can’t let go of the past, can you!?”

“Ha! You don’t even know anything…ignorance sure is bliss, but that’s something I can’t fucking afford!”

“Then join me, and we can herd all the sheep. We’ll never get hungry with their lamb, and never get cold with their natural wool.”

“Oh? Gatsaf, let me ask you something. Upon waking up in the daytime, do you find that you have significantly less sheep than before?”

“Why yes. It kind of bothers me, but I just assumed they ran off in the night or something.”

“What kind of gullible idiot are you? I know the truth, and man it’ll rock your world.”

“I suppose I could get a few pointers as to keep my sheep from running away…”

“The truth is….2 years ago, you were abducted by the blue faction of New Phyrexia and experimented on by Jin-Gitaxias in order to create a wereplorf….that plan failed however, so instead he turned you into a werewolf.”

“WHAT!? Impossible! Then that means…”

“Every night, you become a werewolf and try to eat your sheep, which is pretty counterproductive to your line of work. BUT, I can fix that for you! All you have to do is join me!”

“…I refuse.”

“What? You dumb? You’ll spend the rest of your life knowing you murdered your friends!”

“I sense something…behind you.”

Indeed. Behind the Shepherd was none other than THE Urabrask, a midget version of you-know-who who broke off a portion of his non-soul before dying at the hands of MYM11’s cool herpes. If it weren’t for those fools Jack, Rapunzel, Batman, Po, Aising, Yuffie, Cyrus, Octavia, and Sayaka…(and maybe that pedophile Yukon) who had to go and ruin New Phyrexia’s plans. Fuck them.

“I didn’t think you’d be alive after being brutally experimented on. Ah well, I’m just here to plant sheep corpses and totally not be in character. Not that anyone has any character on me to work on lol.” The Urabrask went over to plant some sheep corpses which grew into Sheep Trees in like 2 seconds before burrowing into a lava pit. He floored himself with the idea.

“You see now? Even he’s on my side, and he used to be my biggest enemy! Gatsaf, you don’t stand a jin of a chance.”

“Just you wait, asshole. I’ll beat you and not be a human werewolf despite the fact that that’d mean me not being special anymore.”

“Yeah, I kinda don’t need you around here. I wanna make some wool, so get lost.”

And so Gatsaf did. Literally.

Eventually however, he met up with Luke Atmey who was in the middle of trailing the same carriage Stromboli was using to whore away JOE! from last time. Atmey of course, had his own car, because it would be silly for him not to – he was driving the front of it, nice and pink, while Gatsaf was sitting in the backseat. Why did Atmey randomly waste his time with him? Because Gatsaf gave him MONEY. People will drive you places when you have money.

The two men eventually parked in front of a giant tent in the middle of nowhere, parking it out the front and sneaking inside to stalk Stromboli’s carriage. What they found inside however, was quite shocking…

Lady Gaga was perched up on a throne overseeing a boxing ring with a huge crowd of gay fanboys. At the moment, nobody would be able to knock Gaga off the perch, because HER is the perch.

“Welcome y’all! Lady Gaga here ready to create a revolutionary event! What event you ask? Have you ever heard of that famous Boxer Joe Calzhage who sexy boy Junahu made a moveset for back in MYM6? Well I’m gonna break his winning streak today!” Gaga finished off by doing a slutty pose and firing fireworks from her chest, causing the crowd to go wild.

“Yeah, I’m gonna enjoy dis!” Stromboli cracked his knuckles and hopped into the ring, blowing kisses to the crowd who only gave him rotten tomatoes. This didn’t deter the fat Italian man, who caught all the tomatoes in his mouth and used their energy to fuel himself – he then flexed his muscles so hard his clothes tore to shreds, an unwelcome sight to say the least.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, he’s the Puppet Master who tugs your strings and takes your money! The one, the only, The Great Stromboli!” The crowd went wild, throwing Stromboli some gold coins which he caught in his sack. Once the crowd died down, a cage rose from the ground in the ring and broke apart on the seams, revealing Joe Calzhage who looked ready to fight.

“And on this corner is the The Italian DragonJoe Calzhage!” The crowd went wild again, and the boxer did something that would be in-character for him to do in this situation. A bell rang, and Stromboli had apparently never heard of Joe given he looked really confident…that confidence was soon shattered however, as Joe got up real close to Stromboli to get in a clinch…

“Wow, he’s going for the clinch right away! I heard he only does this in emergencies!” Joe gave Stromboli a ‘come at me bro’ motion, and the puppeteer found himself being mind-controlled to punch at Joe, only for him to dodge it and get an uppercut for the win! The secret to his victories people, mind-control.

While the fat man was distracted, Atmey and Gatsaf snuck into his caravan. On the front desk they found two keys which they used to release Bigfoot and JOE!.

“You okay man?” Gatsaf asked JOE!.

” Thanks. Bigfoot’s woop woop was preventing me from getting out.”

“What do you mean by that? You couldn’t even get out without that.”

“Oh, I have a Pokemon which lets me teleport to any place in the world. It’s awesome man, better than catching the bus.”

“Well, we’d better get out of here.” And with that, the 4 got out of the caravan…only to be confronted by Lady Gaga and her fanboy minions.

“Nice of you to take the bait.” She told them.

“Wait…don’t tell me you were anticipating this?” JOE! asked in shock.

“Yes, it was all set-up from the very beginning. Got Stromboli to come here by promising him he’d become famous by taking out the best boxer in the world, Joe Calzhage. That was all to bring YOU here, however.”

“What, just because my name is Joe too!?”

“Nonononono. You’re the one who everything in this world is centered around. You’re the chosen one. If you die the entire world will be destroyed.”

“What!? I know a lot of cool stuff happened to me like beating all the world’s best trainers, taking down some evil syndicate AND randomly holding all the gods of the world captive inside my balls within a week at the age of 10, but THAT’S just ridiculous.”

“You sound like a bigger liar than I was.” Atmey remarked…for the first time.

“Stranger things have happened to me. I’m a werewolf.” Gatsaf randomly admitted.

“Woop Woop!” Bigfoot randomly said.

“Maybe you’re all amazing in some way or another…but I’m the best.” Gaga boasted, only to go quiet for a moment. She then dropped to the floor, dead. Behind her was her killer, Young Xehanort!

“Hypocrite. You are the one who has made your amazingness a prison, even if you are not the prisoner.”

“Wow, who are you!?” JOE! asked in awe.

“Everything this wretched woman told you was a lie. But I ask child; are you the winner of the 5th Golden Ticket?”

“Why yes, but the experience was not a very pleasant one. I was tricked and then brought here.”

“I see. I was too late. And here I was hoping I would arrive earlier and you’d help me kill Wonka.”

“Given how he treated me like shit, I’d love to help you kill him.”

“He is not a man to be underestimated. He is currently creating a candy that can turn whoever eats it into Zeus.”

“Really?”

“Yes. We must find him at once.”

“I, Ace Detective Luke Atmey shall assist you on this case!” The man staked his pride.

“…and who are you?” Xehanort didn’t heed much attention to this low-life.

“Tch! I already introduced himself! Are you deaf?”

“Come. You may meet my subordinates, who are nearly done raiding Lady Gaga’s Private Toy Factory.”

“Good sir, may I ask why we don’t just go to Wonka’s chocolate factory to find him? He must spend his time inside if he’s planning on creating this “masterpiece” that’ll bring the world to ruin.” Gatsaf asked a wise question.

“Wonka is no fool. He wouldn’t leave himself so open like that. His quarters are constantly changing; he’s an elaborate man who never leaves a trace of himself behind…which is why I have to search every nook and cranny of the world.” With that, Xehanort opened up Corridor of Darkness and everyone stepped through, minus Bigfoot who was dead because everyone hated him.

Everyone arrived in an underwater temple, including the members Xehanort picked up from the baseball stadium. The group now consisted of JOE!, Atmey, Gatsaf, Xehanort, Majoleine, Cold Enchanter, Randy Johnson, Garble and Bubblegum.

“So, why we here?” JOE! asked.

“A good question indeed. Do you know what this is?” Xehanort took out the evil of all evils, Vick’s Vaporub!

“This is Vick’s Vaporub, Aquaman’s weakness like how Superman is weak to Cryptonite.”

“So…we’re in this temple to lure out Aquaman so you can put that stuff on him and beat him!? What did he ever do to you?” Cold Enchanter asked coldly.

“He’s a much bigger threat than all of you combined, which is why he must be defeated.”

“Shouldn’t we get his help if we’re to find Wonka?” Gatsaf asked.

“Wait, did you say THE Wonka!? I didn’t know you were trying to find him; he’s my mentor!” Majoleine admitted.

“He created me!” Bubblegum also admitted. Makes sense.

“You guys don’t know about it?” JOE! asked the other group.

“This guy wanted us to take out terrible toys to avenge some internet reviewer, but I’ve had my suspicions about him from the very beginning…now that our group is bigger, why don’t we take him down here and now!” Garble cracked his knuckles on the spot, ready to kick some butt.

“I wouldn’t do that unless you wanted this entire place to cave in and for you all to die drowning…unless Aquaman came to save you.”

“You bastard! I never want to go through that again!” Cold Enchanter fired some ice crystals at Xehanort, who merely reflected them with his cheap powers.

“Didn’t I tell you that wouldn’t work? You can never defeat me, no matter how many of you there are.”

“Fuck yu!” Garble breathed fire at Xehanort, which was strong enough to rape his barrier and actually deal some damage.

“Shit….I forgot how powerful you were. But then again I couldn’t have created Vik’s Vaporub without you.”

“So what? You’re losing man, there was no point in it!”

“Well, I can just escape with Corridors so yeah.” Xehanort dropped the vaporub on the floor and left through a corridor, leaving all the characters stranded in the middle of nowhere.

“Damn it, we’re stuck! Hey Witch, you got any way out?” Garble asked.

“Afraid not.”

You’re unreliable…” Cold Enchanter snickered.

“Shut up! Like you’re any more helpful!”

“Ooooooooh guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys.” JOE! spun a Pokeball on his fingers while wearing his rapeface he uses to watch people masturbate. Said Pokeball released his Alakazam.

“My Alakazam can teleport us all outta here in a jiffy.”

“Really? You’re a lifesaver!” Bubblegum praised.

“You can take us all home.” Randy pointed out.

“Uhhh, yeah, about that….my services don’t come cheap.” JOE! scratched the back of his head while wearing a goofy look.

“And just what does that mean?” Garble asked impatiently.

“You all kinda gotta pay me for my services or else I’ll leave you behind…”

“WHAT!?” Most of the other characters yelled.

“Low-life!” Bubblegum called out.

“Now now everyone, maybe he’s asking for just a little. Besides…” Gatsaf reasoned.

“Actually, I just want to put the dragon inside a Pokeball and make it participate in cockfights. That’s all.”

“WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO SUFFER!?” Garble yelled.

“Hey, I can take them all home at your expense. Am I right guys?” JOE! made a trollface.

“It doesn’t seem fair to him, as much as I’d like it.” Randy thought.

“Dude, I can take you ANYWHERE in the world. I can even sneak you into the cinemas without paying!”

“I like that.” Bubblegum cast her vote.

“Me too. I hate having to line-up for cinemas.” Majoleine agreed.

“I disagree because that bitch agrees.” Cold Enchanter said coldly.

“Your death wish pal.” JOE! teased evily.

“Dragons have always annoyed me; there are so many of them.” Gatsaf agreed.

“I have no problem agreeing with the major party.” said Atmey.

“Grrr! I’ll make sure you all die horrible deaths at the hands of my race!” Garble swore vengeance.

“Come at me bro.” JOE! took out a Pokeball, tossing out his saltest Pokemon to do battle with Garble, Breloom.

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Responses

  1. WOOP WOOP!

  2. Behind the Shepherd was none other than THE Urabrask, a midget version of you-know-who who broke off a portion of his non-soul before dying at the hands of MYM11′s cool herpes.

    Urabrask’s weakness confirmed to be herpes.

  3. “Ooooooooh guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys.” JOE! spun a Pokeball on his fingers while wearing his rapeface he uses to watch people masturbate. Said Pokeball released his Alakazam.

    XD

  4. VICKS VAPOR RUB

    MY SIDES


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