Posted by: katapultarr | September 9, 2012

MYM13 Story Recap – Part 5


High up in the sky, Kammy Koopa was looking very proud of herself after having spent weeks being offscreen constructing the Power Platform for the revival of her new Lord Pumkinwho was seated on a diner throne. She was more deaf that Death apparently, because she failed to hear his true demands of “GIVE ME THE BUTTER.”…

“Here’s the Power Platform your ordered, your nastiness.” Kammy finally presented the platform,  but much to her shock…

“NO! I DON’T WANT THAT!” The platform was swatted away like a piece of unwanted pizza! And lemme tell you, the sight of Kammy jaw-dropping was so priceless you could fetch a hefty sum for it on Ebay…

“Forget this guy. I might as well go back to working at Slugworth’s chocolate factory. He was actually nice to me.” And with that, Kammy flew away from the nightmare that was Pumkin, the all-picky monstrosity.

The swatted Power Platform wasn’t gone either, as it was flying towards the ocean near Bobby’s Beachouse! Long story short, it fell into the ocean and created a monstrous tsunami that dried up just as it got to the beach, resulting in JOE!, Atmey, Gatsaf, Majoleine, Cold Enchanter, Randy Johnson, Garble, Bubblegum and even Aquaman being washed up ashore…along with a ton of fish. Bubbleman was also there for some reason, because people liked him, and it would be understandable if he somehow appeared in the ocean. Ahead of all those characters were Xehanort, Wonka, Clayton and Stromboli, the series’ current antagonists – this was the time where everything fell into place, or at least tried to.

“Hey Wonka, long time no see faggot. I owe you an asskicking.” JOE! said while cracking his knuckles.

“By all means try, but I can hardly see you breaching through my new defenses.” Wonka said arrogantly. Majoleine and Bubblegum were huddled up to Wonka like they were his bitches.

“Wonka! We missed you so much! Can we open up the factory again?” Majoleine asked.

“Make more doubles of me so I don’t have to rule!” Bubblegum pleaded.

“Yes my whores, I’ll do that as soon as we’re done destroying these naught children who oppose us.” Wonka assured.

“Wow, somebody already beat me to the punch. Whoever brought the heads of these two must be really powerful, even stronger than Aquaman…” Cold Enchanter coldly thought to himself as he picked up the decapitated heads of Athena and Ghetsis before kicking them into the ocean like soccer balls, where a shark jumped up to eat them.

“You must be talking about me? Glad ya liked my bro!” Putata appeared out of nowhere atop the trolley where Cold Enchanter could see him. “Though to be honest, I wasn’t the one who did them in; it was actually…” Putata whispered into Cold Enchanter’s ears right up close…

“Finally free-eh! Got no reason to be sitting in your balls, punk!” Garble cracked his knuckles at JOE!

“You can sit in my balls ANYTIME.” Aquaman intruded, holding his hands in an seductive position. When he talked, almost everyone started staring at him.

“You….you’re the one we have to kill. And where there’s no water, it’s the perfect opportunity.” Xehanort pointed condescendingly.

“Oh shit.” Aquaman attempted to jump back in the water, but the 4 villains didn’t feel like escaping was their day.

“Wonka, pass me the saber bars.” Xehanort held both hands out as Wonka tossed two chocolate bars they erupted into lightsabers the moment they entered his hands.

“Getting rid of this rool once and for all…” Xehanort jumped towards Aquaman, doing a cross-slash that rendered him immobile for a moment.

“OUTTA MY WAY!” Clayton barged into Garble, knocking him into Aquaman as an explosion of fire damaged him, which if you remember has the amazing power to dispel nipples.

“Why are you all teaming against me? I’m a superhero!” Aquaman cried.

“You always get in our money-making way!” Stromboli called out.

“Money? If it’s money you want, I’ll give you A Quid if you leave me alone like, forever.” Aquaman took out the Quid and tossed it to Stromboli, who catched it hoping it was worth something…only for him to flash, and from there he was inconveniently transformed into the most terrifying thing on the planet: Etranger.

“Yeah, I’m finally free from that ugly fat sob of a human shell! Now I can spread love and peace to all corners of the earth!” Etboli declared.

“Uhh, Boli-man, you okay?” Clayton asked.

“Never been better! In fact, now I realize you’re evil and must die!” Etboli was about to fire some weird pink cube at Clayton, only for it to be blocked by the combined efforts of Cold Enchanter. Gatsaf and Randy Johnson…who had rage in their eyes.

“Kill. Kill, kill, kill, kill, killkillkillkillkillkillkillKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLLLLLLLLLL!!!” They chanted in unison creepily. Were they long lost brothers or something?

“Etranger is a being who releases the hate in certain men’s hearts. Those who can resist it are either called gifted or retarded.” Wonka explained.

“Umm, aren’t they the same thing?” JOE! asked, realizing he was being insulted. “Why aren’t I being affected.”

“The energy cannot affect your girlish body. Also, because you have no opinions. I for one like Etranger, and some people hate me for it.”

Etranger dodged the incoming baseball and ice crystals, taunting the three froyggots. “The killing rangers? I’ve seen tougher nuts in my wheaties!”

Clayton then approached Etranger. “I love you. Why don’t we get married? Just duplicate me and we’ll be rich! (I can also have lots of kids that way!”

“Sure! Guess you’re not so evil after all…” The two walked off and exited through a portal to Junahu’s world, living happily ever after. Needless to say, everyone else was left looking utterly dumbfounded at how the two characters were suddenly killed off.

“Well, I’ve lost two important supporters. Xehanort, our deal is off.” Wonka walked to the side of his two whores. “I’m going to go back to making chocolate, because whores can actually teach you something aside from bad things.”

“I’ve been supporting your chocolate factory from the shadows, and this is how you repay me? Just you wait; I’ll give the gobstopper recipe to Slugworth, and his factory will beat out yours in no time. Atmey, Putata, come.” Xehanort looked upset, walking through a corridor of death to leave the area. Atmey and Putata followed for some under-elaborated reason.

“Aquaman’s power of deduction is truly amazing…he managed to off those 5 threatening villains WITHOUT using violence simply by exposing their weak points as people. And he only had to use one Atlantic treasure…” JOE! thought in awe.

“I have failed as a Shepherd in terms of discipline, allowing myself to gather up such hatred for a girl. Granted, Elesh Norn was  a woman and I fucking hate her wiery guts, but that’s an entirely different story. You two surely feel the same, right? I may have found my soul companions, so join me….and we can train to suppress our hatred and defeat The Shepherd. We shall head to the fields where no electricity nor whore lays.”

“Given that bitchy goddess is dead I have no objections – discipline is what a warrior of ice needs instead of sucking on cock-shaped candies like that little bitch over there. Count me in.” Cold Enchanter said coldly.

“You guys seem like good company. I was going to avenge Ashens by destroying bad factories, so this should help.” Randy manboy said randily. With that, the three walked their own path and said adieu to the rest of the peeps who were in their group. Perhaps they would meet again someday, but they kinda hoped that would never happen.

The rest of the characters decided to relax on the beach, with Wonka wearing clothes men wear on the beach under a parasol while still-clothed Majoleine and Bubblegum were fanning him as practice for making chocolate, for they had to prove themselves more useful than Oompa Loompas. It was going to be a tough battle. Oh, and Garble had flown away to his dragon homies because he wanted nothing to do with anything else that happened.

“Phew, being free from Stromboli’s mind control sure feels great!” Wonka said after having chugged down some beer. Stromboli had indeed been mind-controlling him, and now that he didn’t exist in the world the Wonka man was free. “Aquaman, as a token of my gratitude would you mind me building another chocolate factory under the sea?”

“Sure. Believe it or not, fish and sharks love candy very much. That, and we may be able to get humans being one with the ocean if they’re willing to swim down there for chocolate. Think of all the fitness programs we could put in place for kids!”

“Dude, isn’t that kinda self-defeating with all the calories chocolate has in it? Eh, but Wonka’s chocolate doesn’t fatten but rather heals…only Freaky Fred and Fawful’s food fattens people these days. No wonder confectionery is made using magic.” JOE! thought to himself joefully.

“Aquaman…become my partner in business. Together, we can defeat Slugworth regardless of the fact that he knows about my gobstoppers!” The other 4 characters cheered, deciding they would make the best confectioneries ever. And so, our true story begins…

For real. A battle about two chocolate companies.

In a room completely void of light, Dark Meta Knight walked up to a small office where a shady employer waited. A screen turned on, revealing a sly-looking Slugworth with his fingers tented ready to hear what his subordinate had to say.

“My leige, Wonka has recruited 4 people to start up his new chocolate factory, and Stromboli’s mind control has worn off. We are currently investigating their hidden backgrounds and making all the preparations necessary to neutralize them.” DMK tossed some papers onto the desk, showing pictures and basic details of the 4 people working for Wonka that you saw before. A large chair swung around to reveal Slugworth’s secretary, Black Jacque Shellac.

“Mmm, yess, good.” He looked through the reports, then turned around to compile them into a large stack tall enough to make a wall for a non-existent damn.

“Information gathering has always been our forte, but worry not about it now. Instead, I have a minion ready which you can use to utterly crush those insects into nothingness. Behold.” Slugworth gestured to a brick wall which shattered, revealing a furious Koala Kong behind there. “This mindless beast will destroy everything for you. And best of all, if he destroys the factory Wonka won’t think I did it since he’s a wild animal. I’m not known for taking animals out of their habitats for such silly things…”

“What about that time you asked Jin to build you the supercomputer Vol Opt to run the entire factory for a day, only for it to be screwed over?”

“Ah, yes. I got that same “god-of-science” to get a colleague to bring me this beast which he invented, and he has a nametag too; everything will point to him instead of me.”

“You have so many contacts, sir. Truly the master of information gathering.”

“Yes, I still have connections with a whole lot of other gods which nobody knows about. But let’s leave it at that for now. Perry the Platypus, show this kind fellow the way out.” Perry kicked down a door, kindly holding Dark Meta Knight’s hand to walk him out of the building. He would accomplish his mission no matter what.

JOE! was kicking back at the beach next to Wonka wearing only the same clothes as he was. He had ordered Feraligatr, Alakazam and Breloom to build the base of the factory atop the water along with Aquaman. Bubblegum was busy fanning Wonka due to having nothing better to do, while Majoleine had finished making a phonecall…yes, a phonecall.

“Guys, I just finished making a call to my childhood friend who said she’d be able to help with the factory’s production. She will come in a few minutes due to being amazing, even more so than myself.”

“Having friends is truly a wonderful thing, is it not?” Wonka said.

“Especially when they randomly give you free stuff. Seriously, I have so many spare berries and TMs I could practically run my own shop.” JOE! said. And in what was probably not even a minute, a small girl flew down from the sky atop a broom, landing next to Majoleine.

“Why hello there. I haven’t see you for a long time.”

“It’s been too long, Witch!” Majoleine hugged her friend, who didn’t seem to mind the affection.

“Please. Can’t we just skip the formalities for now and proceed to the construction?” Wonka asked politely.

“Very well. I shall help you, if it means being able to settle matters with -him- once and for all. Xehanort, the supposed master of elemental magics will be defeated by me.”

“Uhh, yeah, you just missed him.” JOE! pointed out.

“I know. He’s currently working together with Slugworth to take you down, so by siding with you my chances of encountering him increase.”

“You really sure you wanna fight with that guy? He’s strong, REALLY strong! He even defeated me!” Majoleine exaggerated, but not really.

“No surprise there. You were always kind of a pushover.”

“I’d like to beat that guy myself just to prove that I’m awesome, so we have a common goal.” JOE! said joefully.

“Then that makes you my rival.”



  1. JOE! said joefully.

    joefully is a new adjective.

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