Posted by: masterwarlord | August 21, 2014

The Illbleed Slaughter – Part 1

We get a shot of several Meat Men and Dummy Men from Illbleed working some machinery before we get a close up of a man in a wheelchair hitting a button. The camera cuts to around six or so of the universes that characters are drawn from for the story mode as they spontaneously get sucked into portals, though their name tags do not show up yet. We eventually get a wide shot of a large museum as the characters of the story mode get dumped out of portals. None of them are given introduction tags, save for MICHAEL REYNOLDS, who is standing in front of them all.

“Welcome. You have all been selected to participate in the first Illbleed Slaughter, hopefully the first of many to come. In the Illbleed slaughter, you all will-“

Michael Reynolds is quickly interrupted when a LICKER of the Resident Evil franchise randomly starts attacking other participants due to being mindless, but is drawn towards Michael Reynolds due to the noise. The Licker is constantly repelled back by some unseen force as it attempts to attack the other players. It eventually goes after Michael Reynolds himself, but cannot come within 6 inches or so of him, no matter how hard he tries to stab him with his tongue.

The horror tycoon sighs. “Doctor, I think you’ll need to provide a demonstration earlier than expected.”

DR. STRANGELOVE wheels himself in with his wheelchair and casually shoots the Licker with a gun, firing several times. The Licker leaps through the air at Strangelove, but spontaneously falls to the ground before he can reach him due to an unseen force. The creature is shot right in the head once it has fallen to the ground in front of Strangelove, as it is clear that the man doesn’t have the best aim.

Reynolds continues. “In the Illbleed slaughter, there is only one winner. That winner shall receive one million dollars, and a free hearing of the Michael Reynolds orchestra. All you have to do to win is not die – the last survivor wins. Don’t go crazy just yet, though, because as you’ve seen, violence is prohibited within my museum.”

JIN GITAXIAS of the praetors speaks up from among the crowd. “I have more important things to do than the pursuit of currency, human. Why should I care?”

Reynolds folds his arms. “Such impatience! I was just going to get to that. Participation in Illbleed Slaughter is mandatory. You have no other way back to your homes without us, and if you attempt to leave your entire universe will be detonated.”

“Psssh, what you gonna do, drop a nuke?”

Strangelove grins. “Men, give us a view of universe #13.” A viewing only portal opens up courtesy of a large machine behind Strangelove and Reynolds. It takes a bit to do so, and Strangelove goes to call out two names while waiting. “Gluttony, Sloth, step forward. You can have some donuts and a nap after the presentation is over.” The camera cuts to GLUTTONY, who is picking his nose and not caring about the conversation, and SLOTH, who is too tired to listen to it. They awkwardly come over, Sloth groaning.

“This is your universe, correct?”. The portal opens to showcase King Bradley of the Full Metal Alchemist universe doing some paperwork at his desk. Gluttony nods over eagerly like some sort of dog, while Sloth mumbles “Wrath”. Strangelove pets Gluttony’s head as saying “Good, good” before the portal’s view comes up out of the building. A nuke spontaneously lands on top of Bradley’s castle, and then cuts to several other places from the universe where other nukes spontaneously land. Gluttony claps his hands like an idiot while Sloth doesn’t seem to especially care one way or the other. Strangelove gives Gluttony his promised donut and has them leave.

Jin continues to speak on the crowd’s behalf. “Blow it up then, I care little. I am here and will survive, and this is probably the only possible way to kill Nicol Bolas anyway. I am not afraid of your primitive technology either.” He points to Strangelove’s gun.

“Then know that whenever anybody attempts to leave this island, a nuke will be fired here specifically as well as your home planet, so your life is very much so on the line.”

“And what if I killed you here?”

“I did not think I would be using the gun for that purpose earlier. . .It was for another demonstration.” Strangelove turns his side to Jin before pointing his gun at his head. He pulls the trigger, causing the bullet to phase through his own head before reaching the intended target of Jin. Jin lets out a grunt of pain, but given he is a giant monster is largely unharmed. Stranglove puts the gun away. “Only violence that we allow can transpire here within my neutrality zone. You cannot harm us.”

Michael Reynolds coughs briefly, clearing his throat. “Now that motivation has been taken care of, you may stay within my museum for a maximum of twenty four hours. Inside of here, you are immune to attacks from fellow Illbleed Slaughter participants. You can leave and come back to the museum to use up the remainder of your time. The intention is that you can form some alliances to make things more interesting. . .Do keep in mind, though, that there is ultimately only one winner. In addition, if twenty four hours pass without a participant dying, the island will be nuked courtesy of Dr. Strangelove. You will be given a notice if this is occurring six hours in advance, and hourly updates from there on.”


A yellow block is slowly seen forming in the museum before dropping down, looking gigantic. . .But the screen zooms out and shows it is actually quite small in size before zooming out to show KAMMY KOOPA. “Bah, it was enough to fend off the Toads.” KAMEK is very displeased by this. “Surely you can do better than that.”

“Well lord Bowser can’t even perform his signature spell!”

WIZARD BOWSER has his arms folded and scoffs. “I can’t use hex because all direct harm is prohibited by the magic barrier inside the building. I think he called it the neutrality zone. . .You weren’t hitting anything with the block, so you could still form it. Your magic is just that weak.”

Kamek nods in agreement. “Indeed. . .If even lord Bowser can learn the ways of magic, you have no excuse, Kammy.”

“Well. . .Uh. . .At least I can do more than spawn children’s toys. He’s a complete liability!” The camera pans to LEMMY KOOPA, who is doing a handstand and giggling like an idiot.

Bowser snorts at Kammy. “Unlike you, he has the advantage of blood relation.”

Kamek sighs. “Look, sire. We apparently have 24 hours. I would advise that I take this time to teach them some better magics.”

Bowser rolls his eyes. “And what do you expect me to do during all that time?”

Kamek shrugs. “I don’t know, socialize? See if you can find us some more allies that aren’t completely incompetent.”Kamek chuckles. “I’m sure I won’t take long. . .” He goes to leave and beckons Lemmy and Kammy to follow him. “Come along, there’s magic to be learned.”

Bowser is eventually left by himself and goes to look around, but he is quickly stopped when TUBBA BLUBBA comes up to his side. “Hey, Bowser, long time no see!” Bowser stops dead in his tracks without turning to look at him. “Oh, HEY, Tubba Blubba. . .”

“It’s been a while, but you know I’ve always looked up to you. You’re the biggest bad there ever was!”

“Good for you, tubby. I’ll give you my autograph after I kill you in this stupid game.”

Tubba Blubba doesn’t look unphased by this at first, but suddenly starts gagging, weirding out Bowser. Some mumbling of another voice can be heard as something or other comes up his throat, then Tubba’s heart pops up out of mouth. “You’re getting’ us nowhere, ya big dummy!”

Bowser is unimpressed. “Can’t keep your food down, huh?”

Tubba picks up his struggling heart with his hands. “Don’t you remember, boss? You gave this to me! It’s my heart!”

“This. . .This is getting real creepy, tubby.”

The heart squirms its way out of Tubba’s grip. “I don’t blame ya for not rememberin’, boss, but you gave this wimp up here the power of invincibility back when ya had the star rod. So long as I’m outside his body, lardo up there can’t be killed. . .By ANYTHIN’.”

Bowser laughs. “Oh yeah, I remember now. Thanks for reminding me how to kill you when this game starts!”

“Look, I’m takin’ a big gamble on ya here. The only reason I chose you is because tubby thinks you’re his evil hero, so it’s a partnership that’d make us all happy. Anyway, so long as ya keep –me- safe, you’ll have this glutton to do your every command. Whadda ya say?”

Tubba frowns. “Don’t I get a say in this?”

“Shaddup. This is what you wanted anyway.”

Bowser thinks to himself as Tubba and his heart bicker briefly. “Can hardly say no. Will be more than easy enough to kill them later.” “Sure, you got yourself a deal.”

Bowser continues looking around, largely ignoring most of the other characters in an attempt to find another from his universe. He eventually manages to find KING BOO, who sticks out his tongue in disgust at the sight of Tubba Blubba. “Bowser, why do you have that MONSTROSITY with you?”

“Does it matter? He’s just one of my minions.”

“Oh, so he’s one of YOUR minions, eh?” The camera cuts to Tubba Blubba as King Boo continues talking and Tubba starts drooling. “Well, I’ll have you know that he has killed COUNTLESS Boo subjects of mine. I want nothing to do with you if you ordered such genocide upon my people!”

Bowser sighs. “Look, I barely even remember this idiot. I’ll gladly kill him when this starts if it means you’ll be with me. I even know his weakness.”

King Boo looks as if pondering this before Tubba’s heart speaks up. “He’s lyin’, ya know! The only reason he knows his weakness is because Bowsah himself gave Tubba the power!”

King Boo sighs before floating off. “I thought you placed any value on my kingdom.”

Bowser snorts fire as he clenches a fist and grits his teeth, looking angrily at the heart. He goes to punch it without especially thinking, but his punch is of course blocked by some sort of telekinetic field. The heart just laughs. “Look, why do ya think I did that, huh, pal? You were gonna sell us out! You’re stuck with us now. Deal with it!”


Kamek is seen wandering around rather aimlessly as Kammy and Lemmy follow. Lemmy gives an obnoxious “are we there yet?”, while Kammy simply asks “Where are we even going?”

Kamek doesn’t bother to look at either of them. “No, and we’re going some place private. You’ll know when we get there, trust me. . .”

The camera was largely showing close ups before, but zooms out to show them exiting a backroom door to the museum. Lemmy is too stupid to think anything of it and Kamek doesn’t seem to care, but Kammy seems very worried. “Kamek. . .Why? Why here?”

Kamek’s expression doesn’t change. “Kammy, would you mind using your magic to block the door?”

“What are you possibly planning? You couldn’t even be thinking of. . .Now, YOU WOULDN’T!”

“I can and I will. We can blame this on any number of the other participants when going back to Lord Bowser. This stupid child will be a tremendous burden on all of us.”

“I won’t allow it, come, Lemmy, we are going back inside!” Kammy grabs Lemmy’s hand and goes to do so, but Kamek uses his magic to heavily lower the ground in front of the door, causing them to fall into a makeshift pit. The camera shows Kammy’s perspective as Kamek looks over the entrance to the pit and grins. “I suppose you’ll have to go as well.”


Kamek Vs. Kammy and Lemmy

Given this is the first Brawl of the game, you get 2 stocks and the two enemies fight you one at a time. It’s a fairly easy fight, largely due to Lemmy being almost entirely useless.


The camera casually pans past Lemmy’s already dead body to show Kamek chasing Kammy, though she barely makes it to the door before getting hit by a shape bolt. King Boo is seen peaking through the wall of the museum with his transparency to see some of this, but quickly retracts back. Kamek enters the museum shortly after Kammy, and just lets Kammy go off to report to Bowser, knowing he can no longer stop her.

King Boo eventually shows up next to Kamek. “What were you even doing there? Aren’t you Bowser’s right hand?”

“I am. . .Or rather, I was. I was only doing what was in his best interest by getting rid of that blasted Koopaling. Regardless, getting the chance to kill him later won’t exactly be the worst thing in the world. . .His father should’ve just given me the throne to start with.”

“Well, seeing Bowser’s teamed up with that murderer Tubba Blubba, I’m against him, but I don’t know if I should really trust you if you already betrayed Bowser himself. You’ve worked for him as long as I can remember, Kamek. Back when I was alive, even!”

“Well, I was informed of his weakness. You obviously weren’t, or otherwise you’d have done something about that behemoth back when he was on his killing spree. If you team up with me, I can guarantee you his head.” Kamek extends out his hand.

“You know I can’t physically shake your hand, right. . .? Regardless, I’ll do anything to kill that abomination.”


Soldier, Sniper, Engineer, Duke Oliver, Gaston, Luke Atmey, Waluigi, Krillin, Beezwax

GASTON, WALUIGI, and THE SNIPER are seen carrying explosives out of Beezwax’s truck, which was seen in the background of the giant character group as having been brought in by the portal before. BEEZWAX and THE ENGINEER are seen setting them up, with the Engineer dismantling some of them for parts to turn into his beloved sentry turrets.

KRILLIN, LUKE ATMEY, and DUKE OLIVER are largely just watching this take place, as more characters aren’t especially needed just to carry things around. Oliver specifically has found himself a chair from a control room to sit down in while waiting, only for THE SOLDIER to come over and attempt to smack him in the back of the head. Of course, he is stopped from this, much to his annoyance. “Why I oughta. . .What are you three MAGGOTS doing? I’d thought you’d agreed to join our group!”

Oliver is displeased. “Such rudeness. I was not lucky enough to have my bodyguards brought along with me like that man’s truck. I thought you had agreed to protect us.”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean you get a free ride! That’s communism! You’re not a dirty communist, are you?!”

“Most certainly not! I am a firm supporter of feudalism!”

Haven’t heard of that one. . .Least you’re not a commie. . .Regardless, I’m tasking you three with scouting the land. Figuring out our surroundings.”

Krillin jumps back a bit. “Hey, uh, I’m just a kid! I thought I’d just get in the way, alright? Why don’t you send those guys? They look more capable!”

“You’re not a deserter, are you?” Soldier goes down on one knee to get onto his level. “Do you know the penalty for desertion?!”

“Sir, no, sir! Just uuuuhhhhh. . .I just think I could do the job here. Maybe, say, that guy would be more suited to this?” Krillin points over to Gaston.

Atmey also speaks up. “And I am more of a thinker. I could perhaps help with setting up this base of operations.” The camera cuts to Waluigi dropping some unactive explosives on his foot and yelping in pain, hopping on one foot. “I doubt he would be of much use in that department. . .”

Soldier sighs as he gets up. “Fine, I’ll ask him, if you lot of ladies are too chicken to go.” He approaches Gaston. “You, you said you killed monsters, some village hero, right?”

Gaston flexes. “Yeah, that’s right. Nobody kills beasts like Gaston!”

“Then consider yourself drafted. We’re going to scout the perimeter while the tech guys over here set up camp.”

Gaston is in the middle of kissing his muscles before it finally dawns on him and he goes wide eyed. “Oh no no, I’m doing much too important of work here, you see! Why don’t you get him? He’s not doing anything!” He points to Krillin, who is in his child incarnation from Dragonball.

Soldier pats Gaston on the back. “Not to worry, he’s already promised to take up your shift, private.” Gaston can’t terribly think of much other way out of it and begrudgingly goes with him, doing a very pained and forced grin that immediately fades as Soldier turns his back. Soldier next goes to Waluigi. “You said you were a loser, right? I don’t really remember.”

Waluigi is angered by this. “Where did Waluigi say this? Everybody was cheating but me!”

“Well then, if you’re such a winner you’ll be perfect for the job!”

Waluigi rubs his hands together. “How are we cheating? Are we going to bomb some of the other contestants early?”

“I don’t know WHAT they do in Italy, but in America we do things the honorable way. If we find anybody else along the way, though, you have my permission to fire at will.”

The Soldier goes to pick up some explosives from Beezwax’s truck for Beezwax to yell over at him. “Where are you taking that? We’ve still got plenty of time before the twenty four hour mark.”

“Going behind enemy lines. Filling in the uncharted territory.”

“If you’re the one putting your ass on the line, fine. Don’t expect us to send a search party if you don’t turn up.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back. Dunno about some of these maggots. . .” He turns to Waluigi and drops the explosives into his arms, which he struggles to hold.

“If you desert us, you’d die first thing on your own. I’d advise you grow a spine and don’t complain if you expect to survive.” Atmey reluctantly follows along with the Soldier, while Oliver attempts to wheel himself along in his office chair before having to painstakingly get up in order to keep up.

The Sniper, having finished dropping off some explosives, beckons to the Engineer to come over. Engineer obliges him, though isn’t pleased about it. “What in tarnation is it? You know how much work I’ve got to do.”

“Trust me, it’s important. . .We’re not actually allying ourselves with these blokes, are we?”

“We can’t ‘xactly say no inside this here museum. The only one who’s even remotely useful is the old man. When the timer hits and the game starts, we can sic our turrets on the rest of them and you can snipe ‘em all out.”

“Just makin’ sure we’re on the same page, mate. I don’t mind keepin’ around old Beezwax, but all the rest of them is just too many.”

“I’m not even sure if I want the Soldier even. I reckon his rashness has made us lose the intelligence one too many times.”

“His patriotism can get to his head, but he’s too stupid to betray us, really, and he can be the one to actually leave our base once it’s established. The lot of us can’t just sit around here for the whole game wankin’, after all.”

“Fair point. So just Beezwax and Soldier, the rest are all fair game.”


LORD FREDRIK, BASHMASTER, and SKOWL are seen heading towards the front entrance of the museum, possibly towards the edit. The camera pans back to show KUDGEL looking over his shoulder at them from behind, the camera only showing his eye patch due to him looking at them with his good eye. He turns back to K. ROOL, who is seen pacing in deep thought. KROW is nearby and within view, roosted on top of a pillar, looking fairly bored. Kudgel points off to the Vikings. “Yarr, Ka Rool, those guys might be potential members to join the krew.”

K. Rool is still deep in thought, but turns to look at them. “Doubtful, but they look like they could be from our universe. I’ve heard of their kind up beyond the Northern Kremisphere. . .” He and Kudgel go to approach them. Krow, who is nearly asleep, goes to hastily hurry along after them after he realizes what’s happened. They all line up next to their counterparts on the Snowmad crew, causing them to turn around. K. Rool clears his throat. “Ahem. You lot wouldn’t happen to be interested in an alliance?”

Fredrik is unsurprisingly first to reply. “We’re Vikings, Kremling. We conquer everything we see. This sort of game is straight up our alley. That said, I’m the viking king. I dunno what you’re king of with that crown of yours, but it doesn’t matter now. You’ll be reporting to I, the great Lord Fredrik!”

K. Rool’s wonky eye visibly twitches, but he keeps himself composed for the time being. “You seem to have misunderstood. . .I was offering a partnership, not my servitude. I’ll have you know that I am the king of all Kremlings!”

Bashmaster laughs. “As if that means anything. Your kind are nearly extinct. What’s there to be king of?”

Skowl appears very uninterested. “I too am a king, but my kingdom is alive and well and we’re adding to our numbers all the time. The snowy owls are alive and well. I have no shame in merging my kingdom with Fredrik’s, and I would advise you do the same.”

Bashmaster keeps laughing. “What’s he even got to contribute? I remember we were coming to that general area to raid THEIR island, but it’d already sank into the sea without a trace!”

Kudgel bares his teeth. “You gonna mock the genocide of our race?!”

“Yeah, what’re you gonna do about it?”

Kudgel smacks his club at Bashmaser as he leans against his hammer, as Kudgel has already forgotten about the neutrality zone. Kudgel, who put nearly all his strength into the swing, trips over forwards and falls flat on his face due to the shift in momentum when the barrier shows up to protect Bashmaster. This prompts all three Snowmads to have a hearty laugh.

K. Rool retorts specifically to Bashmaster once they’re finally finished, waiting very impatiently and glaring at them. “It was a tragic event we had no control over. Regardless, we had quite the sizable pirate army before then. If you’ll remember the Kremean War, bear, where we slaughtered most of your kind?”

Bashmaster snaps out of laughter immediately and snarls. “Don’t you DARE joke about that!”

“Yet our entire island sinking is a funny joke. . .”

“We didn’t have anything to do with your stupid island! You lot killed most of my people!”

“Yet you said you intended to raid it anyway.”

“But we didn’t!”

K. Rool chuckles. “Well well, aren’t we selective with our morality? You obviously would have if possible.” He eyes Fredrik’s horn. “What could that device possibly be used for? A blunt weapon? Inferior to my hand canon.” He takes out his blunderbuss and fires a shot at the wall to showcase it, since he can’t actually shoot Fredrik anyway.

Fredrik starts laughing. “Cute, Kremling, real cute. This horn single handedly conquered Donkey Kong Island, I’ll have you know.” The camera cuts to K. Rool as he mentions “Donkey Kong” as his wonky eye goes wide, though he regains his composure as he clasps his hands and just watches. Fredrik proceeds to blow into his horn and create a gigantic ice dragon, which does an impressive loop de loop before shattering against the wall. The icicles would shatter all over the characters, but the barriers deflect them all of course.

K. Rool rubs his chin, smirking, as the last of the demonstration is shown. “If they really conquered Donkey Kong Island, I simply MUST have that horn. . .Best get into character.” He clears his throat. “My blunderbuss is far stronger than that thing, it can do more than create pretty ice sculptures. Why don’t you prove yourself if you’re so confident, hmmmm?” K. Rool sweeps his arm and turns towards the museum entrance.

Fredrik attempts to laugh, though he’s a bit out of breath from blowing into the horn. “Ahah. . .Ahah ha. . .You must have a death wish, Kremling. But I’m certainly not gonna convince you otherwise. C’mon, men!” They head to leave.

Bashmaster walks alongside Kudgel, grinning at him. “By the time we’re done with you, you Kremlings really WILL be extinct!”

Kudgel takes a bit to think of a reply, angry, but his expression quickly changes when he does. “Aye, because that’s EXACTLY how the Kremean war went, right?”

Bashmaster lets out a low growl as the camera pans over to Skowl and Krow, with Skowl extending out a wing to Krow. “You know, you’ve been awfully quiet during this whole exchange. . .You have no real ties to these Kremlings, do you?”. He places the wing on Krow’s back. “When all’s said and done, if you pledge allegiance to the Snowmads, I’m sure I could convince Lord Fredrik to spare such a magnificent bird as yourself.”

Krow shoves Skowl’s wing off and glares at him. “I’m a guy, you senile old fart.”

Skowl looks shocked at this news and hastily brushes himself off in disgust. “Curse my aging eyesight! You will pay dearly for this!”


Kamek and King Boo bump into DOOPLISS, who looks a bit depressed, as much as a living bed sheet can look depressed anyway.

King Boo is interested. “Young Duplighost, are you aware of who I am? I am the king of ghosts, including your kind.”

Doopliss sighs. “Most everybody is a king of something around here. My tricks aren’t even working.”

Kamek nods. “Your magics probably do not work just because of the neutrality zone within this building.”

Doopliss sighs again, though now it’s one of relief. “Oh, good, you two actually recognize it. Nobody takes me seriously!”

King Boo chuckles. “Well, you do have pretty bad taste in hats. . .” He adjusts his own crown, smirking, causing Doopliss to awkwardly take off his party hat. King Boo continues. “It matters little, you are welcome as one of my subjects.”

Kamek rubs his chin, pondering. “You are able to transform, correct? Like any other duplighost?”

Doopliss’ face lights up. “Oh, I can do better, I can steal people’s identities!”

“Marvelous. . .That won’t be necessary. All you have to do is copy this corpse for me.”

King Boo raises an eyebrow. “You wouldn’t be thinking of going back to Bowser?”

“Only temporarily. When night strikes, we’ll betray him in an instant.”

The king laughs. “Ooooohhhh, I like the way you think, Kamek. Can always appreciate some good trickery.”

The scene fades out and back in to the group going back to Lemmy’s corpse before Doopliss copies it, with Lemmy’s corpse fading into a purple shadow. King Boo applauds Doopliss, but Kamek can faintly hear Kammy’s voice and thunderous footsteps in the background, causing him to panic. He hastily buries the corpse with his terraforming magic before Bowser, Tubba Blubba, and Kammy then come out the door, with Kammy looking at Bowser as she explains. “Yes, THIS is where Kamek killed Lemmy. It’s OUTRAGEOUS, I tell you!”

Bowser can clearly see that “Lemmy” is alive and rolls his eyes. “Thanks for wasting my time, Kammy.”

Kammy is dumbfounded as she turns to actually look in front of her. “It. . .It must be some sort of illusion magic! He obviously killed him, why else would he bring him out beyond the neutrality zone barrier?!”

Kamek does his best to act on such short notice. “I suppose you wouldn’t know with how little magic you have, Kammy, but the zone prevents most magics from occurring. I came out here to teach the king’s son in the way of magics, and to do that I needed to come out here. We could still easily go back into the building if anyone came out to attack us.”

Doopliss is intelligent enough to play along. “Yeah, he taught me all kinds of magic!”

Bowser glares at Kammy who just stammers. “I. . .I-I. . .H-he attacked us, I-I-I swear! Lemmy is dead! That can’t be him!”

Bowser grabs Kammy with a free hand, lifting her up off the ground easily with the huge size difference. “What possible reason would you have to lie about this?!”

Kammy just stammers further before Kamek replies. “There was some titan of a man with one eye that passed by earlier. We had to go inside because of it. I think she tipped him off about where we were training and expected it to kill us.”

Bowser turns to Kammy, who can’t think of anything to defend herself, then turns to Tubba Blubba. “Look closely, heart, Tubba. This, this is what happens to traitors.” He proceeds to smash her over the head with his staff, turning her into a frog, then squeezes the frog within his hand to death as an audible “squish” is heard. Tubba cringes slightly at the sight of it, much to the annoyance of his heart. Bowser shakes frog guts off his hand before turning to King Boo. “So, King Boo. . .Is it still too early to earn your trust?”

King Boo folds his arms. “I’m not sure if you still can. . .”

Bowser grins. “Oh trust me, I think I know a way.” He walks over casually to Tubba Blubba’s side without turning his head, before doing a very quick grabbing motion to grab at Tubba’s heart which he’s holding in his hands. Tubba covers his heart with both his hands with surprisingly quick reaction time, holding it away from Bowser, before backing up to the door which he was already quite close to as he throws his heart inside, laughing.

The heart speaks from within a crack in the doorway. “What was that about what happened to traitors? Ohohohohoho, you really should’ve picked your allies more carefully, pal. . .Do you have any idea what you’ve just done? Any idea at all? He’s always invincible, and if I’m over here I’m invincible too, meanin’ there’s no possible way for you to hurt us!”

Tubba smacks his fists together, towering over Bowser by a good 3 feet and given a perspective shot to further exaggerate his size, grinning. “Looks like I’m gonna be the big show in town now.” He eyes King Boo and licks his lips, causing the Boo to spontaneously scream and phase through the wall to retreat.

Bowser mumbles something to himself. “Great idea it was allying with King Boo. . .”


Tubba Blubba (No Heart), Tubba’s Heart Vs. Wizard Bowser, Kamek, Doopliss (Starts in form of Lemmy, can leave it at will)

You have direct control over an invulnerable Tubba Blubba with an invulnerable AI heart partner that will constantly spam the “heart attack” move. If the AIs reach the far right side of the map, they will walk inside and exit the match. You must kill at least two of the enemies in this match, and the AI is banned from rolling to prevent them from spamming it to easily reach the door. Creating pits/goop to block them off and devouring foes are some of the best ways to go, and you have considerable leeway considering one of the foes is allowed to escape. It’s largely a match of target practice.


The camera cuts to another Lemmy being stomped to death by Tubba Blubba, after which he turns back into Doopliss upon death. Tubba realizes he’s a ghost and devours him gleefully afterwards. Bowser sees this as he turns back to look as fleeing from him, before glaring at Kamek. “I can explain! But first, we need to get to the front entrance and escape from tub of blub-”

Kamek is interrupted by Bowser clawing in his direction hastily. “Explain to Kammy and Lemmy!”


Wizard Bowser Vs. Kamek Vs. Tubba Blubba (No heart)

This is a scrolling stage where you play Bowser. Tubba largely functions as a stage hazard as you go to kill Kamek. Kamek’s AI will heavily abuse infinitely tall walls to try to trap you and Tubba Blubba in a cage match while keeping you inside, which is guaranteed death. If Tubba somehow gets killed by the stage, he will respawn with infinite stocks. Tubba is too tall to go through the barriers, so this will happen more often you’d think. Further adding insult to injury, Tubba will kill all of your boos on contact, though this can be used to manipulate Tubba as he will specifically head towards any Boos within 1.5 platforms of him.


The cutscene opens with Bowser already having grabbed Kamek, who gets ready to throw him at Tubba Blubba as fleeing from him. “I’M SORRY! JUST THINK, WITHOUT ME YOU’LL HAVE NOBODY LEFT!”

Bowser has to bother to think about this for a second, but resumes his wind up mid speech. “I’ll have King Boo, and you can apologize by delaying that fatso for me.” He flings Kamek into Tubba Blubba’s direction for Tubba to crush him to death with a belly flop. “Least now I won’t have to worry about getting betrayed.”

He easily manages to escape Tubba as the behemoth gets up and rips Kamek’s corpse off his stomach. When he approaches the entrance, though, it is unfortunately largely blocked off by a large scale battle between the Kremlings and Snowmads. “Three on three, huh? Convenient time to lose all my minions. . .Guess I’ll just loop back around the building.”

Bowser goes to act on what he said, and Tubba gives chase. He suddenly stops dead in his tracks when he hears his heart giving some sort of telepathic message, though. The camera cuts to the heart in the doorway to the front entrance, having a good view. “Hey, tubby, you already killed two of ‘em. You can let the big guy go.”

The camera cuts back to Tubba Blubba looking up at his forehead, not fully understanding how the communication works though obviously having used it before. “After all he did to us?”

“We’re in it to win it, big guy. These six guys over here? This is the perfect chance to take ‘em out. If you REALLY wanna be a big bad, you gotta go for the big prize. You get me?”

Tubba smirks and glances at Krow and Skowl. “I bet those flying chickens have got plenty more meat on them than the Boos.”

“That’s the spirit! Go get em’, champ.”


K. Rool, Kudgel, Krow Vs. Lord Fredrik, Bashmaster, Skowl Vs. Tubba Blubba (No heart)

You are given the choice to play as either the Kremlings or the Snowmads. It is significantly easier to win as the Snowmads due to having the overpowered Skowl rather than the underpowered Krow, though Krow’s AI is set to level 9 while Skowl’s is set to level 4 as compensation for the balance of the movesets. Two of the enemy team will be out at a time while you have to play your three characters one by one, so you largely have to make use of Tubba in order to win. The AIs will still target him for the first 15 seconds of the match before ignoring him and realizing he’s invulnerable.


We get some shots of the fight before Gluttony walks out through the open doors with his rib cage already extended. As Fredrik leaps into the air to do a titanic slam onto Krow, Gluttony goes to catch the gigantic walrus in his open stomach portal, causing him to fall in. Krow stares horrified at Gluttony before Tubba Blubba passes by, grinning, and shoves Krow out of the way. “Nothing can hurt ME, pal.”

Gluttony responds by charging up his rib cage cannon before firing a massive beam out of it, completely enveloping Tubba Blubba. The other characters just stare at the beam before seeing the indestructible Tubba Blubba be vaporized into nothing afterwards, then they break out into a run. Skowl and Krow most easily escape due to flight, but the other characters don’t have it so easy.


Gluttony (Boss mode) Vs. K. Rool, Kudgel, Bashmaster

Regardless of the fact that Gluttony spontaneously kills 5 characters, this is actually a remotely difficult fight, though quite fun in that you actually get to play the role of the boss.


ELESH NORN and Jin are seen watching Gluttony slaughter the remaining characters from the safety of the inside of the museum. Tubba’s Heart looks petrified as it slowly hops away from view in the background of the shot, what with having just lost his body. Norn is fairly worried about the situation. “How are we possibly supposed to kill that thing?”

Jin just clasps his hands eagerly. “Do you remember the demonstration that the host gave a while earlier? He’s quite dim. It’s possible that he could be manipulated for our purposes. . .”

“It would present tremendous risk to get even close to him, you realize.”

“Hence why we will converse with him inside the neutrality zone.”

“Even so, I doubt it actually cares for much beyond sustenance. It vaguely reminds me of Vorinclex. . .It is doubtful he could be kept under control.”

“It is possible that we may be able to genetically modify him here to give him obedience, at least if he is willing. I am still unaware as to how much the neutrality zone prohibits, but we shall soon find out.”

Gluttony comes back from his slaughter and retracts his rib cage, coming into the building as he pats his tummy, very satisfied. Jin reaches a hand out to Gluttony once he’s inside, beckoning him over. “Come, glutton. I promise you, there will be much food along the way. Many. . .Donuts, yes, that’s what he said. There will be many donuts.” He walks away along with Norn for Gluttony to follow, though Gluttony is panting like a dog with his tongue out over Norn.

She glares at Jin. “We will be getting rid of this behavior immediately.”

He chuckles. “His primitive thoughts of reproduction may prove useful. We still need to keep his loyalty for the immediate time being.”


ALBERT WESKER is seen moving about the museum, unsure of how to tackle the problem and having been thinking about a course of action for quite some time. He is accompanied by TYRANT, who closely follows behind him. Tyrant inhales in and out heavily, quite close to Wesker. “I really wish you wouldn’t do that so close. . .Whatever, undying loyalty is better than what some of the OTHER umbrella creations have.”

Wesker brings Tyrant into a closed off store room and points down to the ground, commanding him to dig. “This will be the only safe method of transportation during this hell.” While Tyrant does have some earth based powers and regularly bursts through things, this does prove difficult for him as he has to dig through solid concrete. He exits the store room before quickly looking to either side, leaving Tyrant to dig. “There is one that I could use. . .He seemed quite dim during the host’s introduction. And motivating him shouldn’t prove difficult when he cannot hurt me.”

Wesker moves on to find Sloth, who has been sleeping at the area where everybody was spawned since the beginning on his stomach. Wesker goes to kick him lightly, testing the neutrality zone, to confirm that it indeed still exists and blocks said kick. Wesker then simply moves down to his ear and shouts into it for him to wake up. This works, given it does no harm to Sloth in any way, and he lazily opens his eyes. The behemoth swats at Wesker as saying “Go away”, but his swat is blocked by neutrality.

Wesker continues talking to Sloth, loudly. “I think your name was Sloth? If you want rest, Sloth, you’re going to have to do what I say.” Sloth goes to get up, angered by this for obvious reasons, and goes to grab at Wesker, each time it being blocked. “You cannot hurt me, but I can do something very direct to hurt you. Now, if you want your rest, you’re coming with me.”

Sloth attempts to ignore Wesker, but Wesker just shouts at him again. Sloth eventually goes with Wesker begrudgingly to the storage room and goes into the pit Tyrant has already started. Tyrant goes to attack Sloth, but Wesker holds his hand in front of him to stop him. Tyrant attempts to help Sloth, but it becomes clear very quickly that Sloth is the superior digger, at which point Wesker just allows Tyrant to stop digging and enters the tunnel with Sloth. He has Tyrant seal the group inside the tunnel so nobody can casually follow after him, leaving the group in complete darkness. He takes out a flashlight and shines it on Sloth as continuing to follow after him.


Level 1

This level starts you at the top and has you make your way to the bottom. There are portions where you have to directly terraform your way downwards, and in this level the “slopes” just directly translate to destroying ground on certain destructible ground. There are worms from “The Revenge of Queen Worm” inside of a lot of the ground you have to destroy, along with corpses that animate to attack you.


Regardless of Sloth’s tunneling speed, he gets tired quite quickly, though it’s also very possible he’s just lazy. “What’s the hold up? Keep going.”

Sloth collapses onto his stomach. “Too tired. Need rest.”

“Then perhaps Tyrant can motivate you.” He beckons Tyrant over then points to Sloth. “Injure him, but don’t kill.” Tyrant does what his master commands with no thought involved, and goes to smash his giant hand upon Sloth.


Tyrant, Albert Wesker Vs. Sloth

You only play as Tyrant, with Wesker as a weak ally who largely wants you to do the work for him. Wesker has high AI and will rarely if ever die, and you won’t be penalized if he does “die”. Regardless, Wesker largely plays it safe.

Sloth heals 1% every 1.5 seconds, killing him is an instant loss, and your win condition is to make him reach 120%. Thankfully, Sloth’s AI is only level 4 due to his stupidity, so this isn’t especially difficult.


The cutscene starts Gluttony laying back on a table, getting up and letting out his trademark grin. Jin is quite visibly aggravated. “How was I supposed to know his flesh would regenerate back when I tried to replace it?!”

Norn has her arms folded. “You weren’t, but I told you this wouldn’t work.”

“It seems to be that red stone in his stomach that does it, it visibly pulsates when he’s regenerating. . .”

“Can we actually do anything with that information?”

“Not without significantly more time than what is allotted.”

“We probably need to actually focus on getting to a more strategic location. We’re ill prepared to fight so many of these people.”

“I suppose, but I refuse to simply abandon all of my work on this Gluttony project. We’ll take him along and I will resume work later.”

“How can you be sure he won’t turn on us once we leave the neutrality zone?”

“He’s an idiot and he likes you. You did also get those. . .Items. . .That I told you to get?”

“The donuts?”

Gluttony’s face perks up. “DONUTS? WHERE?!”

Jin sighs. “Now you see. . .”

Norn is equally annoyed and goes to give him a single one. She pats his head, visibly cringing to do so. Not out of fear, but out of how disgusting the notion is to her. “Good. . .Boy. You can have more later if you’re good. . .”

Jin resists the temptation to laugh for her sake. “Thank you, Norn. I know this is painful, but I assure you, the payoff will be well worth it. You saw his power before. Let’s get ready to move.”


HANNIBAL BEAN is seen sitting in a window sill, attempting to swipe open portals non-stop in quick succession. This lasts several seconds, and he’s clearly been at it for a while, grumbling to himself. The time of day can clearly be seen as night through the window, with previous cutscenes having taken place during the day. “Even made myself small so I’d only have to make a tiny portal to go through. . .And I STILL cannot make one portal anywhere off this lil’ ol’ island!”

He is suddenly approached by NATURE’S PROPHET, who towers over him given Hannibal is currently the size of a regular bean. “Struggling to teleport away?”

“First off, it’s portals, not teleportation. Entirely different. Second off, why do you care?”

“You are made of vegetation and thus part of nature, so you fall under my obligation to protect. Secondly, I was merely curious, as my teleportation will not take me off of this island either.”

“Well thanks for that informative report, there, nature boy. . .You get back to me if you find anythin’.”

The prophet nods before roots come up from the ground under him and he vanishes. Hannibal rolls his eyes before sighing, giving up. “Probably gonna be stuck here awhile. May as well see what the others are up to.” He starts opening up portals as brief showcases for some of the other characters. Wizard Bowser has reunited with King Boo, the Soldier’s group is off in the woods somewhere, and the Engineer’s group has an extensive defensive set-up. He has nothing to comment on these with, save for the last one. “Those folks might end up bein’ a problem. . .”

He opens a few random and uneventful portals before eventually stumbling upon RATIGAN lording over Kululu of the KERORO PLATOON, with the other three frogs seen bound and gagged in the background, with the fifth random ninja frog seen dead. The scene is taking place inside a crowded storage closet in some building other than the museum with canonical character sizes. The camera zooms in to show it directly instead of just through a portal. Kululu is busy at work constructing some kind of trap, while Ratigan inspects a recycled mouse trap. “You call THAT a trap? How will we kill the giants with something like THAT?”

“Well uh, I don’t have a lot to work with, sir!”

Ratigan, with some slight effort, picks up the mouse trap. “This is a MOUSE trap! I should know, they’re designed to kill mice like me.”

“Uuuhhh, but sir, aren’t you a rat?”


“Nothing, nothing, your lordship Ratigan mouse sir!”

“It’s become clear that I’m going to have to do most of the design here. . .Some mechanical genius you turned out to be.”

“I told you, I’m more of a tech guy. I need more to work with than-“

“Yes, yes, you and your fancy imaginary ‘computers’! I’ll believe it when I see one! Just keep working. . .” Ratigan moves over next to the hostages and puts a claw to Tamama’s neck, who squirms as much as he can with terror in his eyes. “Did I not make myself clear enough with my first example? I can always provide another if necessary.”

Hannibal then decides to jump through the portal, making his presence known. “Y’all are real useless in the long run, but seeing what you’re going for here I thought I might offer y’all a proposition. Y’see, the 24 hours still aren’t up, they won’t be for a while. We’ve got time while the ‘giants’ are asleep, where we can reprogram some of the human sentries.” He opens a portal to showcase the set-up of the Engineer’s group.

Kululu nods. “Yeah, that’s something I can do.”

Ratigan is aggravated, seeing as this more of a takeover than a partnership. “And why should I listen to you?”

Hannibal laughs. “Trust me, pal, there’s a lot I can do for ya. Aside from just these lil’ ol’ portals, I can turn to what you’d call giant size.” Hannibal portals up onto the door knob of the closet to open it and make some space, then uses the Moby Morpher to attain giant size, making the frogs horrified before he goes back down to regular size, laughing. “Now if this job gets done well, I might just find more employment for y’all.”

Ratigan glares at Hannibal as he goes to free his hostages, though is intelligent enough not to stop him. He doesn’t even bother to address Hannibal, directly talking to the frogs. “Once we’re done with the bean man’s business, it’s back to making the traps.”

Tamama giggles loudly. “Thanks for saving us, Mr. Bean!”

Hannibal visibly cringes at the joke that was just made, as well as the laughter. “Don’t make me change my mind. . .You’re gonna have to be quiet. This is a stealth mission. Understand?”

He nods frantically and does a zipping motion across his lips for Hannibal to roll his eyes. Giroro gives a short bow to Hannibal. “I apologize for my comrade’s behavior. Rest assured it’s a honor working under someone evil as yourself.”

Hannibal chuckles. “Flattery will get ya nowhere, son. Just do your job. Actions speak louder than words with me.” He opens the portal in front of the sentries, and the group proceeds to go through.


Level 2
Hannibal Bean, Ratigan, Keroro Platoon

The ninja obviously does not spawn for the entirety of the story mode, and for any story mode levels Giroro just follows Keroro along like Tamama to make movement easier and will not randomly attack him. Kululu is still in this level, and will show up regardless of your character as he works on sentries in the background and dismantling Beezwax’s explosives to get parts. He can still exchange items for you as usual, and shows up even if playing as a character other than him.

The level involves you platforming around the various sentries, explosives, and the inside of Beezwax’s truck. While there are no enemies, you can still die aside from falling in pits by waking up the characters of Beezwax, Krillin, Luke Atmey, and Sniper throughout the level, or by getting noticed and instant killed by the Engineer who is still hard at work throughout the night. You can also trigger some of the explosives if you land in the wrong places.


Everything seems to be going according to plan, but the camera zooms out to show PUTATA, the antagonist of the Keroro Platoon, rubbing his hands together eagerly as he sees them doing all this. He climbs up onto the sentry the group is currently on stealthily before yelling out to get the attention of the sleeping humans. Engineer is already awake and reacts first, turning to look at them. “Frogs sappin’ mah sentry!” He goes to swing his wrench on top of them, though the neutrality zone prevents it from actually hitting them.

Hannibal groans as he just stares at Putata in disbelief, then turns to the other frogs. “Friend of yours?”

Tamama hastily speaks up. “He’s not HALF the frog that Keroro is! He’s just doing this cause he’s JEALOUS!”

Putata just chuckles as Giroro speaks up. “. . .Even I know that’s not true, Tamama. . .”

Engineer does what little he can do with the neutrality zone up and moves the sentry to cause the group to fall off of it. This also causes Kululu to drop his remote control, which Putata quickly goes to steal from him. Hannibal opens up a portal to leave in mid-air, and Ratigan hastily swims through the air through it, blocking it for all of the frogs due to his obesity. By the time Ratigan is fully through, the other frogs have fallen a fair distance through the air. Putata, displaying his remote competence, kicks off of Keroro’s face to reach the portal, barely making it through before it closes.

By now, the rest of the Engineer’s group is also awake. Sniper points at them. “Bloody hell are these pipsqueaks? Are they actually participants?”

Engineer nods. “Yup. Didn’t think much of ‘em, but apparently they are. They were tryin’ to dismantle mah sentry!”

“Well how do we know the little wankers won’t just go at it again the moment we turn our guard? We can’t kill the rotten bastards.”

Luke Atmey goes and takes an open cardboard box before slamming it on top of the platoon, trapping them. “Zvarri! I have solved all of your problems. No need to thank me.”

Beezwax chuckles. “Really had to rack your brain to think of that one.”

He puts his hands on his hips. “Well you lot almost let them get away!”

Engineer comes over to the box and taps his wrench on it. “I know I heard ‘em speak before. I doubt that’ll hold ‘em the entire night. I guess one of us will have to go without shut eye.”

Beezwax strokes his beard. “Think I got an idea. . .” He goes into the back of his truck and rummages briefly before coming out with a bee cage. He place it down next to the box, then calls Krillin over. “When I say now, you open up the top of the cage. Got it, kid?”

Krillin shoots a glare at Beezwax. “Why do I have to do it?!”

“Cause you get to earn your keep, that’s why.” Beezwax picks up the box quickly, covering the top while it’s still upside down so the frogs can’t escape, then lifts it up over the bee cage. “NOW!” He flips open the box and dumps the frogs in, with Krillin hastily closing it after they do so. Krillin closes the top of the cage, though a few bees escape. He cringes when a couple go to sting him, though is relieved when they are stopped by neutrality.

The frogs just bounce around en mass inside of the cage, neutrality constantly pushing them away from the bees. Keroro quickly looks ill. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Tamama’s face is comically green as he says “I think I already am!” before he vomits and the puke awkwardly swirls around with them due to neutrality preventing it from hurting the bees.

Kululu counts on his hands. “We get to experience this for another 11 hours before our excruciatingly painful death!”

Giroro just stares at the puke, baffled. “I hate all of you.”

Krillin goes to go off a small ways from the rest of the group to avoid snoring and get back to sleep, curling up on his side. One of the bees that got out of the cage goes to swirl around his face constantly. He covers his ears, to which the bee in response just lands on Krillin’s head. “I wish this thing just stung me and it was over with. . .

The cutscene goes over to Hannibal, Ratigan, and Putata, who are off in another room. Hannibal vine arms are visibly trembling with rage. “If I’d had the foresight to portal us outside of the neutrality zone, I’d kill you right now.”

Putata just laughs again. “Look, think of it this way, I eliminated some competition for you!”

Hannibal laces his voice with thick sarcasm. “Oh gee, thanks, killing the three inch tall frogs, what an accomplishment! And what’s more, without the yellow one I can’t even control their firearms!”

Putata takes out the remote control. “I’m far more knowledgeable about this stuff than Kululu. I’ll be sure to use this to kill that group of humans.”

“You’d better, son, you’d better. . .” Hannibal uses the moby morpher to regain regular size, then opens up a portal, largely just to lose Ratigan and Putata.

Putata looks very interested. Ratigan speaks up. “What are you so interested in?”

“He became big only because of that machine. . .”

Ratigan’s face perks up as he rubs his hands together with a grin. “If WE could get that. . .”

“Yeah, we could become giants if we could take that from him. I admit, it’s kind of a big if, because we have no way to track him down.”

There’s a brief pause where neither say anything before Ratigan raises up his finger as he gets an idea. “Here’s what we’ll do. You don’t activate the turrets to fire on the humans to get Hannibal to come back to us. Hopefully, he’ll show up small in order to talk to us down on our level. He always has so far. Then. . .” Ratigan smacks an open palm with his other fist. “WHAM!”

“That could actually work. Until then, may as well get some rest. Doubt we’ll sleep for a while after neutrality goes down.”


Skowl and Krow are seen flying around in some abandoned campground, labeled as what is apparently “Camp David” by a sign in the background. Krow is more visibly shaken up than Skowl, who’s expression is stoic as usual. “How is anybody even going to take out that fat man with the rib cage? He killed all of our friends, and that other purple guy who was also supposedly invincible.”

“I’m sure the other participants will do a fine job of killing each other, Krow.”

“Do you think we should’ve. . .Y’know, tried to help them, back there?”

“You saw him. There was nothing that could be done. They would have wanted us to survive. Without me, there will be nobody to succeed Fredrik and take the Snowmad throne. . .The best candidate would be POMPY of all people.” He does the best he can to facepalm with his wing, sighing. “Regardless, I am the true leader the Snowmads deserve. The might of my winds are unmatched, Fredrik simply managed to claim ownership of that legendary own and used it to bring the walrus clan to dominance.”

“Isn’t it a little early to speak ill of the dead?”

“I suppose. Either way, for now, we need to be concentrating on our survival. We should really find some form of sustenance before resting for the night. These are actually my normal hunting hours. . .”

Krow spies a group of Illbleed eggs with arms moving around. “Well, those things are practically walking food.” Krow and Skowl dive down and easily dispatch of the eggs, but upon popping one of them open it is clearly rotten and inedible. Skowl continues dismantling them anyway for Krow to be fairly grossed out. “You actually intend to eat those?”

“No, but these will be the perfect ammunition for us to hunt down bigger game. Just like old times.” He grins.

“Oh, you’re fond of using your people’s unborn children to attack people?”

“. . .I suppose it is a bit crude, but-“

He chuckles. “Oh don’t worry, I can completely relate.”

The camera cuts to them flying back in the sky with eggs in tow before spying some giant worms coming up out of the ground. Krow licks his lips, while Skowl remains a bit more composed, then they dive down after them.


Level 3
Skowl, Krow

The meat of the level’s gameplay is a beat-em-up against worms and eggs, though there are actual platforming sections to connect them. The level eventually loops with respawned enemies, with the win condition of killing a certain quota of enemies of both types. Monkillers with hooks are also present and are the most powerful enemy, rather obnoxious considering killing them does not contribute to the win condition. If every enemy is killed, you won’t need to loop around the level at all, but there’s no arbitrary hunting for the handful you left alive.


The Soldier, Gaston, Waluigi, and Duke Oliver are seen hiking up some cliff. Oliver appears completely exhausted. “Please. . .We’ve been out for hours. HOURS! Have we done enough scouting, yet?”

The Soldier shakes his head. “Negative! We’ve still got a good 10 hours left before the neutrality zone goes down. Plenty of time to regroup at base camp!”

Gaston folds his arms before extending one out in Oliver’s direction condescendingly. “Look at this useless old man. He’s only weighing us down. We should probably just let him go.”

“He may be useless, but we never leave a man behind, soldier!”

Waluigi raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you the soldier?”

The Soldier promptly backhands Waluigi in the nose. “Do not backtalk me, private!”

Oliver pleads with the group leader. “Please, I am not abandoning the group, I would certainly never think of doing such a thing! Just allow me to go back to the camp early. I am just slowing you down for the time being. I do remember the way. . .”

Soldier sighs. “Fine, but don’t expect to get a free ride tomorrow, feudalist!”

Oliver heaves a huge sigh of relief as he goes to head back the way he came, heading down the cliff. The screen fades in and out for Oliver to be separated from the rest of the group fully before a single member of the GANADOS spies over the cliff face down at Oliver. Oliver attempts to ask him for directions, but he pushes a gigantic boulder down onto the cliff path after him.


Level 4
Duke Oliver

This is a chase level against a boulder in as stereotypical fashion as Resident Evil 4. It is quite difficult when playing as such a slow and useless character. Among other enemies, an actual Ganados will be mixed in on rare occasions.


Oliver manages to escape the boulder somehow, largely due to the incompetence of the trap set up by the mindless Ganados. He just sits down on a rock to rest for a while, not even caring about the thunderous footsteps he hears. He hears the catchphrase of “STAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSS” before NEMESIS spontaneously falls down from above in front of Oliver. Oliver falls off the rock onto his buttocks in shock, and crawls away on his hands and knees.

“Uuuuhhhh. . .Money for the poor? Oliver’s got the bling bling!” Oliver throws money in Nemesis’ face, which does nothing but mildly annoy him.


Nemesis Vs. Duke Oliver

Quite an easy Brawl, considering you’re a character with more superarmor than most boss sets.


Level 5
The Soldier, Gaston, Waluigi

This level spawns individual Ganados with highly reduced weight as regular enemies, amongst other ones actually coded as SSE enemies like the chainsaw variant. There is a point in the level where you have a regular Brawl against an actual “character” version of the Ganados with regular weight, though their AI is quite low making the fight still easy. The main threatening section is one before the end with a “Fighting Polygon team” of 10 Ganados characters, which translates to 50 actual Ganados. The actual end of the level parodies the bridge crossing from RE4, with Ganados throwing axes at you from the opposite side.


The cutscene showcases Soldier, Gaston, and Waluigi on the bridge, dealing with the axe throwing Ganados. Soldier fires his rockets at them, Waluigi throws bob-ombs, while Gaston makes use of a bow and arrow due to his gun being fairly short range. While it seems that the last of the Ganados have been killed. Eventually, a rocket is fired at the opposite end of the bridge, causing them to all start falling. Gaston shoots a look at Soldier immediately before his impending death, demanding an explanation. “Why did you shoot THERE?!”

Soldier retorts that he didn’t, and as they fall they look up at the other side of the bridge where they came from to find Nemesis standing there menacingly with his rocket launcher with a perspective shot exaggerating his size. Luckily for the group, they land in a lake and are largely unharmed. Nemesis sees this and squints at them with his single eye for his only real form of expression, then walks away.


Level 6
The Soldier, Gaston, Waluigi

This level starts somewhat similarly to the level with Skowl and Krow, but the enemies are more of a nuisance considering you don’t have to kill any of them. This is only for the first leg of the level, though, as you eventually reach the small town while still playing the level where there are a fair amount of Illbleed style traps waiting for you, with the enemies consisting of dummy/meat men.


The Soldier’s group eventually arrives at an apparently abandoned inn. They look through what they can at the front desk to try to find a map, but nothing of use is found. Soldier eventually just leaves to head up the stairs. “Well, men, I’ll be honest with you. We’re completely and utterly lost. There’s no way we’re making it back to camp within the time limit, and we don’t want to be exhausted for the war when it comes. Consider the recon mission complete. We’ll be getting up at O’eight hundred hours.”

Gaston goes to follow after him, but Waluigi is more unsure. “Allow Waluigi to do a more full search of the area. It may not be safe.”

Gaston shrugs. “Be my guest. You’re wasting your sleep when Soldier will have us up bright and early. The place is abandoned.”

Waluigi heads down into the basement to find an elaborate set-up for baseball practice, with an entire miniature diamond ring. ”Tennis is my specialty, but any sport’s good fun. May as well get some practice to get my mind off things.” He goes to turn on a pitching machine and goes up to bat, but MR. BANBALLOW enters the room, shouting “JIMMMMMYYYYYY!”.


Mr. Banballow Vs. Waluigi

There is a hazard in the center of the arena in the form of the pitching machine. Aside from firing projectiles every which way, it can block Waluigi’s projectiles, while you can still attack through it with your long range melee game from the gas canister and hose.


Banballow chases Waluigi around the room with a flamethrower, but Waluigi eventually decides to man-up when cornered and goes to wrestle the flamethrower away from him, pushing it away so it doesn’t burn him in the face. Waluigi actually manages to take the flamethrower and turns the tables due to Banballow’s decrepit status actually making him more frail rather than giving him super strength. Banballow flees and gets behind the out of control pitching machine, though, and turns up the setting and starts firing it at Waluigi. Waluigi is knocked back into the corner from the force of the baseballs, proceeding to get battered horribly. Banballow keeps firing well after Waluigi is dead, laughing about it. He eventually goes to retrieve his flamethrower, digging Waluigi out from the mountain of baseballs, but frowns when he finds that he’s destroyed his mediocre home made flamethrower.


Skowl and Krow are now in a small town area at the edge of Camp David, passing up signs for slasher films starring Sideshow Bob and Freaky Fred. They look around before Skowl speaks first. “The place looks abandoned. Not surprising. Good a place as any to rest.”

They eventually head into a building, but it of course happens to be the only one with somebody inside. They meet a bearded old man, David Rodriguez, who speaks in a very whimpering and badly acted voice. “Ooooh, what do you want here, Mr. Owl?”

“Rest. We’ll be gone in the morning.”

“That will be no problem. . .Come in, come in!”

The birds enter the building. Skowl just follows the man, but Krow is quickly driven off track when he sees a container of worms and promptly goes to dig in. David hastily pulls Krow back and yells at him. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Those were my prime merchandise! How will I ever afford to feed my dear Rachel now?! You better be planning to pay for those!”

Krow just laughs at him and resumes, and Skowl shortly thereafter joins him. David is furious and goes to retrieve a flamethrower, attempting to burn Skowl and Krow alive. They actually do catch fire and are forced to leave the building, and David continues to chase them out the back door into the drive in theater where they encounter QUEEN WORM.


Skowl, Krow Vs. Queen Worm, David Rodrigeuz (Mr. Banballow clone)

A generic worm enemy will spawn every 20 seconds to aid the queen, aside from just the minions that she can spawn. Queen Worm actually plays surprisingly defensively here and uses terraforming intelligently, making this a rather difficult match. The win condition only requires you to kill Queen Worm, though, not David or any of the minions.


David manages to torch Krow alive, laughing maniacally, before going to do the same to Skowl. Skowl redirects the fire into Queen Worm, though, causing her to squeal in pain and be incinerated. David is horrified at this, but refocuses his efforts on Skowl, who flees off towards the Banballow inn. David pursues and sets fire to the whole building. He laughs pathetically at this before glancing back at Queen Worm’s corpse. “Don’t worry, Rachel, I’m coming to be with you!” He takes out a pistol before shooting himself with it. It doesn’t take long thereafter for an even further disfigured and burned Mr. Banballow to come and take David’s flamethrower afterwards, then grin and head back into the building.


Level 7
The Soldier, Gaston

This level has you escape the burning inn as it collapses in on you, dealing with the direct implications of that along with yet more enemies from Illbleed’s “Home Run of Death”. You’ll eventually fall through one portion of the level into the basement where Waluigi was killed, and have to make your way past the pitching machine as a hazard.


The Soldier, Gaston Vs. Skowl Vs. Mr. Banballow


The Soldier kicks Banballow into the fire with his boot, causing him to burn alive, while Gaston fires his shotgun to finish the overpowered monster that is Skowl, as he can’t really fly away in such cramped quarters.

They leave the building, Gaston panting. “Guess Waluigi was right about there being stuff to look out for.”

Soldier turns back to look at the burning building and salutes. “Your sacrifice won’t be in vain, Waluigi. You were a true soldier. . .”

“We have more pressing matters than him. I can vaguely remember seeing that bloated owl back at the museum, meaning there could be other participants out here. This is in no way safe.”

“Affirmative. We need to regroup at base camp. Who knows if the duke survived on the way back. . .”

They go to head back, passing through the drive in theater. The ghost of Queen Worm rises up from the ground, fairly harmless looking as it squeals like a baby, but Krow’s ghost, heavily exaggerated in size, comes up next and devours it whole in a gorey fashion while the camera covers away. The camera cuts back to Krow as he is now covered in caked blood and maggots, then he roars at the characters as the loading screen comes up.



The Soldier, Gaston

Krow has 800 HP and is roughly 1.6x the size of Bowser. It’s a walk off, but there are a handful of destroyed cars that serve as platforms throughout the arena. Krow’s movement pattern when not attacking has him hovering a Ganondorf height off the ground, and he also patrols the stage horizontally at Ganondorf’s dash speed when not attacking. A worm will spawn out of the ground as a random enemy in a random location once every 18-32 seconds.


Unborn Ammunition: Krow goes off the top blast zone (Annoyingly dodging an attack sometimes) before coming down with an egg. The egg falls fairly slowly, but deals 16% and knockback that KOs at 120% on contact. Upon landing on the ground, the egg will bounce and move in the direction of your character, going back into the air a Ganondorf before coming back down the first time, losing momentum with each bounce. The egg can oftentimes bounce over the car platforms to pursue you. After the 3rd bounce, the egg will explode and 3 minions will come out, a random mix of ghostly mini neckies and egg men with arms from Illbleed which have been seen in previous levels. The egg men are much more powerful and durable, but the ghost neckies can pursue you past cars. This attack cannot be shielded.

Earthstomper: Krow stomps downwards with some (Read: any) starting lag, dealing 25% and spiking foes as well as pitfalling them on contact with the ground. Landing on the ground causes the entire screen to earthshake for just slightly shorter than the wait time before Krow can perform his next attack. The entire ground becomes a hitbox that deals 10% and KOs at 175%.

Bloody Beak: Krow does a sudden divebomb to grab you with his talons. If you are in the middle of attacking him, this will always get you, as there’s no telegraph to this attack. If he’s not on top of you, you can obviously dodge as you see him coming, flying at you at Meta Knight’s dash speed. Upon a successful grab, Krow goes to carry you off the top blast zone, killing the average button masher at 80%. If successful, blood will rain down from the top blast zone as you can hear Krow eating you, healing Krow of 65%. If you escape, Krow will either wait 0.2 seconds before immediately using this attack again or earthstomper, after which he will resume the regular boss pattern.

Scavenger’s Feast: If you are actually hit by a bouncing egg, it will splatter the contents rather than creating minions, creating a mess on the floor. This is a tripping trap the width of Wario that lasts until Krow randomly decides to feast upon it, which will heal him of 2.5% per tenth of a second, taking 2 seconds in full to devour it. This is not hard to out damage, especially with the gap Krow has between attacks. Krow will not bother to use this on a splattered egg unless a minion is within a Bowser width of what he’s eating or two are that close to you in order to occupy you.

Blown Away: Krow moves at Meta Knight’s dashing speed to get on your vertical level and to stay half a platform in front of or behind you, whichever is further from the nearest edge. After half a second, Krow flaps his wings harshly at you to create a wind hitbox to push you back just slightly faster than you can dash, and continues doing it for 3 seconds. If you get your back to a solid car platform, you can’t be killed by this, though this will also blow around non worm minions into your face. Unfortunately this won’t kill them, as they’ll come back if blown off the side blast zone. If you’re close to either edge of the map, this attack is quite threatening as you have to rush to get behind a car before it begins. This will come up more often than you’d think, as Krow’s default movement pattern means you’ll eventually get lured there to damage Krow. Ignoring Krow when he moves there is incredibly annoying, especially when he can heal.

Tornados: Krow starts flapping in place and starts forming a tornado, then pushes it into you with wind powers at Mario’s dashing speed. Krow proceeds to make 3 more after that in quick succession. The tornado vanishes on contact with the ground/a car, and cannot be shielded. The tornados are the size of those on N64 Hyrule Temple, and deal 13 hits of 1% and flinching and vertical knockback that KOs at 200% on contact. While weak, if you get hit by the first one some of the others will likely also hit, functioning as Krow’s best damage dealing attack. If they chain you long enough, you can potentially still be in the air when Krow’s cooldown period has passed, making it dangerous for Krow to use this attack again or Bloody Beak. If you are high in the air, Krow will very rarely use Earthstomper.

Desperation Attacks:

Cannibalism: When Krow passes over a minion or is otherwise within a Bowser width of it and not attacking, there is a chance that he will perform bloody beak down towards it. If he hits a foe, he will simply perform that attack normally. If he grabs the minion, he will devour it, healing him with little to no lag. Eggs heal 100 HP, worms heal 80, and mini neckies heal 50. There is a higher chance of him going for this at lower health, and the odds also increase if the minion would heal him for more. Krow’s cooldown to use a regular attack does not have to have expired yet for him to have to use this attack. The timer pauses when Krow uses this, then resumes where it left off once Krow is done. If Krow decides to use Bloody Beak, there is a smaller chance that if the foe is between Krow and a minion, that Krow will make the minion the primary target of the move. Mini Neckies still performing Kamikaze are valid targets for this move.

Kamikaze: Krow points towards the foe, causing 3-6 Mini Neckies (More at lower health, though the sixth only spawns with 100 HP or lower) to come in from the side blast zone closest to the player at the same vertical level as them. The Mini Neckies fly after the foe at Captain Falcon’s dashing speed, phasing through any cars in the way with their ghost status. Upon contact with the foe, they explode, dealing 10% and knockback that kills at 160%. If any miss, they’ll wait two seconds before swooping in from the opposite blast zone. If any miss twice, they’ll come back out from the original blast zone after another 2 seconds and function as standard minions. Their weakness is shields, which will still cause them to blow up. They deal fairly small shield stun and damage individually, but they can chain into each other and if all of them connect will destroy a shield. Ideally, you’ll want to shield the later half of them to prevent them from becoming minions later. If any Mini Neckies are already out, they will fly towards you from their current position, then swoop back for another pass and become a minion again.


We are shown the outside of a sawmill with several woodcutters from Illbleed. Several roots come up from the ground before Nature’s Prophet appears. He sees a truck loaded with lumber and almost looks ill with how much raw disgust he has for this. He turns to look at the woodcutters and glares at them, narrowing his eyes, before stepping up. “What is the meaning of this?!”

A woodcutter lifts his axe up onto his shoulder and turns to Nature. “Meanin o’ what now?”

“Why are you murdering all of these innocent trees? You kill mere saplings, as well as the defenseless elderly!”

“We just do what the tree tells us to do, gov’nah. ”

This infuriates Nature. “You dare mock that which cannot speak? Well now I am here, and I speak for the trees – you will see Nature’s Wrath for this travesty!”


Level 8
Nature’s Prophet

This level has you go inside the saw mill and features woodcutters almost exclusively as the enemies. There are several bundles of lumber throughout the level that you can animate into treants without any charge time. You’ll largely need them, as this level is largely a massive beat’em’up, and scrolls to prevent you from gaining infinite set-up time.


Nature manages to make his way to TRENT himself, who is furious with the prophet. Nature gets the first word in. “It is alright, ancient one. I have killed those who wish to harm you.”

Trent flails his roots about. “Harm me? Those were my woodcutting slaves! And you killed them!”

Nature is baffled by this. “Why would a tree run such an unspeakable place of evil?! You of all people should realize the nature of what’s going on here! I came to save the trees!”

“I do – this originally used to be a place of murder. . .It still is, but I have enslaved the woodcutters and bound them to my will. They are forced to serve me for the rest of their lives in order to repent for the atrocities they have committed! This is still a place of murder – but here, we murder humans!”

Nature grins. “I am most impressed with what you have done here. Please accept my apologies. . .”

“Do not worry, you only killed slaves. They were expendable, and they served a good purpose in granting me your allegiance.”


Jin, Norn, and Gluttony are seen walking up in front of a saw mill. A handful of woodcutters are seen walking around, with the camera zooming in on the blood on one of their axes. Norn turns to Jin. “This could be a place to stay. It is doubtful that those ordinary humans could prove a threat to us.”

Jin isn’t entirely convinced. “They may have supplies I could use, but I am unsure if staying in a building will be more likely to get us found by the other actual participants. It’s a risk.”

Gluttony licks his lips at the sight of the woodcutters. “Can I eat them?”

Norn looks down at Gluttony without directly responding to him. “He’s probably going to decide for us. Everything presents risks, and I’m running out of. . .Ahem, ‘items’, anyway. It may be for the best.”

Gluttony runs off and Norn and Jin follow after him.


Level 9
Jin Gitaxias, Elesh Norn, Gluttony

This level takes place outside the saw mill, and actually starts you out in the forest surrounding the place. Aside from the woodcutters upon reaching the saw mill itself, there are treants of various shapes and sizes as enemies, along with roots protruding from the ground.


Level 10
Albert Wesker, Tyrant, Sloth

We cut back to this group with no cutscene, as they aren’t doing anything new from when we last saw them. They’re still tunneling away towards an undetermined location. This level is horizontal rather than downwards, and the breakable ground can be destroyed by any attacks, not just Sloth’s terraforming. While there are still occasional worms, the primary enemies you’re dealing with here are roots, becoming more and more numerous and larger in size throughout the level. The level is very long to make use of your stocks and very heavy characters, representing the long ways the group had to go to get here. The end of the level actually has you going up, with it ending once you reach the area above ground.


Sloth burrows up in front of the saw mill when the other group is also there. Of all the characters to possibly point this out, it’s surprisingly Gluttony, who calls out Sloth’s name and waves before Wesker and Tyrant also come out. Sloth mutters an annoyed “hello. . .”, not especially happy or really caring at all about seeing him again.

Jin and Norn come over to Gluttony’s side and see the other group, much to the annoyance of both. Wesker is the one we actually pan over to, though, as he angrily pounds the ground with his fist as his upper torso comes up out of the hole. “Damn! They’ve got that thing. Tyrant, you hold them off. Sloth, we’re going.” Wesker goes back into the hole, with Sloth groaning and jumping back down in it after him. Tyrant just stands there menacingly before slowly approaching the group.


Tyrant Vs. Jin Gitaxias, Elesh Norn, Gluttony

All 3 characters are out at once, and you’re tasked with simply surviving for 30 seconds. Doing it with Tyrant may seem difficult when he’s so slow to attack, but you don’t have to actually kill any of these characters, just survive. Making heavy use of Tyrant’s superarmor is the most obvious thing to do, though you can also make use of your shield before breaking it for the boost and try to block off ways to kill you with your weaker terraforming.

The AIs consist of level 8 for Jin, 6 for Norn, and 3 for Gluttony. The most UP character has the best AI, while the best has the worst AI. You have to be a bit careful to not get combo’d by Jin, as while his combos requires set-up it’s difficult for you to punish it with two other enemies. If all else fails you can potentially enter Gluttony’s stomach dimension at high percentages to survive, as the level 3 AI will generally be too stupid to close it for several seconds.


Tyrant of courses loses the fight, and ultimately gets devoured by Gluttony before he closes his rib cage. Regardless, Tyrant served his intended purpose, as Wesker and Sloth are long gone. Norn goes to stare down the hole. “Should we bother going after them?”

Jin comes over with her and also looks down. “I’m not sure if I would even fit in there, they’ve already had a lot of time, and they made the tunnel. There’s no way we’d ever catch them.”

“They know our location. We can’t stay here.”

“Is it really that much of a problem? That human was terrified of us, so I doubt he’ll come back.”

“He could bring more people.”

“I suppose. . .Fine, we’ll find some place else.”

They’re interrupted when they hear the sounds of a woodcutter screaming in pain, and they both turn back to notice Gluttony has already moved on and is out of sight inside the building. Norn goes to go after him. “We might have to wait until he’s done.”

Jin folds his arms. “Whatever, there can’t be that many more of them.”


Hannibal Bean spontaneously portals into the saw mill in his larger form next to Nature’s Prophet. “So how’ve things been, nature boy?”

“Better than ever. I have found a new master to serve who will better allow me to protect nature, including you.”

A woodcutter runs into the room. “Oi! Prophet, we’ve got intruders hackin’ our men to pieces!”

Nature turns to Hannibal. “Care to join me? I will demonstrate my new power if you doubt it.”

Hannibal shrugs. “Sure, may as well eliminate some competition.”

The two teleport/portal straight to said intruders without a transition, with Hannibal dropping in from above and the Prophet sprouting up from below.


Jin Gitaxias, Elesh Norn, Gluttony Vs. Nature’s Prophet, Hannibal Bean

You get 3 stocks, but you have to play your characters one at a time while they’re both out at once. While Hannibal can do some degree of set-up, Nature’s is much more extensive, making him the larger candidate to focus first.


Hannibal gets devoured by Gluttony. This prompts Nature’s Prophet to teleport out, just barely managing to finish channeling before Norn kills him.

We’re actually shown the insides of Gluttony’s stomach dimension for the first time as Hannibal gets dumped there. It is an endless realm of nothingness with ankle high blood to wade through. Hannibal immediately hears a low growl before Tyrant pounds down on Hannibal’s current position with his giant arm. Hannibal frantically portals out of the way on reflex, leaving Tyrant far, far behind.

Hannibal opens up several more portals, showing nothing but more of the same. He continues opening them before mumbling “nothin’. . .” every time he opens one, but he eventually sees one that interests him. The camera does not show what he sees, just his reaction.


K. Rool, Kudgel, Lord Fredrik, Bashmaster, and Tubba Blubba’s body are seen walking aimlessly, largely exhausted. Kudgel looks to be in the best shape. “How long we been walking?”

K. Rool does a dismissive hand motion. “It feels like it’s been DAYS.”

Bashmaster groans. “It hasn’t been that long, but we’re not gonna find anything. This is probably some form of afterlife.”

Fredrik sighs and just sits down to take a rest. “At least. . .” He takes a pause to catch his breath. “At least Skowl and your bird are still alive. They’ll carry on the legacies of the Snowmads and the Kremlings.”

K. Rool rolls his eyes and speaks in blatant sarcasm. “Oh yes, I’m sure KROW will do a FINE job. . .”

Kudgel stares at Fredrik sitting down. “Y’know, if there really is nothin’ in here, we’ll probably end up eatin’ each other.”

Bashmaster grins. “If nothing else, we can settle the score we had earlier, heh. . .”

“Aye. It was a good fight till tubbo’lardo and that ‘bomination interfered.”

Tubba Blubba laughs. “If anybody’s eating anybody, it’ll be me. I’m invincible, remember?”

Suddenly and without warning, a portal opens up for Hannibal Bean to view the group through. Kudgel is the first one to notice it as his good eye immediately notices it from the void of nothing. He leaps up at the portal. Hannibal panics and goes to close it, but Kudgel gets to it and manages to drag Hannibal out before it closes, falling back down. “Who are you?! Where are we? Speak!”

The others are already all gathered around, with Fredrik getting there last as he gets up off his tush. “I vaguely recognize him. Think he’s one of the participants. Were you eaten?”

Hannibal stops squirming and just speaks. “Yeah, fine, I was.”

“If you can make those. . .Could you possibly get out of this place? Get US out of this place, even?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to see what this place even was before I just up and left. Guess I’ll let y’all out, seein’ I don’t have much of a choice. You can pay back the debt later.”

Hannibal bothers to make a portal for the larger group of characters to fit through. They don’t even think to question it and hastily run through, with Kudgel letting go of Hannibal once out. They show up directly next to Gluttony, though. Jin hastily points at them, dumbfounded at the characters materializing out of thin air. “What?! I thought he ate them!”

K. Rool drums his fingers against the wall. “Oh, well isn’t this great. Now we just get to get eaten again.”

Jin eventually shakes his head, getting over it. “I don’t care how they got out, just eat them again! Be done with it!”

Gluttony doesn’t feel the proper motivation, busy eating the corpse of a woodcutter. Regardless, a few seconds later Nature’s Prophet teleports into the room, and an army of treants enter. Hannibal portals off to go to his side, forcing the characters to deal with a more immediate threat.

They begin fighting, though Tubba Blubba just watches, as he’s busy talking with his heart. While we don’t see him, his heart’s voice can be heard talking to him from afar. “So that’s what happened? Well, don’t mattah, so long as you’re alive, I’m happy at this point. Get your sorry butt back to the museum pronto. Horde of trees? Who cares! Just plow on past ‘em, they can’t hurt you. That Gluttony kid can, though. So forget him, just c’mon back to me.”

Tubba nods, not that his heart can see it. “You got it, boss! Might take me a while to get back though, considering I’ve got no idea where I am. . .” He goes past the trees as the others fight, leaving the area and presumably the building.


Jin Gitaxias, Elesh Norn, Gluttony, K. Rool, Kudgel, Lord Fredrik, Bashmaster Vs. Nature’s Prophet, Hannibal Bean

You have four stocks, and a single character you didn’t pick will spawn as a computer ally at level 5. A horde of enemies from the platforming levels are spawned at the start of the level, mostly various treants, though some woodcutters and dummy surgeons are mixed in. Treants will continue to spawn so long as Nature’s Prophet is alive, making him the obvious target to kill first once again. He focuses less on set-up and more on supporting the minions already out, with his AI putting self preservation at the top of his priority list to make him camp very heavily.


Upon the fall of the last of the treants, both Hannibal and the prophet make their escapes. Jin looks every which way. “Where’d Gluttony go?!” He turns to Norn. “You were supposed to watch him!”

“I’m not his keeper. . .”

“You have the box of donuts, do you not?”

“He doesn’t care about it in here with so many bodies. Just keep calm, nothing can kill him. This will only prove a minor nuisance.” They run off together in an attempt to find him.

The Kremlings and Snowmads largely just watch before Fredrik goes to head in the opposite direction. “I dunno about you guys, but I want as much distance between me and that ‘Gluttony’ guy as possible. Let’s just find a way out.”

K. Rool rolls his eyes, but says nothing. “Such insight. . .Shouldn’t that go without saying?

The group goes to head in the opposite direction, and enters a room with two lines and a woodcutter at a booth. “Oi, you lot lookin’ to join the competition? You lot look like you’d be in the woodcutter’s side, aye? It’s right through that door!”

K. Rool puts his palm over his eyes lightly. “No, no. . .We’re just looking for the way out.” He painstakingly drags his hand off of his snout.

“Oh, the way out is right through that door!” He points through the same door.

“But of course. . .” He goes to walk through the door, along with the rest of the group.

Bashmaster gives K. Rool a weird look. “You’re complaining an awful lot for a man who was dead just a few minutes ago. Least we’re alive.”

The last of them goes through, but the camera doesn’t follow them, instead staying with the woodcutter. Jin Gitaxias and Norn come into the room after a few seconds, Jin too out of breath to talk. Norn looks around before addressing the woodcutter. “You, have you seen a bald obese human male about this tall?” She raises her hand a certain height.

The woodcutter nods. “That I have, miss. He went thattaway.” He points to the door for the woodpuppets.

Norn and Jin go to head through the doorway. The woodcutter takes out some pamphlets and goes to hand them to Norn. “Wait, wait, ya forgot something!”

Norn passes him by, but quickly comes back. It looks like she’s going to take the pamphlets as she reaches out to the man’s extended hands. “You’re right, I did.” She promptly kills him, then heads back through the door.


Level 11
K. Rool, Kudgel, Lord Fredrik, Bashmaster

This level is a maze, and introduces the woodpuppet enemy. Upon killing them, a dummy man will pop out as a secondary enemy for you to kill. The woodcutters in this level will prioritize nearby woodpuppets over you, though if there aren’t any nearby they’ll still attack you.


Level 12
Jin Gitaxias, Elesh Norn

This level is significantly harder than the last, as before you even get to the maze you have to go through a long section of traps. If you fall in any of the coffins, you’ll get turned into a woodpuppet for the remainder of the stock, having the same effect as within Trent’s moveset. The maze itself is far more difficult as well, as the woodcutters won’t ignore you in this level and will target you over any other woodpuppets if you have the status effect. They are extremely numerous here, and the woodpuppets will also be hostile to you whether or not you’re one of them.


The Kremlings and Snowmads are about to reach the end of the maze, but they bump into Gluttony in a woodpuppet suit. He seems even stupider than usual and isn’t going on any of his usual killing sprees, repeatedly bumping into walls and making obnoxious baby-like noises. Kudgel grabs onto him and rips off some of the woodpuppet costume before Bashmaster goes to smash him over the head, knocking him out.

K. Rool laughs. “Alright, Bashmaster. NOW, I’m happy.”

Bashmaster chuckles along with him. “Give me a moment to finish him.” He and Kudgel smash him to largely nothing with their hammer and club, but he keeps regenerating from the wounds without dying.

K. Rool taps his foot after a bit, and then puts his hands on his hips. “What’s the hold up?! Kill his worthless carcass already!”

Kudgel shrugs. “No can do. We’re smashin’ hard as we can! He just keeps regeneratin’!”

K. Rool shoves Kudgel out of the way. “IMBECILE! Do I have to do everything myself?!” He goes to take Kudgel’s club from him and does a good hard swing of his own, but Gluttony still regenerates none the less. K. Rool throws a tantrum, jumping up and down and spouting incomprehensible words.

Lord Fredrik can’t help but laugh a bit at K. Rool’s expense. “Our men took him out easy this time. I don’t think he’s gonna be something to worry about.” He motions off behind them where more woodcutters are coming. “We should really go.”

K. Rool groans. “UUUUUUUUURRRRGH. Fine, but if we get eaten again, I’m blaming it entirely on you, Freddy!”

They leave the area, and the woodcutters are perfectly content to hack and slash at Gluttony’s body. After a few seconds of this, Jin shows up. He doesn’t actually stop them, but instead just watches them attack Gluttony’s corpse. Norn shows up next and goes to kill them immediately. “Any reason you were just watching all of that? You’re the one who thinks he’s going to be so useful, Jin.”

“I was observing his regenerative ability. . .It’s greater than I thought. He was in no actual danger.” He goes to pick up his corpse. “Come on, let’s find a better place to operate. I imagine there will be a lot more I can find while he’s unconscious.”


The cutscene starts in Trent’s room, with Hannibal looking into a portal to observe the Kremlings and Snowmads before quickly closing it. “They’re gonna get here reeeeeeal soon, boys. I reckon this ship’s about to sink.”

The prophet goes down on one knee in front of Trent. “I am sorry I have failed you, great one.”

Trent looks down upon Nature sternly. “There is still one possible way for us to defeat these vile creatures. . .”

“I am yours to command. Ask and it shall be done.”

“Then this will be the ultimate test of your loyalty, prophet. Allow me to consume you in order to further boost my own power.”

Trent opens his mouth wide, and Nature goes to approach him. “Finally, I will become one with nature. . .” He sticks his head into Trent’s mouth before the tree promptly devours him. Hannibal stares in absolute disbelief, jaw dropping rubbing his eyes with his vine arms to try and make sure he’s not seeing things.

The camera eventually goes back to the tree once the prophet has been devoured. The many random branches above Trent retract into his body before two simple branches come up from either side, comparable to the horns of Nature’s Prophet. Trent’s mustache grows into a full beard before turning dark green in color. The tree laughs, now with the voice of the prophet. “This is far better than I could have ever imagined! Join us, bean!”

Hannibal just chuckles nervously. “Eheh. . .Heh. . .Yeah, y’know what? I’m out. Done. You have fun with those guys.” Hannibal portals out, with the Kremlings and Snowmads arriving shortly afterwards.


K. Rool, Kudgel, Lord Fredrik, Bashmaster Vs. Trent/Nature’s Prophet

You get to pick two characters, with the second one replacing your first on death. The two characters you don’t pick will function as level 9 allies.

The primary moveset you’re playing against is Trent, but he also has access to the specials and smashes of Nature’s Prophet. Performing a move that belongs to the Prophet does not give any lag to Trent, able to perform other moves during this time. Stunning him will still prevent him from using Nature’s moves. The Prophet’s recovery improves Trent’s durability to near godhood, making it mandatory to interrupt him. Nature’s usmash will spawn blood instead of the usual rain, which functions the same but will linger on the stage if none of Nature’s constructs absorb it, letting Trent absorb it with his regular moveset. This is undoubtedly one of the hardest fights in the story mode, and easily tops Krow.


Level 13
Elesh Norn

This level takes place underneath the saw mill on one of the operating tables for woodpuppets. Jin is in the background operating on Gluttony, and you have to defend his 80 HP for a certain amount of time from incoming enemies. The gap between the waves enables you to attain some set-up while waiting, though Norn doesn’t need much. The most common enemies here are dummy man surgeons and woodpuppets, though woodcutters will also show up and are more common in later waves. Dummy men that show up without any sort of costume will go directly for Jin, ignoring you, and the enemies become numerous enough in the final wave this can get quite obnoxoious.


Norn is fairly tired out, turning around to Jin who laughs maniacally and shouts “I’ve got it!”. Jin is seen holding Gluttony’s red stone core high in the air, already having ripped it out of Gluttony. Gluttony’s now fully dead body falls off of the table. Jin consumes the core and enters his usual hunched pose from his card, then cries out in pain. He grows in size, but not in height, becoming far less anorexic and having a more standard design. Gluttony’s rib cage sprouts from his torso, stretched to match the Praetor’s towering height. “BEHOLD.” He immediately attempts to use the Gluttony Beam, firing it through a wall due to the massive range.

“Guess this was worth it after all. Regardless, you’re lucky that it didn’t just kill you.”

“This was a calculated risk, I didn’t spend all that time researching him for nothing. . .But give me a moment. . .” Norn waits a couple seconds before Jin speaks again. “I think I’ve got all of his memories. That’s what I’m seeing here”

“The memories of such a simpleton are questionable in use. These powers were wasted on that man.”

“There is plenty of garbage to sift through in his memories, yes. . .But there’s enough. Gluttony wasn’t the only one of his kind. Do you remember that brute that was outside the saw mill with the human in black? That one is Sloth. His powers are not quite as impressive as Gluttony’s, but still useful none the less. Aside from gaining his powers, absorbing him will also further extend my life span.”

“And why should you get to absorb this ‘Sloth’ as well? I want an equal share of the power.”

“Ah. . .It will still go to me, Norn. But you’ll be a part of me! You will absorb Sloth, and then I will absorb you. Then, we will be one, and be the living embodiment of the Machine Orthodoxy.” He cackles.

“You’re absolutely sure?”

“Would I kill you for no reason? I’m the one with Gluttony’s memories, here. . .” The now hulking giant goes to leave the room. “Come, Norn. We have to go back to that pit he escaped through. . .”


Michael Reynolds by Smash Daddy (MYM 13)
Licker by Junahu (MYM 15)
Dr. Strangelove by Wizzerd (MYM 7)
Jin Gitaxias by ForwardArrow (MYM 11)
Gluttony by MasterWarlord (MYM 14)
Sloth by MasterWarlord (MYM 15)
Kammy Koopa by Getocoolaid (MYM 13)
Kamek by KingK.Rool (MYM 7)
Wizard Bowser by Smash Daddy (MYM 12)
Lemmy Koopa by Hyper_Ridley (MYM 5)
Tubba Blubba by MasterWarlord (MYM 12)
King Boo by Smash Daddy and JOE! (MYM 14)
Gaston by BKupa666 (MYM 11)
Waluigi by Smash Daddy (MYM 14)
The Sniper by MasterWarlord (MYM 13)
Beezwax by MasterWarlord (MYM 11)
The Engineer by Davidreamcatcha (MYM 12)
Krillin by Junahu (MYM 10)
Luke Atmey by Katapultar (MYM 13)
Duke Oliver by KirbyWizard (MYM 6)
The Soldier by Smash Daddy (MYM 13)
Lord Fredrik by Smash Daddy (MYM 15)
Bashmaster by MasterWarlord (MYM 15)
Skowl by BKupa666 (MYM 15)
Kudgel by MasterWarlord (MYM 14)
K. Rool by MasterWarlord (MYM 15)
Krow by Wizzerd (MYM 5)
Doopliss by Getocoolaid (MYM 15)
Elesh Norn by ForwardArrow (MYM 11)
Albert Wesker by Smash Daddy (MYM 15)
Tyrant by Smash Daddy (MYM 15)
Hannibal Bean by MasterWarlord (MYM 8)
Nature’s Prophet by MasterWarlord (MYM 15)
Ratigan by BKupa666 (MYM 12)
Keroro Platoon by Katapultar (MYM 12)
Putata by Katapultar (MYM 13)
Ganados by Junahu (MYM 15)
Nemesis by Junahu (MYM 15)
Mr. Banballow by Smash Daddy (MYM 10)
Queen Worm by MasterWarlord and Smash Daddy (MYM 13)
Trent by MasterWarlord (MYM 13)

Part 2



  1. I was also plotting out a Horror-themed storymode a while ago with a slightly more serious focus (i.e. the most “humorous” characters would’ve been Sir Arthur and the Danny Phantom chars). It’s a concept that was begging to be done right with all the movesets we’ve had towards it.

    With that, it’s absolutely amazing how well you’re able to integrate characters from conflicting universes and storylines into an SM so seamlessly. It’s less overt here then it was in Paradox or Machine Orthodoxy thanks to the fact that there is actual universejumping done here, but anyone who can make a cartoon rat voiced by Vincent Price mesh up well with Albert Wesker gets my vote.

    You’re actually a rather brilliant SM writer in that regard – you’re able to take characters and plotpoints that would normally be used only in a Survivor because of the universe-pulling aspect and integrate them fluently into one storyline. Not that I dislike Survivor (it’s high time somebody wrote another one), but a fleshed out SM is much better storyline-wise.

    On that note, I almost kind of wish that you didn’t make the Freaky Fred gag. Not because of the obvious – but because the Courage trio (LeQuack/Ramses/Fred) would be perfect for this. All 3 are particularly memorable movesets (not saying they’re good), and fun characters to write for.

    • *licks lips*

  2. I do owe you a reply to this since two of my sets got pretty great roles, but honestly even ignoring that the whole thing is very enjoyable. You play off a much more diverse roster than you usually do(and made the rather ballsy decision to kill off a lot of your preferred fodder in the characters closely related to Bowser), and it pays off as most every character is handled in a fun way, and while you don’t go overboard with casualties you usually know when a character’s time has come. The interactions between characters are all top notch, and you do a good job fleshing out characters who honestly have fairly little to go off on their own, Kremlings and Snowmads coming to mind.

    I have a few token nitpicks, the main one being obviously that the trainers all need to die because they’re honestly all pretty annoying and/or boring. Similarly, I can understand why he’s here as he takes advantage of the mechanics in an interesting way, but Tubba Blubba comes across as one of the least likeable characters in the cast and to see him go far would be kind of unpleasant. I almost wish Gluttony’s beam permanently removed him from the game, but since that was the only way we could get Kremlings and Snowmads back I forgive it. And while he’s used quite well for the most part, until the amazing boss fight Krow doesn’t really reference his horrible moveset at all and is played awkwardly straight as a character outside of fights, making the disconnect in gameplay and story rather jarring.

    Those are some pretty intense nitpicks though, really coming down to one group who did nothing and was barely on screen and one character not being to my tastes. I cannot wait for Part 2, as this actually has a high chance of being finished.

    Also Jin has by far the most compelling reason to win this because frankly having him kill Bolas in the epilogue would be insanely satisfying. But I guess I’m just biased as all hell.

    • “I cannot wait for Part 2, as this actually has a high chance of being finished.”

    • Bite me.

  3. I particularly enjoyed the interactions between some of the participants and the Illbleed hazards, namely Krow/Skowl with Worm Queen and Nature’s Prophet fusing together with Trent. I didn’t expect such when coming into the SM, and thus was pleasantly surprised. This makes me especially eager for the next part and how you’ll use the next 3 set of hazards.

    Coming from someone with no bias for the character, I also agree that Jin has one of the more exciting roles in the SM. He feels well-portrayed for the setting he was put in given the general god-like feel the Phyrexians exude, his assimilation of Gluttony being an excellent way to end the first part of the SM. I assume you already have a winner in mind?

    I quite enjoyed the role my own sets played. I was greatly anticipating the Keroro Platoon’s deaths ever since I saw them listed among the participants, given they’re the most recent Katverse punching bags that aren’t Jason.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: