Posted by: masterwarlord | November 16, 2015

The Illbleed Slaughter – Part 3

Part 2

We open on a shot of a generic seagull being crushed by a comically oversized boulder, prompting a pained squawk as it dies. The camera pans back to showcase the man who threw the boulder as HODY JONES. KUROOBI is seen close by with his arms folded. “Are you really that bored, Hody?”

“I thought we would’ve found at least –one- accursed human by now. But no, they’re all just cowering inside of that stupid museum with that ‘neutrality’ bullcrap!”

“You know how weak the humans are…I doubt they’re even going to provide much more challenge than that bird you just killed.”

“Maybe not…” Hody grimaces. “It’s not about the challenge, though, it’s about the satisfaction I’ll have from killing humans!”

ARLONG laughs and pats Hody on the back. “Can’t believe how well you turned out while I was gone, Hody. It’s great to have you on the Arlong pirates…”

VANDER DECKEN decides to propose a plan instead of wandering around aimlessly. “Maybe we should go back to the museum, stalk them, and wait to ambush them as they come out?”

Arlong rolls his eyes. “That’s your human blood talking, Decken. We’re fishmen! We don’t have to resort to such a cowardly plan to kill such weak humans.”

Decken is annoyed at his half human race being used against him. “Look, I’m just as strong as you pure bloods, and I still hate humans just as much as you lot. I was more thinking about the other races, only so many of our enemies are human.”

“Well yeah, there’s other races stronger than humans, but fishmen are the strongest. It’s no contest. I don’t care what they send our way, they’ll all end up the same. Any other ideas?”

Hody looks out to a nearby shore. “Should we just leave this stupid island? It’s all for some dumb human’s little game.”

HATCHAN comes up and shakes his arms. “Oh nononononono! We can’t do that! If we don’t participate he’ll blow up our world!”

Hody chuckles. “Aaaaaand? Is that a problem?” He gets an even larger evil smile. “It’ll kill all of those rotten, horrible humans back where we came from!”

“Buh-But, that’d include Fishman Island!”

“Hate to break it to you, Hachi, but Fishman Island isn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be since you guys left. There’s so many damned human sympathizers there now.”

Arlong is somewhat surprised at just how deeply into this Hody is, but he certainly doesn’t consider it a bad thing. “I’ll take your word for it, but I still couldn’t do that to the rest of my guys. We’ll rip out that doctor’s guts and resume as usual back where we came from after this is over.”

Hody is somewhat disappointed Arlong wouldn’t go that far, though not surprised. “Look…How’s about this? He said if we try to leave, he’ll launch a nuke not only at our world, but at this island.”

Hatchan frantically waves his arms around. “What’s wrong with you? You want to kill US too?!”

Hody rolls his eyes. “Let me finish! None of us are going to actually die, no nukes will ACTUALLY get fired. Look, think of it from their perspective. Do you really think they would just end it because we decided to leave? It’s probably just a threat…They’ll put out a warning, tell us to stop. Then, like, when we don’t stop, they’ll tell the others where we are and say they’ll nuke the island if they don’t stop us. That’s my plan here. We’ll just lure some people out of that damned neutrality zone so we can have some FUN already.”

“Nononono! Way too risky! They could just be crazy and decide to kill us or something. I mean, they’re crazy enough to have this stupid contest in the first place, I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Arlong chuckles. “I’m glad somebody around here is thinking proactively…Honestly, this sounds like the kind of thing those guys would endorse. I say we do it.” Arlong jumps in the water. “C’mon, boys.”

Hody, Hatchan, Kuroobi, and CHU follow Arlong into the water. Vander Decken doesn’t go into the water and instead takes out some small device and presses a button on it. “Just a second, guys.” Nothing happens, prompting Decken to press the button a few more times and shake the device angrily. “Useless! Did I get ripped off?!”

Hody pops his head back up out of the water, scowling. “What’s taking so long, Decken?!”

“My bubble blower isn’t working. I need it to swim with you guys.”

The others pop their heads out of the water as well and Arlong laughs. “Shahahaha! That’s rich! A ‘fishman’ who can’t swim?! You’re more human than fish at this point!”

Decken struggles to not lose his cool. “L-look, Arlong, it has nothing to do with my race. It’s because I have a devil fruit, remember? When you have one of those you can’t swim.”

“Pah! I had the chance to get one of the most powerful devil fruits out there, but I turned it down. We’re already so strong we don’t need them. Humans need them to even come close to playing on a level resembling ours…You gave up the ability to swim freely in our homelands for some stupid ability?!”

“Look, it wasn’t a decision I made lightly, my friend…I needed this ability to sta-err, woo, my one true love, Princess Shirahoshi!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Are you able to come with us without your stupid bubble blower?”

Hody of course still is in a rush to leave. “We don’t need all of us to go anyway. Just leave him. We’ll reunite with him when the humans arrive.”

Chu comes up out of the water. “It’s okay, Decken…You don’t need a silly bubble blower when you have ME.” Chu bends over to insert his face into the water to suck some up, filling up his cheeks. He walks over next to Decken and starts blowing a bubble large enough for Decken to fit inside of before it encapsulates him. “CHU CHU!” An overly anime looking heart appears next to Chu.

Some drool drips off of the bubble onto Decken, causing him to cringe a bit. “Uuuuhhh…Thanks, Chu.” Chu heads back into the water and Decken follows after them in his awkward bubble.


Level 24
Arlong, Hatchan, Kuroobi, Chu, Hody Jones, Vander Decken

This is an underwater level, and since you’re playing as fishmen you are given infinite double jumps in midair and cannot enter helpless from using Up Specials. While Illbleed has no underwater enemies, the enemies in this level consist of various squids based off of Michael Reynolds’ final boss forms. One of them is based off his giant head form with a few tentacles below it to turn it into a squid, while the tentacle monster remains largely unchanged to be turned into an enemy. The level is quite long to represent how far the fishmen are traveling out, giving you a chance to try out most of your characters.


Hody’s prediction proves correct as a giant television screen emerges from a wall in the museum, showing Michael Reynolds at a desk. “I’m pleased to announce to you all that the Illbleed Slaughter has been a tremendous success. Most of you haven’t even needed that much of a push after having seen the rules to provide better results than we ever could’ve imagined…However, those of you whom can hear this message have been heavily abusing the neutrality zone so generously provided by my colleague, Dr. Strangelove. I hope you’ve enjoyed your comfortable stay here, as you’re about to pay the price for having such a privilege.”

The screen changes to show the six fishmen swimming far, far away from the designated zone for the slaughter. “These six participants have seen fit to escape. If you’ll recall, if they escape, the whole place is nuked, and the neutrality zone you’ve all come to rely so heavily upon won’t save you.” The screen changes to show a map, detailing the location of the fishmen. “You have three hours to kill them or get them back in the game somehow. Everyone who has left this place and began the killing will not hear the message, so the burden rests squarely on your shoulders.” The transmission ends and the screen retracts back into the wall.

Honest turns to Viktor and Urgot. “Well, I’ve done more than enough for our partnership. You two have yet to do anything. Would you be willing to go?”

Viktor is offended at this accusation. “You came to me, I didn’t come to you. You are merely here to support me while I carry you with these machines once the barrier goes down.”

“Well at the very least, you could send some of your machines there. We can’t just do nothing.”

“Do you know anything about robots?! I can’t send them, they aren’t all waterproof. The ones that would function at all wouldn’t be ideal either.”

Urgot is deep in thought. “Just give us some time. We’ll think it over.”

Honest is very unimpressed. “I went through all this trouble to align with men afraid of water? At least it’ll be easy to take them out when it becomes time to betray them. Well, think quickly, we only have three hours, apparently.”

The camera pans over to the Engineer, the Sniper, Beezwax, Krillin, and Luke Atmey. The majority of them were woken up by Reynolds’ message. Most of them did not see Viktor’s robots at all, as they were asleep during their production. Atmey points angrily over at said robots. “You call THIS a setup? THAT’s a setup! You just have a couple of lousy turrets as opposed to a robot army! Why, with my genius, I could probably do a better job myself!”

Engineer takes offense to any insults directed towards his beloved turrets. “Don’t insult the turrets, son. You brag about what you COULDA done, but you didn’t actually DO nothin’! You were sleepin’ sound like a baby. You don’t like my turrets, then there’s the door. Don’t let it kick ya on the way out.”

Beezwax can’t really get over the robots. “Luke’s not exactly wrong, here…This place is hardly safe for us to stay anymore. We should just take what we can in my truck and get out of here, or else we’ll just be killed when the neutrality zone goes down.”

Luke nods in agreement. “Yes, we will leave this place and go to the shore before killing those fishmen.”

Krillin is of course horrified. “We should leave, yeah, b-but, should we really fight those guys?”

Beezwax folds his arms. “Three hours is just ridiculous…It’ll take over an hour to even get to the shore in my truck, and then we’re just stranded. They’ll have got out even further. Forget fighting them, we can’t even get to them.”

Sniper nods in agreement. “Yeah, doubt you could get them in range of me.”

Atmey throws up his hands in anger. “Well then, what do YOU propose we do? Sit here and wait for our imminent deaths?”

Honest and Syura walk over to the group. Sniper rolls his eyes. “Oh, it’s you blokes again. I thought you already betrayed us for those guys over there?”

Honest talks to them in a way to try to avoid offending anyone. “While that is true, I believe you would agree that we would need some form of treaty…You need a way to the fishmen, and I need people to fight them.”

Syura nods. “You remember my ability, I can teleport you all the way out there.”

Beezwax hastily speaks up. “Alright, it’s up to you lot then. They’re in the water, and you can’t send my truck into the ocean.”

“Well…You can’t really use turrets or a gun either. What does that even leave?”

Engineer extends his wrench over to Krillin. “Well that guy’s supposed to be some kinda martial artist who can shoot…God knows what from his hands. He’d be the one you’re looking for.”

Krillin backs away. “Oh, real brave you guys are, sending a kid to fight for you…What about the master thief?”

Sniper groans. “Bunch of bloody cowards, you are…Look, we have to kill the lot of them, cowering away here won’t do nothin’. If you lot won’t go, I will. Just find me a vantage point and I’ll take the bastards out.”

Beezwax hastily adds in his piece. “Yeah, but send the thief and the kid anyway. They’re not gonna do anything else for us.”

“Suppose they could serve as some bait for the fishes…”

Ratigan comes over with an enlarged version of the Keroro Platoon. “I’d like to volunteer my platoon to fight on my behalf as well!” All of the frogs besides Giroro are terrified and obviously want to be anywhere but here.

Syura looks at him a bit weird. “You look like you’d put up a better fight than those weaklings…”

“I’m not some barbarian, I’m more cultured than that. I don’t fight unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Is it not absolutely necessary to prevent a nuke?”

“Look, I just, uh, have a lot of faith in my platoon, alright?”

“Well they don’t look like they have a lot of faith in themselves…”

Honest puts a hand on Syura’s shoulder. “Just drop it. We’ll send him anyway. Alright, everyone, get ready. Syura’s going to teleport you all there now.” Syura teleports everyone but Beezwax and Ratigan, one by one. “Send him too.”

Ratigan begins backing away. “I said I didn’t agree to this!”

“And that doesn’t matter, we can still send you. Don’t come back until you kill the fishmen.” Syura teleports Ratigan away as well regardless of his objections. Honest chuckles to himself. “Just one more.”

Syura goes to approach Beezwax. “You want me to send him too? I really, really don’t think he’d be able to do anything in this fight.”

“Oh, no no. . .The last person, my boy, is you.” Honest spawns his stand before sending it out to touch Syura, teleporting him underwater a far way away. Honest’s thoughts go over the scene regardless of him not being on camera. “I’ve gotten to see just how powerful your ability is firsthand, Syura, and I’m afraid I can’t allow anyone else to have that kind of power.” Syura gasps in shock from the sudden teleportation, wasting any air he had as if matters weren’t bad enough already. The fishmen promptly come in to swarm Syura and tear him apart. While Syura manages to at least teleport away Kuroobi, he is torn limb for limb quite literally by Arlong and Hody.

Arlong does his signature laugh once again. “Was that supposed to be an ATTACK? Weakest devil fruit EVER.”

Hatchan points off to the shore where the characters that were teleported can be seen. “Heheh, well, guess I was wrong after all. Your plan worked Hody!”

Chu looks every which way. “What happened to Kuroobi, though? Where’d he go after that guy hit him?”

Hody rolls his eyes. “Who CARES?! There’s humans we can kill! No…Wait, this might be my chance. Oh well, gee…I wonder if he’s okay? I’ll go look for him. You guys can go fight the humans.”

Hatchan looks confused. “Whuh? You sure? You love fighting humans, and this was your idea, after all.”

“Oh, well…I’m just a new member of the Arlong pirates, so I figured I should do this. I’m just…Really worried about Kuroobi.”

Hatchan pats Hody on the back with 3 of his arms. “I misjudged you, Hody. You really aren’t such a bad guy after all!”

Hody does a half hearted smile before swimming off. He chuckles to himself once he’s a decent distance away from them, then the four remaining fishmen head for shore. Sniper readies his rifle while the Engineer and Kululu frantically try to build anything of remote use for the absolute monsters fast approaching them. Ratigan is not seen anywhere despite him having supposedly been teleported there.


Level 25
Arlong, Hatchan, Chu, Vander Decken

This level starts out in the water as you travel alongside a cliff. You have to deal with the Michael Reynolds squids in the water while being assaulted by rockets, turrets, sniper fire, and random gadgets Kululu throws into the water to electrocute it, turning it all briefly into a hitbox. For the final leg of the level, you’ll be climbing up the side of a cliff to reach them.


The Engineer, the Sniper, Keroro Platoon, Krillin, Luke Atmey Vs. Arlong, Hatchan, Chu, Vander Decken

You’ll first play as the Sniper alone on a perch where you can’t be reached that is not the main stage. The enemy characters become invulnerable once they reach a certain point, and once all of them have reached it it transitions to the next phase. Any damage dealt to the fishmen will be recorded for the main fight, it’s even technically possible to kill them if you want to jump off your perch and waste the Sniper’s life. If the Sniper dies, he obviously won’t be a computer ally later.

You’ll then play as the Engineer for 20 seconds to form a generic set-up to attack the approaching Fishmen, then as the Keroro Platoon for 20 seconds as you desperately try to form any remotely useful item by using Kululu. After that, you get two stocks as Krillin and Luke Atmey for the primary fight, with the other 3 characters functioning as computer controlled allies. This level actually breaks the usual limit of four people, having 8 people on the screen at once. You, the 3 computer allies, and the 4 opponents. While you technically have 5 characters against their 4, one of your allies is the useless Keroro Platoon, and the Engineer and Sniper have rather terrible AIs while the enemies get perfect AIs. When producing set-ups, you’ll want to get the characters in good positions before you lose control of the to try to minimize the computer’s chance to screw up once it gets control of them. The Sniper’s so stupid that it might be worth suiciding him just to get in some more damage in the first phase.

The lose condition is for you to lose your two stocks as Krillin and Luke Atmey, it doesn’t matter how many of your allies die. That said, you’ll want to protect the stupid computers and make them actually commit to their set-ups instead of going in and meleeing the foes. Your first character of Luke/Krillin is fairly expendable, as they’ll be replaced while the computer allies won’t be.


Hody Jones is seen continuing to swim along. One of the Michael Reynolds squids comes up to him and starts to speak, but Hody casually kills it with his trident. Another comes to block the way, but this time the attack is blocked by the neutrality zone. Hody attacks again, but the attack still doesn’t work as it starts talking. “Hody Jones, I believe? This is Michael Reynolds speaking.”

Hody laughs. “You’re the guy in charge?! How’d you get reduced to that?”

“This isn’t actually me, I’m just using this creature to communicate. Now…You do know that your friend Kuroobi isn’t out in this direction, right?”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaahhh…What does that have to do with anything?” Hody starts swimming away from the Reynolds squid, very uninterested.

Reynolds struggles to keep up. “You’re heading directly away from the Illbleed Slaughter. If this continues, I’m still going to activate the nuke, and everyone will die.” Hody continues swimming, ignoring the squid as he gets a gigantic grin. “What, didn’t you hear what I said?!”

“I heard you, I just don’t care.”

“No, I really don’t think you did. EVERYONE will die. That includes you.”

“And you’ll nuke my world too, right?”

Reynolds lets out a sigh of relief. “Good, good, I can see you’re finally beginning to understand…”

Hody lets out an edgy psychotic laugh. “Do it then. Do it right now! That’s what I’m doing this for. So long as you kill all of those goddamned humans, I’ll happily give my life!” The Reynolds squid stops and let Hody go, realizing now just what kind of person he is.


Ratigan is seen having snuck off a ways from the other characters who are fighting the fishmen in the background. “As if I’d throw my hat into the ring with that lot. They have no chance fending off those monsters.” Ratigan takes out Hannibal’s Moby Morpher and shrinks himself before going to dig into the ground. He digs himself quite deep as he claws with his rat nails. Once he gets deep enough, he makes some space for himself to rest slightly more comfortably before propping himself up on the wall of his little tunnel and heaving a sigh of relief. ”They’ll never find me here…

Hannibal Bean opens up a portal into the tiny tunnel, having been watching Ratigan like a hawk and waiting for his chance to reclaim the Moby Morpher. He laughs as Ratigan fumes with anger. “Well…THEY didn’t find me, but I’ll have to deal with this uninvited guest.


Ratigan Vs. Hannibal Bean

Hannibal is just considered “max” size here at all times and can’t shrink, with neither of you being allowed to use the Morpher. This serves as a slight nerf to Hannibal, but the stage is a walk off with minimal space to move, making it very awkward to acquire any kind of proper set-up as Ratigan.


Hannibal is seen with his vines entangling Ratigan. Ratigan is trying to muscle out, but barely even has the room to do that due to the constricted nature of the tunnel. Hannibal spawns further vines from his body before going to outright strangle Ratigan, about to finish him off. “Thanks for givin’ me this morpher back, it’s back with its rightful owner.” He cackles before an incredibly loud sound is heard as if there were some kind of earthquake.

The camera zooms out to show that the ground Hannibal and Ratigan are inside of has been uprooted by Arlong. Arlong throws the ground chunk at the Engineer who is running away from him screaming. The camera cuts back inside the ground chunk, where Hannibal frantically takes some of his vines off of one of Ratigan’s arm to go activate the moby morpher. Ratigan’s now freed arm goes to activate it simultaneously. The camera cuts back to the other shot as the ground chunk bursts open on top of the Engineer, killing him, with the mangled bodies of Ratigan and Hannibal Bean coming up out of the ground chunk at full size.

Arlong laughs hysterically at this. “SHAHAHAHAHA! I killed three birds with one stone! Where the hell did you two pop out from?! This was the best plan ever, you weaklings are practically growing on trees!” Arlong stomps on top of Hannibal, causing all of his vines to go limp briefly from the pain. While Ratigan was already free of Hannibal’s vines, this causes Hannibal to drop his other generic artifact, the Ying Yang Yoyo, which is what enables him to create the portals he’s been so heavily abusing throughout the story mode. Ratigan hastily goes and snatches it and fiddles with it to open a portal before leaping through.

While still pinning Hannibal with his foot, Arlong goes to punch Ratigan as he goes through, but the punch is blocked by neutrality, as Ratigan has unsurprisingly made a portal back into the museum. Arlong punches a few more times at him, not realizing that there’s neutrality yet. Ratigan folds his arms. “Are you quite finished?” Arlong eventually stops before Ratigan spits in his face. “Simpleton.”

Arlong stomps on top of Hannibal’s body in anger several times, causing comical pained reactions from him. “This is THE stupidest rule. Who would come up with something like this?!”

Hannibal has managed to reach out a couple of vines into the portal while Arlong’s been so distracted and is attempting to pull himself in. “I didn’t mean none of that, we can still be partners!”

Arlong rips the portions of the vines that are still outside of the neutrality zone off, then starts systematically ripping off the remaining vines. “You’ll have to do!”

Ratigan laughs as he showcases the morpher mockingly. “Yes, Hannibal, I agree, the morpher IS with its rightful owner now. This partnership has done wonders for me, but you must understand, I’m a notorious crime lord. I’m no stranger to feeding men to the fishes…” He does an overly mocking wave as he closes the portal. “GoodBYE, Hannibal!”

Sniper is seen fleeing from Vander Decken, with Decken already having stolen his gun. Decken is seen firing a couple of shots at the Sniper with his own gun, but seeing he has no experience he misses. Sniper laughs at him. “My mother’s a better shot th-“

Sniper gets interrupted as Decken throws a knife at him, which actually hits regardless of Decken not having marked Sniper. Sniper falls over on one knee as he grits his teeth and takes out the knife. Decken comes up to Sniper and grins before going to swing his axe at him. Sniper takes out a jar of jarate and throws it at him, saying the obnoxiously bad pun of “piss off!” as he does so. Decken comically flails about with his many legs to try to retain his balance before tripping into the jarate. Due to the trip, he drops his fedora, getting it covered in the stuff. Decken holds up his fedora with a look of horror on his face before scowling.

The camera cuts away from Decken to the fleeing Sniper who believes he has gotten away, but Decken’s fedora flies across the screen at lightning speed with a bunch of knives attached to it, decapitating Sniper as it passes. The hatless Decken walks into the frame and looks down at Sniper’s body, chuckling. Sniper’s hat slowly floats down into the frame, having gotten knocked off Sniper’s head by the force of Decken’s attack. Decken snatches Sniper’s hat out of the air. He looks over it before trying it on and doing a tipping motion with it. “It’s no fedora, but it will do.”

Chu is seen to have already trapped Luke Atmey inside of one of his bubbles. Atmey is pounding at the walls as he attempts to get out fruitlessly, with Chu filling the insides of the bubble with water. Atmey is starting to drown as we pan away to the Keroro Platoon, who is just desperately trying to run away as Chu is occupied. Tamama reaches out towards Atmey longingly, crying. “We can’t just let him die like that!”

Giroro rolls his eyes. “Uh, no, actually, I’m pretty sure we can.”

“B-b-but…What about what captain Keroro said, about leaving no man behind?!”

Keroro chuckles nervously. “Well, uh…Well…That only applies to members of the platoon!”

“Y-You’ve changed, Keroro! Remember what happened to Dororo?! You can’t let everybody just die!”

Keroro sighs. “Well, Tamama, I guess you’re ri-“

The scene has just Keroro and Tamama in focus. Tamama goes to form a smile as Keroro says these words, but Keroro is interrupted mid-sentence by Tamama being shot and dying. The camera reveals Giroro as the shooter as Keroro is shocked. “What’s wrong with you?!”

Giroro is stoic and unphased. “You’ve gone way too soft, Keroro. There’s no way we would’ve achieved world domination, much less get out of here alive, with that crybaby weighing us down.”

Keroro forms the tears that Tamama previously had. “How could you?!” Keroro goes to tackle Giroro and starts a pathetic fist fight with him. It quickly ends with Giroro doing the sensible thing and shooting him instead of relying on his pathetic chibi frog arms.

Kululu, the only other remaining frog besides Giroro, is seen in the fetal position during this. Giroro gets up and approaches him. “You got a problem?” Kululu frantically shakes his head no. “Good…Looks like it’s gonna be just you and me now, Kululu. From now on, we’ll be known as the Giroro platoon. The way it always should’ve been! I know this is gonna be hard, but I promise, I’m gonna lead us to bigger and better things. I’m gonna be the villain Keroro never had the guts to be, I’ll-“

Giroro is again interrupted by Krillin’s decapitated head being thrown at lightning speed from out of the frame. The head whizzes past Giroro and hits Kululu in the face so hard it punches his squishy face in, killing him. The head bounces off of Kululu’s head, a tree trunk, and several other objects before going back into the hands of Hatchan. Hatchan dribbles Krillin’s head and passes it all around his six hands very quickly as if it was a basketball before spinning it around on one finger. He has a very dumb smile on his face as he spins it in a pose not unlike Professor Means.

Giroro just stares blankly at Hatchan. “I-I…I can see now. This…This just wasn’t meant to be. If there’s a god out there, he is dedicated to making my life miserable.” He puts up his hands up in a stopping motion as Hatchan approaches. “No, no, no. That won’t be necessary. I’ve accepted this.” He takes out his gun. “Hey, this was still worth it. I’ll never have to see those idiots ever again.”

He shoots himself and blacks out before the screen fades in to a stereotypical version of hell. He at first seems very happy before he is swarmed by hundreds of duplicates of his fallen comrades, most of them Tamamas whom rush to hug him. Giroro attempts to swim up out of the sea of Tamamas, flailing his arms as he sinks into them. “You heard that, didn’t you, god?! Damn you!” He sinks into the sea of the Tamamas, never to be heard from again.


Arlong, Hatchan, Chu, and Vander Decken are seen uniting back together after having killed the entirety of the other group with the sole exception of Ratigan. Hatchan is the most worked up, breathing in and out heavily. “Heheheh, I forgot how great it can be to kill. I haven’t had a rush this good in forever!”

Arlong is still incredibly bitter. “Yeah, lucky you. I got blue balls over here. One of them escaped.”

Decken scratches his head. “Uuuhhh, don’t you always have blue balls?”

Arlong can’t decide whether to be offended at the quality of the “joke” or to interpret it as an insult, and just looks at Decken as if he’s insane. Chu points out to the water. “Well, boys, this is all great, buuuuuuuuuttt…What about my dear Kuroobi?”

The Michael Reynolds squid comes up onto the beach. “Now that you’re done with those distractions, I have something more immediate for you to address…Your so called friend, Mr. Jones, is attempting to leave the area with the explicit goal of getting me to fire the nuke on this island.” He flicks the antenna thing on the top of his head in the direction he went. “He’s heading straight out, trying to make as much distance as possible. You fishmen are the only ones capable of stopping him when he’s this far gone.”

Arlong clenches his fists as Reynolds talks, growling in anger as he fails to contain himself. “What is that idiot thinking now?! He’s probably just trying to attract more humans…”

Chu puts his hands on his hips. “Well, that explains Hody, but what about Kuroobi?”

Arlong rolls his eyes as he walks over to Chu and puts his hands on his shoulders. “I THINK we have something just…” He goes to shake Chu violently. “A LITTLE more important than Kuroobi right now.” He goes to jump into the water. Chu looks at Hatchan questioningly for Hatchan to just shrug and follow after Arlong.

Chu goes to follow along as well, leaving Decken alone on the shore. “Wait, wait for me! Chu, I need-“ Decken just groans as Chu has already gone too far to hear him. He takes out his bubble blowing device and starts fiddling with it angrily.


Level 26
Arlong, Hatchan, Chu

This is an underwater level like the first one, but it is now a race to catch up to Hody. There are of course plenty of various obstacles set up to try to make you to wait for them to pass by without taking damage, making you either take damage to the time or your health. Considering you have 3 stocks, it can be a decent strategy to just blitz past everything and sacrifice your first character to get a head start. If this is done, you may intentionally want to pick the character you least want to play first.


Hody Jones is seen continuing to swim away from the others as fast as he can, but what with him being so much fatter than them it’s obvious they’re going to catch up. “Shit! I didn’t want to have to use this so soon!” Hody goes to take out a packet of energy steroids before grinning. “Then again…When the hell else am I gonna use these? I’ll be dead after this anyway!” He takes out and bites into it before just pouring the whole thing into his mouth. The others arrive in front of him as he laughs. Throughout the conversation, Hody’s muscle mass can be seen increasing drastically.

Arlong isn’t sure what Hody’s even doing, not having heard of the steroids. “FINALLY. We’ve been chasing you forever. Look, no more humans are going to come. You’re coming back, right now, and that’s an order!”

“I don’t take orders from you anymore, Arlong. Not even you would go far enough to do what was needed.” Hody laughs.

“What are you laughing about, you idiot?!”

Hody smacks Arlong across the face with an arm engorged in muscles. “I’m entirely aware of what I’m doing. I’m going to kill all of humanity! If we fishmen have to perish alongside them, then so be it! It’s a sacrifice we should all be willing to make.” Hody finishes his transformation as we get a shot of the three other fishmen rushing in towards him.


Hody Jones Vs. Arlong, Hatchan, Chu

You get the effects of the energy steroids for the whole match with no downsides. If you attempt to input Down Special to take even more steroids, it will give you the effects of a mushroom in place of the usual buff, but this buff can actually wear off and will deal damage to you. While you’re not as powerful as most boss characters, Hatchan and Chu’s AIs are only set to level 5 (Arlong’s remains at 9).


Chu sucks up water to shoot at Hody, but Hody punches it and causes it all to shoot out, alongside blood, as he goes flying and crashes into a wall. Hatchan and Arlong aren’t in the best of shape either while Hody himself barely appears damaged. Vander Decken finally arrives to the fight, apparently having gotten his bubble blower to work. Hody just laughs at him. “What good do you think YOU can do, Decken?! The others have already all lost!”. Decken just stands there as the gigantic Hody goes to approach him. “You’re even weaker than Chu with your human blood! I’ll enjoy shedding that blood before I die!” Decken avoids being impaled by Hody’s trident at the last second before casually poking him with one finger. Hody gets pulled away from Decken by some unseen force after getting poked very forcefully. Hody frantically attempts to swim against the pull, but can only slow it down. “D-Decken! Think about what you’re doing! Think of the perfect world without humans!”

Decken chuckles. “Perfect world of nothing? I think not, Hody. Maybe you and me could’ve been partners in another life, but…Nah, on second thought, forget that. I like this ending better.”

Hody is carried off out of audible range of the other fishmen. Chu is confused as to what even happened. “What’d you do to him?”

“It’s my power, remember? The devil fruit?”

Arlong is not impressed. “Yeah, I know your power. How far away did you even send him?”

“I kept my target as the neutrality zone all this time in case we needed to go back there.”

“Oh, great, so he’ll be just fine, and then he’ll either come back out to kill us or start this ‘nuke the island’ bullshit all over again.”

Decken laughs. “The steroids don’t last forever…Trust me, Arlong, you’re not gonna have to worry about him ever again.”


The Soldier and Gaston are seen having found some shelter in an abandoned building. Gaston is catching up on sleep while the Soldier stands watch. Soldier glances down at him, disgusted. “He’s half the man Waluigi was. That guy really took one for the team…” Soldier goes up to yell in Gaston’s ear. “Rise and shine, prince charming! It’s already O 800 hours!”

Gaston gets up frantically. “How dumb are you, old man?! We need to rest to fight whatever beasts are going to come after us!”

“You’ve already been sleeping half the day away, maggot! It’s my turn for some shut eye and it’s your shift now.”

The Soldier kicks Gaston out of the bed and takes off his helmet before going to get in it himself. He gets up when he hears the sound of a masculine screaming voice faintly, slowly getting louder and louder. Suddenly, the gigantic Hody Jones’ body comes flying through the wall as he continues to be pulled by the force of Decken’s Devil Fruit. Hody grabs onto the side of the wall and grimaces. “At least I’ll get to kill a couple more humans before I die!”


Hody Jones Vs. The Soldier, Gaston

You have both the Mushroom effect and Hody’s usual steroid buff, but you are constantly being pulled towards the left blast zone at speeds that will continue to increase more and more throughout the match. At first you can run against it, but after that you’ll have to have your back to a wall to not die. This is a very long stage, resembling a “Capture the Flag” stage, so you at least have a lot of objects to get stuck behind. That said, this does prove advantageous for the Soldier, who is well equipped to maneuver his way around the obstacles.


Hody is seen having grabbed Gaston and the Soldier. He throws Soldier away in the direction he’s being pulled so he can use both hands to grab Gaston, and goes to squeeze him to death before he pops open. Hody kicks the soldier forwards even further as he comes back into contact with him. This does not kill him, but Hody gets ready to kick him a second time. Soldier rocket jumps to the side to evade the kick as Hody flies past him, appearing safe, but he rocket jumps right into the teeth of EVIL SIR LEOPOLD, who promptly chomps down on him. Leopold hastily spits the Soldier out of his mouth after killing him and stares at Hody. “I think I may have finally found my new body…” Leopold cackles out loud before going to fly after Hody.


Level 27
Evil Sir Leopold

This is a scrolling level as you chase after Hody Jones’ body being dragged by Decken’s Devil Fruit power. Hody is dragged much quicker than you can move, but there are set points where he will grab onto an object in the background until you catch up to him. Once you get into range, of course he’s not able to hold onto it any longer. Most all of the level is platforming as you deal with obstacles Hody throws at you. This consists of his sweat/water bullets, ground chunks, and just him dragging his nails into the ground causing debris to be shot up towards you. There are a couple of points in the level where you’re actually required to jump on these ground chunks to go over generic pits and what have you. The only enemies in the level are those Hody picks up along the way and throws.


Hody has nothing against fighting the dog demon that’s chasing after him so hard, so Leopold eventually reaches him. While Hody does a decent uppercut into Leopold’s gut, Rhapthorne doesn’t particularly care as he slings the staff containing his soul at Hody. Hody’s body grabs onto the staff after it comes in contact with him, and Rhapthorne promptly gains control. He flexes Hody’s free arm and looks over his new muscles. “Yes, yes! Hahahaha! This new body….” His muscles start to shrink and become flabby. “Is terrible! What the hell is wrong with this body?!”

The camera cuts to Kuroobi, who has been wandering around the area aimlessly since he was teleported by Syura, hopelessly lost. He hears Hody’s voice and runs after him, eager to reunite with any of his fishmen comrades. “Hody! Hody Jones! Wait, it’s me, Kuroobi!” Leopold, still completely loyal Rhapthorne without being possessed, gets in the way, blocking him.


Evil Sir Leopold Vs. Kuroobi

You don’t have access to any of your Specials or Dthrow without having Rhapthorne to help you, making this a lot more difficult than it would be otherwise. Thankfully, Kuroobi isn’t exactly the strongest opponent himself.


Rhapthorne gets sucked back to the museum before Decken’s power finally stops. He gets up as a feeble old man with an elongated beard, looking as if he’s about to crumble to dust any second. With Rhapthorne’s staff, he essentially looks like he’s some kind of undead necromancer. “Must escape this accursed body…Before it’s too late…” Rhapthorne wanders out of the museum, looking for absolutely anything he can swap bodies with. He goes to chase after a small squirrel, but that can easily outrun him. Rhapthorne puts his weight on the staff as he breathes heavily before breathing a sigh of relief as he sees Kuroobi approaching. “Oh, it’s you! What did he say his name was…Kuroobi?”

Kuroobi stares down at Hody’s now pathetic excuse for a body. “Do I know you?”

“Oh come on…Don’t tell me you don’t recognize this face! It’s me, uuuhh…Something something Jones…Elder Davy Jones!”

“I don’t know who or what you are, old man, but the fact you know that much means I shouldn’t allow you to live.” He goes to punch Rhapthorne, and the demon lord takes his one chance to block the punch with his sword. As gaining brief control, Rhapthorne has Kuroobi open up his palm and grab onto the staff. Leopold comes up alongside Rhapthorne shortly after, recognizing that he now has control over Kuroobi.

Rhapthorne pets Leopold to reassure him before looking over his body. “Such a pity that last body was so terrible, but this one will do for the time being. That said, we can do better. Come, Leopold.”

Rhapthorne goes to leave, but is stopped as Hody grabs onto his heel, now free of his possession. “P-Please, finish me off. Kill me.”

Rhapthorne casually kicks off Hody’s arm, breaking a couple of bones in the process without even trying. “As if I would give you the mercy of a quick death. You deserve to suffer after being such an unserviceable host.”


Viktor and Urgot are seen standing in front of their robot army once again, with Urgot impatiently looking at clock on the wall. “Come, come…It must be time soon. I feel like everyone will already be dead before this accursed neutrality zone goes off.”

Viktor is less bored, considering he was hard at work. “It is only 45 minutes, but I wouldn’t get excited if I were you, Urgot. Even when the time finally passes, there will hardly be anyone for you to kill.”

The camera cuts to show their perspective as Beezwax drives out of the museum with his truck for Urgot to be quite annoyed. “Well, without him, who does that even leave for us to attack?”

Tubba Blubba’s heart bounces up to Urgot. “Oh don’t you worry, palsy. It’s gonna be just you, me, and my body. He’s almost here, and when the neutrality goes down you’ll all be goners.”

Urgot is annoyed by the very presence of the heart. “I can’t even wait 45 minutes to kill this thing…It’s been so obnoxious the entire time we’ve been here. Oh, is that so? Why don’t we go out and await his return together? I will fight him then and there if you are so very confident.”

Viktor puts his staff in front of Urgot. “No, Urgot, remember the plan.”

Urgot goes to knock it out of the way, but is annoyingly blocked by neutrality, forcing him to painstakingly waddle around it. “Relax, I have a plan.”

He waddles out to the museum entrance with the heart at a snail’s pace. Once they are there, the heart continues bragging. “Just you wait, mister, my body’s gonna-“ Urgot continues waddling out once they’ve reached the neutrality zone barrier, though the heart doesn’t follow him for obvious reasons. In the middle of the heart’s sentence, Urgot uses his hyperkinetic position reverser on the heart to swap positions with it, causing the heart to be outside the barrier. Before the heart can realize anything’s wrong, Urgot launches his generic acid hunter projectile into it, causing it to bleed horribly and almost killing it on the spot. The heart attempts to laugh. “Not bad! But if you kill me, my body will be unsto-“

Urgot fires another shot into the heart killing it as uttering a simple “I don’t care.” He fires a good few more into it for good measure to ensure it is dead. “That thing was more annoying than the yordles…”

Urgot walks back into the museum as the frame sits on the heart’s corpse for a few seconds before Tubba Blubba himself comes up running to his heart, crying pathetically. “B-But, who am I gonna take orders from now?! He was kind of my brain too…”

The dying and crippled Hody Jones, lying on his stomach and crawling along the ground, watches this. “Good god you’re pathetic.”

Tubba wipes the tears out of his eyes. “How dare you say that! I’m totally a super tough villain! Without him, I’m invincible now!”

“Big talk…Listen, kid, if you wanna be a real tough villain, try these.” He takes out the remainder of his energy steroid pills. “Will make your muscles big and strong.”

“Well, uh, my heart told me to not take candy from strangers…”

“Alright. What’s your name?”

“Uh, Tubba Blubba?”

“Hody Jones. Now we know each other, so we’re not strangers.”

Tubba shrugs and takes the steroids. “Guess that makes sense…” He tosses the whole container into his mouth and belches.

“Alright, just one last thing. You wanna be a real villain, right?”


“You should probably kill me then.”

Tubba looks apologetic. “Oh, I’m so sorry! That was really rude of me. Here you go.” Tubba casually steps on Hody, not even stomping on him, which is more than enough to kill him. While Hody was unable to complete his goal, he dies relatively happy with a smile on his face.

Tubba Blubba walks inside of the museum as he too becomes engorged with muscles like Hody previously did. He sees Urgot and runs up to him, pointing at him. “Y-You there! You’re the guy who killed my heart! You’re going to be the first victim on my, uh, villainous, psychotic, bloodthirsty rampage! For REVENGE!”

Urgot nods to Tubba Blubba. “Yes, yes, I’ve heard about you…Do not worry. After 40 minutes, you will have the honor of being the first victim of the battlecast Cho’Gath.”

Tubba Blubba nods. “Yeah, alright! 40 minutes! I’ve got invincibility and all the muscles I could ever ask for, you guys’ll be easy!” Tubba Blubba does some warm-ups as waiting as the camera zooms out. The camera stays locked in position as all 40 minutes are shown at a very fast pace, with Tubba’s muscles progressively deflating until he too turns into a frail dust and bones old man. “W-What kind of power sucking machine was that?! That old guy ripped me off!”

He crumbles to dust just as the neutrality zone is lifted, much to the disappointment of Urgot. “Bah. That was anti-climatic.”

Viktor nods. “He shouldn’t have activated his ultimate before the minion waves started.”

As if on cue, Viktor’s robots suddenly come to life after the neutrality zone finally goes down. They walk forward before the battlecast Cho’Gath summons some spikes underneath Urgot, with him barely managing to get out of the way. “Viktor?! What is the meaning of this?”

Viktor hastily leaps back. “This is not my doing. They have been infected with some form of virus.” Viktor uses some form of X-ray vision as we see his perspective. He zooms in through the coating of the battlecast Cho’Gath to showcase Putata at the controls. “Curses! It appears Fizz has taken over the battlecast Cho’Gath!”

“MORE Yordles? Outrageous…”


Level 28
Viktor, Urgot

This level is mainly a beat-em-up as you fight through your own robots. They consist of Battlecast Kog’Maws, Vel’Koz, Xeraths, and Skarners, along with battlecast Blitzcranks and Nautiluses despite skins of those not existing. The giant Cho’Gath will show up in the background as a hazard on occasion, though you don’t have to fight it within this level.


The giant Cho’Gath appears to have cornered Viktor and Urgot, but it vanishes into nothing spontaneously. Behind it is Honest, who teleported it off to god knows where. With their leader gone, the other robots stop attacking. “Have I graduated from ‘support’ status now?”

Urgot shrugs. “Well, you already have the most kills among us anyway.”

Viktor nudges Urgot with his elbow. “He was talking to me. You are not the creator of all those robots, you were certainly never carrying us to victory.”

“Oh, because those robots were so very useful when you let Fizz invade them…”

“Look, he must have pole vaulted in when we weren’t looking, okay?”

Honest sighs. “They seemed a lot more competent than this…Look, I don’t care who’s fault it is. That one seems to be your only malfunctioning robot. I sent it off to attack some of the other participants, so you’ll still get mileage out of it. For now, fix up these others you nearly destroyed to protect us.”

Viktor is still very agitated. “Since when do I take orders from you?”

“Since I saved you from your own creation? Get to work.” Honest leaves as quickly as he came before Viktor can object, leaving him with little choice but to do as he’s told.

Ratigan can be seen viewing this cutscene through a portal. “Blast! Putata was my only ally left in this stupid competition…Where’d that senile politician send him now?” He starts opening portals at random, commenting each time he opens one. The first portal shows some woodcutters building K. Rool and Korol a new pyramid. “No…” The second shows Tyrant still rotting away in Gluttony’s stomach. “That guy is still alive?” The third shows Beezwax driving his truck. “Who cares about that guy? He hasn’t done anything.” He sighs. “This could take a while.”


Cornello can be seen transmuting himself down into a tomb, covering the entrance as he goes. “Just when I thought I might have found myself some loyal minions to convert, they’re killed off…I’ll hopefully have better luck tomorrow. Just a bit deeper and I doubt I’ll be disturbed while I slumber.” With his next transmutation into the dirt, Cornello falls down a significant way further than he thought. He screams as he comically flails about in the air before collapsing onto the ground. He gets up and transmutes some fire to get a better view of where he is, a very methodically made tunnel. “Who built this?! Did somebody else have the same idea I did? No, it looks like this goes on for quite a distance…

Sudden footsteps are heard behind Cornello. He turns around and takes a look, but he is too slow as he has already been hit by his attacker, Elesh Norn.


Elesh Norn Vs. Father Cornello

Cornello has nearly infinite ground to terraform here, and the stage is a walk-off so his awkward recovery isn’t a problem. His AI is set high enough to actually take advantage of all of this, though you can still try to just cheese the fight with walk-offs like any fight involving them.


Norn is about ready to finish Cornello before the giant Jin Gitaxias arrives, whom had previously fused with Gluttony. “Wait…I remember him from the homunculus’ past life.”

He moves past Norn to talk to Cornello directly, having inherited all of Gluttony’s memories while retaining his own intelligence. “You may remember me as Gluttony, one of your previous masters…I may look quite different, but I have enhanced my body with, er, alchemy. With your knowledge of alchemy, you should be able to recognize me by my core.”

Cornello is horrified. “I thought I’d be done with these lot when the doctor blew up my world…” Cornello clears his throat. “Oh…Wonderful. I suppose the other one over there is Lust or something? Don’t tell me you brought that transvestite homunculus too.”

Jin sees no reason not to humor Cornello. “Yes, that’s Lust…Unfortunately, our good friend Sloth has betrayed us. Unlike him, we know you’ll be loyal to us.”

“What do you expect me to do about it?”

“We’re going to kill him and take his core back. We’ll need your alchemy knowledge to revive him afterwards as a part of us. As you know, the gold toothed doctor has been killed and can no longer provide healing to Father’s allies. You’re something of a doctor character yourself with your healing ability, so we thought you’d be the next best thing.”

Perhaps I can use the philosopher’s stone of this Sloth homunculus for myself…Very well, where is this Sloth?”

“I can easily tell that this tunnel was made by him. He is being accompanied by…Who should I say he is for believability…Another homunculus traitor, Greed.”

Cornello nods. “Right, I’ll do my best to help.” He rubs his hands together and chuckles. “Four homunculi with two opposing each other…It will be easy to get what I want in the chaos.

As Cornello walks on ahead, Norn takes Jin aside. “Surprised he bought so much of that bullshit.”

Jin replies to “Lust”. “You’d be surprised how much of what I told him was legitimate. It’s difficult enough going through this simpleton’s memory, it becomes infinitely harder when the world he’s from makes so little sense.”


Rhapthorne in Kuroobi’s body and Leopold can be seen walking up to the other group of fishmen, who have since left the beach. Hatchan points over with a couple of his arms. “Hey, look, guys, it’s Kuroobi!”

Arlong is less enthusiastic. “Why’s he got that big dog with him?”

Hatchan just shrugs while Chu goes to run up to Kuroobi, not caring. “Kuroobi, Kuroobi! It’s you, CHU!” Chu clasps his hands together as his obligatory heart spawns next to him.

Rhapthorne grins. “So this guy had more friends than just that mutant…Maybe that six armed guy will-

Rhapthorne is interrupted by Chu hugging him and covering him in wet kisses with his disturbingly large lips. “Kuroobi! Kuroobi! I’m so glad you’re safe!” Rhapthorne attempts to pry Chu off of himself, obviously disturbed.

Arlong chuckles. “Good god, Chu, didn’t know you were THIS big of a fag for Kuroobi.”

Chu ignores this and takes the scepter containing Rhapthorne away from him in a whimsical fashion. “Ooooohhh, where’d you get this cool staff?”

Kuroobi’s face goes wide eyed with the last of Rhapthorne’s possession of it, then he keels over and breathes heavily. Rhapthorne, now in Chu’s body, looks very worried. “Really, REALLY?! This has to be the absolute weakest one here!

Kuroobi goes out of his way to communicate the danger of the staff. “Friends, I was possessed! That staff-“ Rhapthorne panics and hastily attempts to silence Kuroobi by trying to place a hand over his mouth, but Kuroobi avoids it. He tries to make contact with the staff, but he keeps avoiding it with his generic ninja agility as Rhapthorne still isn’t even used to Chu’s clumsy body as he continues speaking. “Don’t let the staff touch you, it has some guy inside it that can-“ Kuroobi is tackled from behind by Leopold, pinning him to the ground.

Rhapthorne stabs himself with the scepter brutally before transferring into Kuroobi’s body, with Chu falling over dead a few seconds later. Chu dies with, what else, one last cry of his name as if he were some kind of horrible water/fairy Pokemon.


Kuroobi, Evil Sir Leopold Vs. Arlong, Hatchan, Vander Decken

You start the match as Kuroobi with Evil Sir Leopold out as an ally. You have access to the Neutral Special of Leopold as Kuroobi, with his regular Neutral Special getting input by double tapping. You can use this to swap control to Leopold by throwing him the scepter, and Leopold can’t use scepter moves without it. Throwing this at any of your opponents gives you control of them instead of the current fishman you have control of, though will revert whoever you controlled previously back into an enemy. You’ll largely have to make the enemies kill each other to get past the fight, as the enemies’ AIs are maxxed out for this fight. Note that if the character you’re currently controlling dies, you instantly lose the match.


Leopold is off fighting Vander Decken, with Leopold shooting his ice breath as he tries to close in on him but is consistently denied. Hatchan is now in possession of the staff, juggling it around in his hands as he does a flurry of punches at Kuroobi and Arlong simultaneously. “This body is definitely the best of these…With these arms and this speed, I can have him go to re-grab my staff with one of his other hands as I lose control of him, and he won’t regain consciousness quickly enough to stop it.” Rhapthorne attempts to do the exploit as he said, stabbing the staff into Kuroobi. During his brief control of Kuroobi he digs it deeper before Hatchan’s body takes the staff back.

While Kuroobi is not outright dead, Rhapthorne suffers greatly for ignoring Arlong. Arlong manages to chomp through three of Hatchan’s arms on the opposite side of his body, leaving him bleeding horribly. Rhapthorne is taken aback and yells in pain in Hatchan’s comical voice. Arlong does typical anime villainous overconfident laughter. “You know that I’m the leader, right? It sucks I had to do that to Hachi, but he’s an octopus fishman. They’ll grow back.”

Rhapthorne is frantic but tries to play it cool. “No matter, I still have more arms than you anyway.” He brandishes his three arms on the right side of his body and goes up to continue fighting Arlong.

Arlong casually just stays on Hatchan’s side that has no arms and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. “Like that extra arm’s gonna do you any good when it’s stuck all the way over there.”

After taking a beating, Rhapthorne gets up as scrambling back and holding the staff in a defensive position in front of himself. “Looks like I was wrong about this being the best body…” Arlong attempts to get around Hatchan to his vulnerable side, but Rhapthorne just now entirely focuses on blocking with the staff. Arlong sees an opening where he’d be able to easily punish him, but has to bend so far back he nearly falls over to avoid touching the end of the scepter. Rhapthorne laughs at him. “You were only doing so well before because I didn’t want your body. You have no chance now…”

“If you wanna be such a little bitch hiding behind that staff, I’ll have to take out some of my own toys.” Arlong takes two sets of teeth out of his mouth, regenerating them back into place each time within a second. He holds them in front of himself and clacks them together a few times to demonstrate. Arlong rushes up as he holds back the teeth before clamping them down onto the staff. He gets into a power struggle with Rhapthorne, though with the 3 arms awkwardly stuck on one side it’s a lot more difficult for Rhapthorne to win, making him lose the power struggle as Arlong rips the staff out of his grasp.

With his last moments in Hatchan’s body, Rhapthorne yells out Leopold’s name for him to hastily fly over and pick up the staff once it’s been discarded on the ground, hastily swooping past before Arlong can latch onto him. Leopold still has his hands full running away from a bunch of blades being sent after him due to Decken.

Arlong growls in anger before turning to Decken. “Throw ME at him.”

Decken hesitates. “That sounds dumb, I saw how the staff works, he’ll just-“

“Like hell if I’m letting that little coward get away after humiliating the Arlong Pirates!”



Decken does as he’s told and uses his power on Arlong, sending him flying up into the air after Leopold. Decken promptly sends a tree after Leopold as well before hopping onto it, riding it after him. Rhapthorne looks behind himself at them continuing to pursue him. “This is probably what happened to that other fishman…Forget the long nose, that man with the mustache is the body I want.”


Level 29
Evil Sir Leopold

This is another chase level involving Leopold and Vander Decken’s ability, though this time you’re running from a constant stream of axes, blades, and Arlong’s teeth. Some of them will come towards you faster than the bulk of them to give you obstacles to avoid along the way. The enemies in this level consist of the zombies of Brandon Whittaker and Yorick whenever you’re forced to land on the ground. Decken will throw some ground chunks and other objects your way that are blatantly helpful to platform, and will occasionally throw one of the actual enemies after you. Arlong himself will go flying past you a couple of times doing various attacks, and will also get another shot at you as the stage scrolls past where he landed ahead of you.


As alluded to in the level, we can see Yorick and Branon Whittaker making their way through the area with their zombie horde. Arlong and Decken can be seen chasing Leopold in the background way up in the air, much out of the range of their lowly zombies. Brandon stares at them in disbelief for a second, though Yorick completely ignores them. Brandon taps Yorick on the shoulder. “This is a different direction than where we were going. You’re sure your zombies are smelling some new people to recruit to our cause?”

“Yorick Mori remembers this, but the zombies do not.”

“I…See…Uuuhhh, don’t wanna offend you, but…Can you say anything that’s not about remembering stuff, dude?”

“Yorick Mori does not remember when he remembered how to say such nonsense.”

The horde reaches Hatchan and Kuroobi, who are bleeding out horribly from their wounds and causing quite a stench to attract the zombies, nevermind all of the noise that was happening earlier. Kuroobi struggles to get away quickly enough while Hatchan is dragging Chu’s corpse with them. “First he cuts off half my arms, then he leaves me to deal with these guys as a cripple…”

Kuroobi glares at Hatchan. “Do not dishonor our great leader with such words! He could not have foreseen yet another attack. After our last performance there, we owe it to Arlong to showcase what the Arlong Pirates are capable of.” He forces himself to enter a generic karate stance. “Come at us, weaklings! Fishman are ten times as strong as you lot!”

Brandon puts his hands on his hips. “Can you believe this bigot, Yorick? How dare he try and belittle us!” He turns to Kuroobi. “Looks like we’re just going to have to change you to our kind of thinking!”

Yorick puts a hand to his chin in a contemplative pose. “Yorick Mori remembers thinking…”


Yorick, Brandon Whittaker Vs. Hatchan, Kuroobi

You get two stocks with your characters out one at a time against both of the enemy characters. Kuroobi starts at 50% and Hatchan only has 3/6 of his usual arms to work with, so this isn’t very hard regardless. That said, Hatchan is still a rather overpowered moveset, so he’s blatantly the main threat even with just 3 arms.


WILLIAM BIRKIN, DR. MARCUS, and CHIEF MENDEZ are seen walking into the killer department store together. All of them still appear normal without any kind of mutations yet, though Mendez already has his mutated body available before the story mode begins. Dr. Marcus appears exhausted. “Alright, this place will surely be safe, right? We can just allow those idiots to kill each other while we wait here?”

Birkin reassures Marcus. “So long as Wesker keeps his word about going to rendezvous with us here, we’ll be fine.”

Once inside, Mendez quickly heads towards a meatery. “Oooohhh, I always wanted to open my own rib shack…And I haven’t eaten all day.” Mendez goes to start pulling a link of sausages out of a frozen container on the side of an aisle. The power has been cut so the food has long since become rotten without being frozen. Mendez looks over it, mouth watering, despite how utterly repulsive it looks.

Marcus looks rather concerned. “I’m not sure if-“

He is interrupted by Birkin putting a hand on his shoulder. “Let him do as he pleases. He’s not human anymore anyway.”

Mendez starts chomping down the links of meat and gets some flesh stuck between his teeth. He almost appears to be smiling about it. Birkin has no reaction, though Marcus looks grossed out. “We’d best meet up with Albert sooner than later if he’s all the protection we have…”

Suddenly, the meat starts surrounding the characters starts coming to life. Some drumsticks come together with chicken breast to form giant undead chickens, while the sausage links start strangling and restraining Mendez. Several Illbleed meat men start to climb up out of the rotting meat. When Mendez can’t simply eat his way out, he is forced to extend out his gigantic spine and showcase his mutant/undead powers. Two rib-like protrusions come from his back which he uses to begin slicing and dicing the meat. Birkin chuckles. “The chief will provide more than enough protection.”


Level 30
Chief Mendez

This is a brawler level as you fight against various sentient meat. Given how ludicrously overpowered Mendez is, the enemies in this level are relentless and this level would be near impossible with a more normal character. The enemies do drop food for you to heal between waves, though it’s questionable how much the monstrosity that is Mendez will need to heal.


Regardless of his moveset, Mendez is seen struggling against the meat in the cutscene. He is struggling to such a degree that he cannot even protect Birkin and Marcus properly, with them all getting entangled in sausage links as meat golems pound on them relentlessly. Just when it looks like Marcus or Birkin may have to actually do something, Polpo arrives and easily consumes the meat with minor assistance from Black Sabbath. Mendez is still in a rage and wants to attack Polpo, but he is called off by Birkin. “Forget him, Mendez. We’re going.”

Mendez begrudgingly obeys his superior while Polpo is seen staying to continue eating the meat. Polpo continues with this for a while before STEVEN CHAPMAN enters the aisle with his shopping cart. “You better be planning on paying for that!” He points to the price tags of the meat, which are thousands of dollars much like the real Killer Department Store. He goes to ram into Polpo with his shopping cart, with the sentient meat of the store ignoring him.


Polpo vs. Steven Chapman

This shouldn’t be too hard of a fight, but regardless of Polpo’s size and weight Chapman can still get him in his cart. Be careful Chapman doesn’t glitch out the entire game on you and you should be fine. A meat enemy will spawn in the level rarely that’s not hostile to Chapman, and food items will spawn regularly. The food helps Chapman more than you, though, since you don’t exactly need the extra survivability.


Chapman rams his cart into Polpo’s tremendous layer of fat for absolutely nothing to happen as he casually bounces off of his fat. Black Sabbath does a casual knee to the gut on Chapman to cause him to keel over and begin bleeding. Polpo laughs at the disgruntled shopkeeper. “This is, or should I say, was, your rib shack? It now belongs to me. You will make yourself useful with that shopping cart of yours and deliver your finest goods for my consumption. Black Sabbath will be watching you.”

Chapman argues back to Polpo without toning down his rage. “Well you already ate out this whole section of the store! What else do you expect me to do?!”

“That’s not my problem, now is it? I don’t concern myself with what someone as lowly as yourself would have to do for a mafia lord like me. I’m starving here, I lost five whole pounds on the way over here I think!”

“…Truly a great loss.” Chapman rolls his eyes as he leaves the meat section of the mall. “Heh heh, idiot! I’ll bring him the food he’s asking for, but I’ll poison it!


Level 31
Steven Chapman

This level has you going around the mall, killing various enemies and collecting food items they drop in your cart, along with the poison of course. You need a handful from each section of the store. They are not just the usual generic healing food, but are actually quite useful items like superspicy curry, so if in a pinch you may want to use one of these items for yourself and go back to get another one.


Leopold is seen fleeing into the department store. One of his feet has been chomped off by Arlong, with a set of teeth stuck to the remainder of the limb as it bleeds out, along with a large bite taken out of his wing. Even when barely against the ground, he simply flies along, not wanting to have to walk. He goes into the meatery and sees Polpo. “That man will more than do right now. Hopefully the fishmen will be content with killing Leopold and leave me alone in my new body if I hide my scepter.

Leopold tosses the scepter out of his jaws at Polpo. Polpo is unable to dodge it what with his girth, so Black Sabbath goes to block it for him. Rhapthorne just throws the staff out of Black Sabbath’s hand at Polpo afterwards, Polpo getting rather screwed over by not knowing how the staff works. Once Rhapthorne is in his new body, he looks it over and wipes some meat off of his face. “Not bad. Reminds me of my true form.” Rhapthorne hears Arlong coming and hastily goes to sit on top of his staff to hide it from his view. Arlong homes in on Leopold, not the staff, and finishes him off fairly easily when in such a crippled state with his handheld teeth. Leopold reaches out towards Rhapthorne longingly as he is killed, sad that he has been abandoned. We see Leopold’s perspective as he dies, and Polpo’s body is seen morphing into Leopold’s owner, Dominico, as his last moments of life pass.

Arlong stands over Leopold’s corpse and does villainous laughter before Decken comes in. “Good job finishing off that hellhound, but look at him. He doesn’t have the staff. That devil must’ve made a deal with another body already. I only marked the dog, not that staff.”

Arlong groans. “Of course he did. How far are we gonna have to chase this guy?” Arlong turns to Polpo. “At least I get some extra payoff with another free human to kill.”

Rhapthorne puts his hands up in a defensive position. “Hey, what have I ever done to you?!”

“You’re human, aren’t ya?”

Decken is unsure. “Well, I don’t know if humans can get that fat. Maybe a giant?”

“You haven’t seen them pirate warlords. He’s just another Gecko Moria.”

Steven Chapman returns with the groceries ordered by Polpo. “Alright, sir, I’ve returned with your order. That’ll be thirty thousand dollars.”

Rhapthorne assumes Chapman is just some generic employee of Polpo’s. “Uh, good job…Now, I need you to show these fine customers to our selection of staves in, uh, the medieval weaponry department.”

Arlong raises an eyebrow. “And why would we go there, exactly?”

“Oh, I just had another employee of mine take the staff you were talking about when that dog came in. It looked like, uh, a very valuable item, you see.”

Arlong is still skeptical, but Decken beckons Chapman along. “Lead the way, baldy. I need to refresh my arsenal of axes and knives anyway after that fight.”

Chapman motions along and forces an obviously fake smile on his face. “Very well, right this way…” His face turns to a scowl once he his back to the two fishmen. “Their leader’s as good as dead with my poison, but I’ll have to figure out how to get rid of his two minions…I’ll have to lure them into a trap.


Dr. Marcus, Birkin, and Chief Mendez are seen waiting at another section of the department store. Marcus looks at his watch impatiently. “He was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago!”

Birkin is leaning against a wall, not nearly as worried. “You’re more than welcome to leave if you wish, doctor. We don’t exactly have much choice but to wait for him. Considering the nature of this game, it’s reasonable to assume he may have run into some complications.” The ground rumbles nearby. “That appears to be him now anyway.”

Sloth comes up out of the ground, followed by Wesker. Wesker smirks at the sight of his comrades. “So you turned up after all. Guess it wasn’t a waste of time.”

Marcus lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank god you’re here, Albert. What’s the plan?”

Wesker points forward casually at Marcus and orders Sloth. “Kill him.”

Sloth charges down Marcus without hesitation, tackling him to the ground. We get a shot of Marcus’ perspective as Wesker comes down to look at him. “Time to die, doctor.”

Marcus struggles frantically underneath Sloth. “B-but who will continue my research?! Why are you doing this?”

“Have you fools forgotten? There is only one winner in this competition. Once I am through with you, I can make use of your formulas on my own personal test subject.” He pats Sloth on the back.

Mendez attempts to wrestle Sloth off of Marcus with the ribs on his back. “Over my dead body!”


Albert Wesker, Sloth Vs. Chief Mendez

You’re fighting a fairly overpowered moveset, but you get two stocks to do it. You have the two doctors behind you rooting against you, apparently still having faith that Mendez of all people can somehow beat Wesker.


Sloth painfully rips Mendez’s upper torso off of the spinal cord connecting it to his legs and throws it across the room. Wesker zips over with his super speed and stands over him with a smirk. “Over your dead body, you say?” Mendez, somehow still conscious, frantically bites into Wesker’s leg. Wesker yelps in pain and dashes across the room quickly to cause Mendez to get knocked off and be sent sliding away with the sheer shift in momentum. He goes to approach Birkin and Marcus after having taken care of their underling, with Marcus whimpering.

Birkin takes out his G-Virus. “This is what you’re after, right? I’d rather die than let you use it after what you’ve pulled.” He turns to Marcus. “You should use yours as well.”

Marcus is still very hesitant. “N-no, it’ll kill us!”

“And? We’re going to die anyway. If you don’t use it, I will continue your research.”

Marcus hastily injects himself with his leech virus. “NEVER!” Birkin injects himself with his own virus, and the two begin mutating into their actual moveset forms, with Birkin of course starting in his first form.

The scene abruptly cuts to Cornello, Jin, and Norn underground. Jin is waiting impatiently. “I can sense Sloth moving around up there. If your stupid circle isn’t ready soon, we’ll lose him.”

Norn nods in agreement. “If you’re more trouble than your worth, I won’t hesitate to kill you this time.”

Cornello chuckles. “Relax, the trap is ready.” He performs a transmutation as the cutscene cuts back above ground to show the section of the mall Wesker, Birkin, Marcus, and Sloth are in. The ground collapses underneath them, causing them to start falling into the tunnel Sloth had previously dug.


Level 32
Albert Wesker, Sloth

This level involves you trying to platform up the falling debris while avoiding gluttony beams from Jin Gitaxias. Cornello’s transmutation red lightning will also periodically show up and bounces along the various ground chunks at various angles. You will have to fight the first form of Birkin at the end of the level once you reach the top, but it can’t transform further so it’s fairly easy to defeat.


Sloth is forced to use his superspeed charge in order to keep up with Wesker to escape from Cornello’s trap. Sloth starts hesitating between uses, going slower and slower. Wesker throws his hands up in frustration. “What’s wrong with you?! You saw what they did to Tyrant. Keep going!”

Sloth collapses over onto his stomach as saying “too tired”, instantly falling asleep. Wesker yells in his ear, trying to wake him up, but Sloth is so exhausted at this point that his sheer laziness enables him to sleep through it. The portion of ground Sloth’s laying on quickly gives way and he begins falling into the tunnel. Wesker contemplates leaving him to die. “As obnoxious as this is, I can’t lose him after burning that bridge with the doctors.” He begrudgingly goes into the pit after him, jumping from ground chunk to ground chunk to get down safely in the same way he came up out of the pit.

At the bottom of the pit, Birkin can be seen very damaged from the fall and beginning his mutation into his second form. Birkin goes to attack Cornello, but is held off by Norn. Marcus can be seen slinking off into the tunnel that was dug, having no intention of fighting in this conflict. Wesker stands over Sloth as Jin just laughs. “You’ve been running from us for so long, what makes you think you can fend off the machine orthodoxy in its moment of triumph?”

“Where are you even keeping the fat one? I saw his ability.”

Jin laughs. “We don’t have to deal with his incompetence any longer.” Jin opens his rib cage as per usual and fires the Gluttony beam, though Wesker is able to dodge it easily with his speed.

Wesker smirks. “Not a bad ability, but you can’t expect to hit me with such a telegraphed attack.”

“Fool. I wasn’t aiming for you.” The camera pans down to show that Jin has transported Sloth inside of his domain. “Cornello, go inside and fetch me his core. You should be more than capable of retrieving it when he’s so exhausted.”

Cornello grins and heads to run inside of Jin’s rib cage. “With pleasure!”

Jin goes to close the portal immediately after Cornello enters, but Wesker makes it in regardless due to his speed. Jin has as much of a look of concern as he can when he barely has a face. “…That could be problematic.” He goes to reopen the portal. “Norn, forget that weakling made of mere flesh. I need you to go inside.”

Norn still doesn’t fully understand Jin’s powers, as Jin only understands due to inherited memories. “Are we fusing already?”

“Just do it! Kill the man in the trench coat and bring me Sloth’s core.”

Norn does as she’s told and heads into the portal, though Birkin makes it in after her, still intent on attacking anything he sees.

Inside the dimension, Wesker meets Tyrant again, who was put into the dimension back when Gluttony himself was still alive. Tyrant goes to attack Cornello on sight. Wesker grins. “I’m sorry for ditching you, Tyrant. Turns out you were the most hard working muscle a guy could ask for, unlike some people.” He shoots a glance at the still slumbering Sloth.


Albert Wesker, Tyrant Vs. Father Cornello, Elesh Norn Vs. William Birkin (Form 2) Vs. Sloth

The exit to the dimension is open and functions as the only blast zone on the stage on the left side. While the stage is very large with a ceiling you won’t ever hit unless launched at insane percentages, the only blast zone remains at the left.

Sloth is present in the match, but just sticks around as a slumbering corpse. If Sloth is killed by any party, you automatically lose. You have the ability to hit him in order to knock him away from the blast zone to try to save him. It can be very difficult fighting all of your opponents without letting any of them get to Sloth, and the best answer largely involves just dragging them all to the right side of the stage.

You have two stocks, meaning you only have one of your two characters out at a time. While only two of your three enemies are actually allied together, having so many characters out can prove problematic, especially when any one of them can decide to focus on killing Sloth. In addition, Birkin is still weaker than a regular character when he’s stuck in form 2 and also has lower AI than Cornello/Norn, so if anybody dies it will likely end up being the third party in the fight.


Wesker and Tyrant can be seen fighting Norn and Birkin while Cornello has found the chance to get to Sloth by himself. He transmutes a hole in Sloth’s chest before reaching his core and placing his hand on Sloth’s core. He goes to absorb it through transmutation, much like when he absorbs his gun into his arm in the series, and proceeds to start hulking up into his rebound form. Cornello’s body gets covered in the rocky skin that makes up Sloth’s body normally, rather than just his arm like usual.

Norn stabs into his back before it’s covered in rocky skin, but it regenerates due to Cornello’s newfound regenerative power as a homunculus. He turns around and backhands Norn to send her flying, laughing. He flexes his arm as he marvels at his newfound power. “You have NO IDEA how long I’ve been waiting to do that, Lust!”


Rebound Cornello Vs. Elesh Norn, Albert Wesker, Tyrant Vs. William Birkin (Form 2)

Wesker and Norn are able to put aside their differences to deal with Cornello, though Birkin remains attacking whatever he sees mindlessly. He can help to take some of the pressure off of you, though you have to keep him at a distance considering it’s hard for him to not hit you when you’re so big.

Aside from staying in Rebound form forever with no penalty, you have access to a new move. Double tapping Neutral Special gives you access to Sloth’s effort mode, greatly increasing your attack speed for 8 seconds, as well as giving you grab immunity and causing your superarmor to be increased to attacks that deal less than 11%. When the 8 seconds run out, you’ll be hit with a sleep status effect, though it’s just a generic one and not as crippling as the real Sloth’s given you have actual intelligence. You can’t use effort mode again for another 15 seconds, though.


Cornello is seen ripping Elesh Norn in half right down the middle, ending with her comically oversized head. Cornello has a tremendous grimace on his face as he does so, though is disappointed once he’s finished. He holds one half of her in either hand and shakes them expectantly. “Where’s the juicy center?! You’re no Lust at all!” He throws away the two halves of Norn carelessly. “Well then, if that wasn’t Lust, you’d better be Greed!”

He charges after Wesker with Sloth’s speed for Wesker to proceed to leave the dimension, being just as fast and not having to move in single concentrated bursts. “I failed. This isn’t remotely worth it just for Tyrant. Hopefully these abominations will just kill each other.”

Cornello painstakingly gets up from his missed charge attack with Tyrant and Birkin whaling at his backside all the while, with Cornello forced to regenerate the damage.

Cornello grabs the smaller arms of Tyrant and Birkin with one hand each before ripping them off. Both monsters look badly wounded by this. Cornello leaps up into the air on top of Tyrant while he’s recoiling in pain, crushing him horribly underneath his ridiculous weight. Birkin regenerates an arm to replace the lost one. Rather than regenerating the wimpy arm, it forms another arm just as strong as his other one. It’s not quite the usual form 3 that Birkin enters, but rather an exaggerated version of form 2. Cornello is impressed by this. “I see, this one is also a homunculus. Which one doesn’t matter…Let’s find that core.

Cornello rips off both of Birkin’s arms once again in order to restrain him before punching a hole in his stomach. He attempts to grab around inside Birkin’s mess of flesh to try to find the philosopher’s stone that he apparently has, but obviously doesn’t find what isn’t there. Birkin keels over and begins regenerating his flesh around Cornello’s hand. Cornello recoils and takes his hand outside of Birkin, somewhat disgusted. Birkin regenerates not only his lost arms, but a set of two new ones to complete his transformation into form 3. “What the hell even are you?” Cornello asks the question rhetorically, not particularly expecting an answer. He just now starts taking in all of the information he’s getting from Sloth’s memories, most relevantly those relating to Gluttony’s powers. “I can’t waste time with this thing. I can’t leave my fate in the hands of Gluttony. I already have more than enough power anyway to replace Father with Father Cornello!

Cornello goes to leave through the open portal, followed by Birkin. Jin immediately realizes what has happened when he sees Cornello’s new form. “Traitor!” Jin fires the beam. Cornello attempts to charge out of the way, assuming he would be able to avoid it with his speed, but is caught due to his size. The beam hits Cornello right in the middle of his body. Because of his size, Cornello is larger than the beam, meaning the beam simply kills him as his head, arms, and legs fall lifelessly to the ground. Birkin manages to evade the beam given he’s not the primary target, simply leaping up out of the pit and going to seek out new victims.

Jin cackles after the beam expires. “Perfect! That was my one chance to hit him, and I calculated his speed just right…Don’t try and betray people when they know all the cards in your hand, Cornello.

Jin goes to reach inside of his stomach dimension with his extendable rib cage before pulling out Cornello’s torso. He proceeds to mutilate it and rip out the core before closing his rib cage and holding it in his hands, cackling. “Beautiful…It’s a shame Norn won’t be able to become part of the orthodoxy, but I still have all the power needed. I’ll need to make sure Cornello doesn’t get the better of me as well. His consciousness should still be inside of there.” He starts ripping off some of the excess philosopher’s stones from Sloth’s core. “So long as his core is significantly weaker than mine, I should retain the vast majority of sentience and control when we fuse while still gaining all of Sloth’s strengths.

After satisfied with the excess pieces he’s scraped off of the core, he goes to consume it. While his arms had some meat on them from when he fused with Gluttony, they are still relatively weak and flabby. After consuming Sloth, Jin gains massive muscle masses on them. Given Jin doesn’t exactly have flesh, his body becomes encased in some kind of titanium instead of Sloth’s rocky skin. Jin becomes even larger, larger than even Rebound Cornello was. Jin extends his arms up into the air as laughing maniacally as he transforms. “Yes, YES!” As he finishes, Jin becomes such a pure embodiment of heavyweight male antagonist that the ground underneath him fails to support him, causing to fall down even deeper into the pit. “NO! Nonononononono-“ Jin crashes down and is now in some ridiculously deep chasm that even he can’t crawl out of.

Jin attempts to leap up out of the pit, but doesn’t go particularly high. ”Impossible! Cornello would’ve been able to jump out of this pit with ease with Sloth’s strength!” He looks down at his lower torso, which basically doesn’t exist and remains undrawn in his official art. “Right…Cornello and Sloth had one thing in common that I lack. Something that I failed to account for…They had…Functional legs…” Jin pounds his fist against the wall of his prison. “Damn!” He paces back and forth inside of the pit. “Well, I have Cornello’s memories. I can just figure out a way to transmute myself out of here, right…? He caused this whole mess in the first place, after all.” He takes another pause to think. “Why am I having such difficulty accessing his memories? They practically came flooding to me when I got Gluttony’s core…” Jin thinks harder before pounding his gigantic awkwardly shaped head against the wall in frustration. “OF COURSE! Because I weakened his core so much I don’t have as many of his memories either. SHIT!” He proceeds to pound his head into the wall several more times, which doesn’t help the process of remembering Cornello’s memories to say the least.


Yorick and Brandon Whittaker can be seen having nearly made it to the killer department store, their zombies being attracted to the meat where the most action is happening. The corpses of Hatchan, Kuroobi, and Chu have been added to their group. Yorick is performing some kind of surgery on Hatchan, attaching three arms of his zombies in place of the three arms that Arlong cut off back when Hatchan was possessed by Rhapthorne. They are from his personal cartoony zombies rather than Brandon’s realistic ones, making them big enough to work without just being useless. One arm is from each of Yorick’s three zombie types, making all three different colors. Brandon comes up and inspects Yorick’s work. “I thought it was a bit cruel to cut off those other zombies’ arms, but you surprised me Yorick. Now this octopus guy can be a mascot for zombie equality and tolerance!”

Yorick is disgusted. “Yorick Mori remembers those terms from the league…”

The scene cuts to the battlecast Cho’Gath rampaging about nearby, destroying some smaller buildings. Inside the makeshift cockpit located in the mech’s head, Ratigan portals in next to Putata, having reduced his size so that he actually fits inside the cockpit. “Finally, I’ve found you.”

Putata looks a bit weirded out. “Why do you have those things? Where’s Hannibal?”

Ratigan chuckles and seems to be in a positive mood. “Don’t you remember our original plan, my little toadie? I’ve betrayed Hannibal and now I have not only the device that makes us big, but also that thing he uses to make portals…” His face suddenly turns into a scowl. “No thanks to you!” He coughs as he forces himself to regain his composure. “Regardless…You still have this giant robot to bring to the table. We have much to gain from a mutual partnership as originally intended.”

“I get ya, I get ya. You and me all the way, pal.” He laughs. “If the Keroros were afraid of my tiny little mecha hound, they’ll be mortified when they see this baby!”

Ratigan chuckles. “Well if you didn’t have enough reason to partner with me, you can take pleasure in the fact that I’ve already disposed of them.”

Putata scowls and turns to actually look at Ratigan again. “What’d you go and do that for, idiot?! I could kill those losers any time, I just kept them around because I liked humiliating them!”

Ratigan shrugs. “It resulted in the deaths of several other competitors…Regardless, you need to be less concerned with me and more with the robot.”

He points out of Cho’Gath’s visor eyes for Putata to turn to look. Before the mech is a giant army of zombies. Some of Yorick’s zombies go up and bite it uselessly, though Chu kisses the mech with his giant lips instead of biting into it properly, still managing to say his name affectionately despite being turned into a zombie. Brandon sees this and is very impressed. “Huh, good idea fish guy! Okay, guys, let’s do a peaceful protest against this guy! Repeat after me!” Brandon goes up and hugs the giant mech for several of his other zombies to go up and latch onto it, not able to do much else against a giant robot.

Yorick rolls his eyes. “Yorick Mori remembers when zombies were scary…”

Lagging behind the fishman zombies is the large group of characters that were killed by them at the beach, who have also gone on to be animated by Yorick as zombies. The camera cuts back inside of the Cho’Gath mech for Ratigan to point forward excitedly at the corpses of the Keroro Platoon. “Well hey, at least you’ll get to kill them one last time.” He finds Hannibal in the mess of corpses serving under Yorick. “And seeing Hannibal in more pain is always a delight!”

Putata chuckles. “Yeah. They may have lost their brains, but they’re probably smarter this way honestly. Let’s kill ‘em all!” The camera zooms out of the Battlecast Cho’Gath to give a shot of all of the characters it’s fighting.



Yorick, Brandon Whittaker, Hatchan, Kuroobi, Chu, the Engineer, the Sniper, Keroro Platoon, Krillin, Luke Atmey, Hannibal Bean

You have a ridiculous amount of characters to work with here, though you only have 5 stocks so you can’t actually pick them all. As the masters of the zombie horde, 2 of your 5 characters are required to be Yorick and Brandon. A large chunk of the movesets at your disposal are both weak and poorly equipped to fight a boss. Brandon, Kuroobi, and Chu are fairly underpowered, Engineer and Sniper have no set-up time and are awkward in this scenario, Krillin is generally weak and his primary gimmick of solar flare’s camera control is entirely useless against computers, Keroro Platoon literally dies in one hit, and Hannibal Bean loses two of his best moves. Hannibal has no access to his morpher or portals because of Ratigan, though he starts at his larger size. Compared to many of the other crippled characters on your roster though, Hannibal looks amazing, with him, Hatchan, and Luke being your obvious picks.

Given your large quantity of stocks, Cho’Gath has a considerable amount of HP at 2000. He is the size of Giga Bowser and stays on the right side of the screen as a stationary boss, not often moving. The stage is the usual generic walk-off, comparable in size to Galleom’s boss arena.


Death Beam: Battlecast Cho’Gath opens his mouth and fires a gigantic blue beam forwards, dealing multiple flinching hits and pushing you towards the left side of the screen. This deals 50 hits of 1% and flinching, with the last hit dealing surprisingly weak knockback that kills at 200%, though the pushback means this still can hit you if you started towards the side. This attack is relatively easily avoided by jumping.

Giant Explosion: Battlecast Cho’Gath quickly fires a giant Ganondorf sized missile towards your current location. Getting hit by the missile causes it to explode in a 1.3x Bowser sized explosion that deals 25% and knockback that kills at 80%. The missile can be redirected back into Cho’Gath to damage him for 50 health, but it travels fairly slowly, meaning if you take the time to do that the missile may still be out when Cho’Gath is performing another attack. Any of Cho’Gath’s own attacks will detonate the missile with the exception of the death beam, which will propel it to the side of the screen and making the attack have instant kill potential. If it doesn’t hit you, it’ll be on the far side of the screen away from Cho’Gath, ready to come back at you again.

With all of this in mind, it’s tempting to just let the missile blow up on the ground, but this will destroy that portion of ground and create a bottomless pit. While you have 5 stocks, if you run out of ground near Cho’Gath the last ones won’t particularly matter, so you have to try to lure a couple of them back into him.

Feast: If standing next to or overlapping with Battlecast Cho’Gath, he may select to use this attack. He lurches his head out towards your character’s current position and chomps into you, dealing 30% and knockback that kills at 60%. This is a ludicrously powerful attack and it comes out quite fast, so this is the main one you have to be wary of when sitting next to the mech whaling away at it. If Cho’Gath chomps down into one of his missiles, it will greatly multiply the damage, dealing 250 damage to him. It’s very risky to assume Cho’Gath will use this attack instead of Death Beam or something, and it’s also risky to place yourself in the middle of this powerful hitbox and the missile, but taking a significant chunk out of Cho’Gath insane health bar is very rewarding.

Rupture: Battlecast Cho’Gath stomps the ground, dealing 28% and vertical knockback that kills at 70%, before causing a Bowser width by Ganondorf high group of spikes to erupt from underneath your current position. The spikes deal 20% and vertical knockback that kills at 130%, still fairly powerful. This attack can be very obnoxious if it fires up death beam, potentially hitting you as you land. The attack is telegraphed enough that in such a scenario, you’ll have to land on the ground quickly to jump back up again rather than waiting to fall down normally. The stomp isn’t an issue if you’re not next to Cho’Gath, but if it is Cho’Gath will specifically stomp down on your current position, giving you two hitboxes to avoid one after the other. While this doesn’t force you to back away from Cho’Gath, it makes it quite annoying. There is some positive, though, as if you stay underneath Cho’Gath to hit him with his own spikes, he’ll deal 40 damage to himself.

Titanic Leap: Battlecast Cho’Gath leaps into the air, going off the top of the screen, before crash down on your current position, dealing 36% and knockback that kills at 50%. He will barely have any lag at all before he leaps back into the air again, though it is possible to hit him lightly as he does so on the way up. Cho’Gath will repeat the attack infinitely until he partially lands on top of a pit he’s created with a missile, at which point he will get a portion of his body stuck in it and slowly walk back to his default position. Cho’Gath will not perform this attack if he hasn’t made a pit yet. This gives some incentive to have out a lot of pits, and if you make a pit big enough for Cho’Gath to completely fall into he will deal 100 damage to himself by crashing into the pit and having to climb out. If Cho’Gath reaches half health and no pit is created, the next time he uses Rupture a pit will be created at that location instead of generating spikes out of the ground.

Machine Gun Fire: Battlecast Cho’Gath starts shooting several bullets at the location of your character. He continues firing long enough to do 120 hits of 1%. These shots don’t flinch you or anything, but it means his next attack that does knockback of any kind will obviously kill you by default. You can’t just roll in place and expect to not take around 40%. This will generally require you to run across the distance of the majority of the stage and/or shield the later half of it. Shielding the whole thing is of course a no no, with roughly 50 hits being what’s needed to break a shield. If nothing else forces you away from Cho’Gath, this attack will.

Tail Grab: A rare attack used only when his target is in melee range, Battlecast Cho’Gath attempts to grab you with his tail. If successful, you have to button mash out at grab difficulty as Cho’Gath rapidly slams you against the ground with his tail, dealing 10% per whack. Escaping the grab has you dealt knockback based off the current momentum of Cho’Gath’s tail, flinging you in that direction. While this knockback is strong, it’s set, meaning it won’t actually kill you unless you button mash out at a particularly terrible point when he’s flailing the tail towards the blast zone behind him. In addition, Cho’Gath’s attack cooldown starts shortly after he grabs you, meaning at high percents if you get grabbed he can hold you long enough to hit you with another move. If that happens, you may have to escape at an opportune time to get flung away from the attack. If Cho’Gath starts flying into the air to perform the titanic leap attack, you’ll obviously need to get flung downwards to avoid getting killed off the top.

Buzzsaw: Battlecast Cho’Gath causes a buzzsaw to come out of his arm before slamming the ground with it. The slam itself deals 20% and knockback that kills at 100%, but afterwards the buzzsaw will go off of his arm and travel along the ground at the speed of a hothead. The buzzsaw deals 15% and knockback that kills at 140% as it travels, not particularly powerful by the standards of the boss. It will keep going until it goes down into a pit. If there is no pit and it reaches a blast zone, it will loop back around to the other side of the stage. If it goes past Cho’Gath himself, he will get hit by it twice for 30 damage. While the attack is incredibly obnoxious as it will keep going forever if Cho’Gath hasn’t made a pit, if you’re comfortable with avoiding it this can actually be a fantastic weapon to get the boss to kill itself. This boss is certainly an interesting one for the Illbleed Slaughter competitive speedrunning community.


The fight against Battlecast Cho’Gath is a very bloody one. The giant mech impales the sniper and engineer with some spikes, stomps on top of the puny Keroro Platoon, and fire a missle to blow up Luke and Krillin. The mech picks up Hannibal’s zombie with its metal jaws. Ratigan can be seen waving at him from inside of the cockpit. “And for the last time, goodBYE Hannibal!” Cho’Gath crunches down on Hannibal, killing him yet again.

Thankfully for Yorick and Brandon, the fishmen have retained a good deal of their strength as zombies and are putting actual dents into the mech. Overwhelmed with the amount of fodder it has to kill to get to the team’s carries, the Cho’Gath retreats backwards, entering the killer department store as it breaks past the entrance. We can see Chief Mendez’s upper torso climbing around on the ceiling, clinging to it with the protrusions on his back. He rushes up to the portion of ceiling that hasn’t been destroyed yet before swinging forward onto the back of the mech’s head. He climbs his way up to the top before proceeding to pound on it from the top. Regardless of his appearance, Mendez has a bizarre amount of strength and actually starts putting dents into it from above.

The camera cuts inside of the cockpit where Putata and Ratigan can hear the damage that’s being done from above. Ratigan is frantic. “What are you doing, you fool?! DO SOMETHING!”

Putata glares daggers at Ratigan. “Do something? DO SOMETHING?! I’m the only one doing ANYTHING. All you’ve done is stand there! I’m the one piloting it! Why don’t you go and actually make yourself useful and get whatever the hell that thing is off of my mech?”

Ratigan is taken aback a bit. “Yeesh, no reason to get angry…” He opens a portal and comes up on top of the mech to fight Mendez before using the Moby Morpher to become a suitable size to fight him.


Chief Mendez (torso) Vs. Ratigan

While you are playing a very overpowered character, you’re fighting on top of the Battlecast Cho’Gath. Various stage hazards will be fired out of the mech aimed directly at you, though it’s still possible for them to hit Ratigan. You’re also somewhat crippled without as much access to your usual moveset, but Mendez is still incredibly powerful as just an upper torso for god knows what reason.


Mendez can be seen in a power struggle with Ratigan. Regardless of Ratigan’s stature, Mendez is able to outmuscle him and knocks him to the ground. This causes the moby morpher from Hannibal to fall out of Ratigan’s coat pocket, which Mendez promptly picks up. “Heh heh, saw what that did for you, rat. Imagine that on ME.” He clenches it inside of his fist, causing it to glow. Mendez begins massively growing in size to be a giant, and crushes Battlecast Cho’Gath underneath his weight. Putata hastily leaps out of its head as it crumbles. Mendez drops the morpher carelessly as laughing evily, no longer having any use for it. Putata hastily retrieves it and uses it to become humanoid size before reuniting with Ratigan. Having finished gloating, Mendez reaches forwards at Ratigan and Putata ominously.



Ratigan, Putata

Mendez is much larger than any of the other previous bosses you’ve faced, taking up almost the entirety of the background. His Master Hand sized hands are by default placed on the ground almost on either side of the arena, with said arena being the size of Final Destination’s main platform. The left side of the arena is a walk off, while the right side of the arena goes on quite a ways as a giant blast zone – it’s the giant pit created by Jin and Cornello. Mendez’s head is quite high in the air and is very obnoxious to attack, and only attacking his head and hands do damage. Each hand has 300 HP, while the head has 500 HP, and you’re only given two stocks to fight him. Either both of the hands will do an attack like Master/Crazy Hand, or the main body will do an attack, not both. Only the head has to be killed to win the boss fight.

Hand Attacks:

Grab: A hand lurches out to grab you, immediately dealing 13%. This can be escaped just as easily as Master Hand’s grab, but he doesn’t squeeze you inside and instead goes to bring you to his head and start eating you. This causes several blood splatters and deals you multiple hits of 10% while healing Mendez’s head of 10%, going on forever until you escape the grab. Upon you escape, you can see a piece of your character’s flesh stuck between his teeth. He almost appears to be smiling about it.

Crush: Mendez rips a ground chunk out of the ground and throws it at your current location, dealing 27% and knockback that kills at 80%. The ground chunk is solid and will create a pit in the stage, but will stick around after it’s been thrown. While the pit can be a bit obnoxious, the elevated portion of ground can be a good standing point to jump up to attack Mendez’s head from. If both of Mendez’s hands are alive, the other one can choose to play catch with the ground chunk instead of doing a different attack. This will cause them to throw the chunk between themselves 3 times, trying to hit you in the middle and getting faster each time.

Clap: Mendez brings both of his hands together in a mighty clash. This deals 40% and knockback that kills at 60%. Regardless of not being buffed from his up smash, this is still his most powerful move. His hands are solid during this move, so you can’t casually dodge past them and have to bother to jump over them. If Mendez only has one hand alive, then he simply swats you towards that side of the stage, dealing 22% and knockback that kills at 95%. Mendez’s solid hands can push ground chunks, and if they are brought into the clap they will be crushed, boosting the power by 10% damage and reducing the kill potential by 10%, making it an instant kill. This also creates a minor Smart Bomb Blast sized hitbox around Mendez’s hands as the debris gets sent everywhere, dealing 8% and knockback that kills at 160%.

Scrape: Mendez reaches his hand over to the opposite side of the arena that it normally rests on before quickly scraping it across the stage, dealing 30 hits of 1% and flinching, dragging foes as it goes. Anybody hit at the end will be dealt knockback in the way the hand was dragged that KOs at 100%. If this knocks you into the walk off side of the stage, this is almost guaranteed to kill you. In addition to this already threatening hitbox, debris will be knocked up by Mendez’s attack as he digs his nails into the ground, creating several flinching hits of 1% that add up to 40% over the course of the move, extending the hitbox 1.5 Battlefield Platforms beyond his already massive hand. If you get hit and DI out of the move, you’ll just be DIing into that hitbox which deals even more damage, though doesn’t have any killing knockback potential. If Mendez scrapes a ground chunk with this move, he will drag it, potentially putting it back into place in the stage if it goes over a pit created by it being uprooted.

Mendez’s Rib Shack: This is a desperation attack only used when the head is under 200 HP, and can only be performed by Mendez’s arm that’s closer to the pit side of the stage. The arm reaches into the background, becoming invulnerable, going into the rib shack from the start of the level. Mendez brings his hand back with a ton of meat in it, which he brings up to his head and starts to consume. You must deal 40 damage to the hand to get it to drop the meat as Mendez starts eating, potentially healing up to 125 HP if uninterrupted. Your attacks hitting the hand will also overlap with hitting his head, so if you’re good you can cause him to get a net loss in damage. This will cause a random meat enemy from the meat level to be dropped out of his hand and become an enemy on the stage. In addition, this only occupies one of Mendez’s hands, the other one can still try to stop you during this time if it’s alive.

Main Body Attacks:

Headbutt: Mendez does a headbutt with his gigantic balding head, sweeping it across the stage to deal 33% and knockback that kills at 65%. This attack is very difficult to avoid if you were in the middle of attacking his head. The headbutt homes in on your position, so if you see it coming you can potentially make him slam his head on the ground. If you do so, he’ll have brief ending lag with his head on the ground where you can attack it for more substantial damage. If he headbutts his head into a pit, the ending lag will be noticeably longer. This sounds useful, but if you want to take advantage of it you need to not be in the air attacking his head during the cooldown period. If already attacking a hand, this can definitely help, but you can’t just let him slam his head onto his hand directly, as then the hand will catch the head and prevent any bonus ending lag.

Faceplant: Mendez goes to slam his head down onto the stage, along with the rest of his body. If crushed, you’ll be dealt 32% and knockback that kills at 75% generally away from Mendez. Mendez’s body is too big to dodge as it falls down unless very high in the air, making the main way to avoid this attack being fleeing off the right side of the stage or sitting inside the Smash Bros magnifying glass on the left side of the stage.

Spine Tendrils: Mendez’s spine tendrils stab down onto the stage in an attempt to impale you, dealing 29% and knockback that kills at 65%. After they land down onto the stage, they get impaled into the ground and Mendez has to painstakingly pull them out. During this time they are solid. This can either trap you on the sides where you can’t attack Mendez’s head and one of his hands during his cooldown period, or trap you in the middle where you can’t attack Mendez’s hands. Considering their lower HP and the “rib shack” attack, attacking the hands is a very viable strategy, so this can be a pretty obnoxious attack.

Spine Tether: Mendez lurches out what remains of his spine from underneath his torso in an attempt to grab you. This is the fastest attack in his entire moveset and the one that will take you the longest to learn how to dodge, and upon being grabbed you’ll be squeezed tight for 14%. After that, you are tethered to the center of the stage with a small leash of 1.5 platforms, not able to get into range to attack any of Mendez’s hurtboxes. You must deplete the spine’s 40 HP to get rid of the tether and free yourself. During this time any other attack can be done, making it much harder to dodge his next attack with actual kill potential. If Mendez chooses to use faceplant next, you have to destroy the tether near immediately and run out perfectly if you expect to avoid it.


Ratigan and Putata are seen climbing up the giant Mendez to attack his head. One of his pincers goes to stab at Putata, but he evades it causing Mendez to stab himself and prompting him to yell in pain and fall over forwards. This causes Ratigan and Putata to get flung forward into Yorick’s zombie horde, at which point they promptly get murdered by zombie Hatchan. Hatchan doesn’t bother turning them into zombies, simply ripping them apart to finish them off. The zombies go to finish off the already greatly wounded Mendez. To the disappointment of Brandon, he cannot be turned into a zombie due to his already vaguely undead status, forcing them to execute him as well.

As Ratigan gets flung forward, the Moby Morpher flies out of his pocket and into the rib shack, right into the clutches of Rhapthorne. Rhapthorne has been taking the time to mutate Polpo’s body like Leopold’s. Polpo’s skin has turned purple and he’s now become so fat that his clothes don’t fit. There is no nudity, though, as Polpo’s legs/lower torso have vanished and been replaced with that of Rhapthorne’s true from. As such, Rhapthorne has now gained the ability to levitate around. He has his usual wings sprouting from Polpo’s back, though those obviously aren’t what enable him to fly. While he doesn’t have his usual beard, Rhapthorne’s horns have sprouted from his head and up through Polpo’s hat. In other words, Rhapthorne has achieved his usual appearance, but with Polpo’s face in place of his own. While he’s still only Polpo’s size, he cackles madly as he gets access to the Moby Morpher and starts expanding massively, bursting through the ceiling and becoming much larger than the already giant Mendez was. He flies up away from the department store, eager to experiment with his newfound body.

He lets out gigantic laughter for all the world to hear. “I hardly need to kill the sages now, this is just as good as my old body!”


Hody Jones by ChaosKiwi (MYM 16)
Kuroobi by TheKalmarKing (MYM 16)
Arlong by MasterWarlord (MYM 16)
Vander Decken by Smash Daddy (MYM 16)
Hatchan by MasterWarlord (MYM 16)
Chu by Conren (MYM 16)
Evil Sir Leopold by MasterWarlord (MYM 16)
William Birkin by Smash Daddy (MYM 17)
Dr. Marcus by Smash Daddy (MYM 17)
Chief Mendez by Getocoolaid (MYM 17)
Steven Chapman by Getocoolaid (MYM 16)



  1. I don’t know what impresses me the most: that you manage to make a somewhat coherent scenario from the absolutely absurd roster of MYM or that Kuroobi still isn’t dead 😛

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: